英語爆笑笑話9篇

下面是本站小編整理的英語爆笑笑話，希望對大家有幫助。

　　英語爆笑笑話：

Have a neuropathy, I do not know where to get a handful of pistols, he is gone in a little black alley. When suddenly a young man, neuropathy apart from anything else its guns on the ground by pointing to his head. Asked one plus a few zero. Terrified young people, thought for a long time. Answer, equals two. Neuropathy of the killing he did not hesitate. And then get pulled in his arms, said a cold, you know too much ...

有一個神經病，不知道從哪裏弄來了一把手槍，他走在一條小黑衚衕裏。突然遇上一個年輕人，神經病二話不說將其按在地上用槍指着他的頭。問道，一加一得幾。年輕人嚇壞了，沉思了很久。回答，等於二。神經病毫不猶豫的打死了他。然後把搶拽在懷裏，冰冷的說了一句，你知道的太多了…

　　英語爆笑笑話：

Boy: Hi, didn't we go on dates before? Onec or twice?

Girl: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

男孩：嗨，我們之前是不是約會過，是一次還是兩次，我忘記了。

女孩：應該只有一次吧，我從不犯兩次同樣的錯誤。

　　英語爆笑笑話：

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由於客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家裏沒有奶酪了，於是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會兒，他拿着一片奶酪回到房間，把奶酪放在客人的盤子裏。 客人微笑着把奶酪放進嘴裏說：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪裏找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夾上，先生。”那小男孩說。

　　英語爆笑笑話：

Things Have Been Okay

A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, Mom, the toast is burned.

You talked! You talked! Shouted his mother. I'm so happy! But why has it taked this long?

Well, up till now, Said the boy, things have been okay.

一切都正常

一對年輕夫婦有個兒子，已經四歲了，還沒有開口說話，他們對此深感焦慮。他們帶他去找專家診治，但醫生們總覺得他沒有毛病。後來有一天早上吃早餐時，那孩子突然開口了：媽媽，麪包烤焦了。

你說話了!你說話了!他母親叫了起來。我太高興了!但爲什麼花了這麼長的時間呢?

哦，在這之前，那男孩說，一切都很正常。

　　英語爆笑笑話：

Once upon a time, there lived a rich man, but he didn't know any words.

One day, one of his friends wanted to borrow an ox from him, so he wrote a note and asked his servant to take it to this rich man.

After the servant gave the note to the rich man, he pretended to be reading it and after a while, he said, "OK, I know. Go and tell your master, I'll go myself shortly.

從前，有個人很富有，但他不識字。

一天，他的一位朋友想向他借一頭公牛，便寫了個條，讓僕人送到富人那裏。 僕人把條子給了富人。富人便假裝看了一會兒，然後說道：“好啦，我知道了。回去告訴你的主人，我馬上自己過去。”

　　英語爆笑笑話：

Just like most of other kids, aged two Emilia didn' t like washing hands──she' s always wiping the dirt off hands on her clothes. One day I accompanied her to have fried cicadae(蟬). Habitually she rubbed her grease fingers on her real silk short gown. I held back (阻擋) her from doing it: " What do you want to do?" She was immediately on to (意識)her blame, replied at ease(從容): " I' m akimbo."

像大多數別的小孩一樣，兩歲艾咪麗雅不愛洗手，吃東西弄髒手，隨便在身上一抹就得了。一天我正陪她吃炸知了，她手上的油多了，便習慣地往真絲小褂子上蹭，我阻止道：“你想幹什麼?”她馬上意識到問題所在，從容答道：“我叉腰。”

　　英語爆笑笑話：

A short young man was running behind a bus which was full of passengers. But the bus still ran at a great speed.

"Stop, stop, " a passenger looked out of the window, and shouted at the young man, "you can't catch it ! "

"I must," the young fellow said, out of breath, "because I'm only driver of the bus.

在一輛滿載乘客的公共汽車後面，一位小個子青年在奔跑着。氣車仍在高速前進。 “停下吧，”一位乘客把頭伸出窗子，對小個子喊道，“你追不上的!”

“我必須追上，”小個子氣喘吁吁地說，“我是司機!”

　　英語爆笑笑話：他們都在這裏

The warden of the prison felt sorry for one of his inmates because every weekend on Visitor’s Day, most of the prisoners had family members and friends coming, but poor George always sat alone in his cell. So one Visitor’s Day, the warden called George to his office and said, "I notice you’ve never had any visitors, George." Sympathetic, he put his hand on George’s shoulder. "Tell me, don’t you have any friends or family?" George replied, "Oh, sure I do, Warden. It’s just that they’re all in here!"

典獄長對獄中一位囚犯深感同情，因爲每逢週末的探訪日，大多數囚犯都有家人或朋友來訪，但是可憐的喬治總是孤伶伶地坐在自己的囚室中。因此在一個探訪日，典獄長把喬治叫到辦公室說：“喬治，我注意到從來沒有人來探望過你。”他滿懷同情地把手放在喬治的肩膀上：“告訴我，你沒有任何朋友或家人嗎?”喬治回答：“喔!當然有，典獄長，只不過他們全都在這裏面!”

　　英語爆笑笑話：狗孃養的

my father, who was 14 years old than my mother, had been working on his will. at a family dinner he told us that he had provided well for mother, but the family home would go to us five children if she remarried.我爸比我媽大14歲，最近一直在寫遺囑。一次家宴上，他告訴我們說他爲母親以後的生活作好了安排，但如果她改嫁的話，家裏的房子將歸我們五個孩子所有。"i don't want another s.o.b. toasting his shins around my fireplace," he explained.“我可不願意另外哪個狗孃養的在我的火爐旁烤他的狗腿，”他解釋道。with a sly grin, mother

cracked, "what makes you think i'd marry another s.o.b?"媽媽狡猾地咧了咧嘴，譏誚道：“你怎麼認爲我會再嫁給一個狗孃養的?”