10個英語笑話

下面是本站小編整理的10個英語笑話，希望大家喜歡!

　英語笑話1：

The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled(被寵壞的) . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(亂髮脾氣) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.

When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.

Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?

Cry? John asked. No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!

六歲的約翰嬌生慣養。他的父親知道這一點，可他的祖父母仍然寵着他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什麼不是哭，就是鬧。他第一天上學才離開祖母的懷抱。

約翰放學了，他奶奶在門口接他並問道：學校怎麼樣?你過的好嗎?哭了沒有?

哭?約翰問，不，我沒哭，可老師哭了。

英語笑話2：

A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

Little Johnny then stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

一個老師在對學生們講心理學，“誰認爲自己蠢就站起來?”她一開始就說。

小約翰尼站了起來。

“你認爲你很蠢嗎，小約翰尼?”老師問。

“不是的，老師，我只是不喜歡看你一個人站着。”

英語笑話3：Stupid Question

Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?"

After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so.

“Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily.

But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?”

愚蠢的問題

丹在一個大城市的某個俱樂部當守門人。每天都有數千人經過他的門口，而且許多人都會停下來問他:“請問現在幾點?”

幾個月後，丹想:“我不想再回答這些蠢人提出的問題了，我要去買一隻大鐘，把它掛在這兒的牆上。”於是他買了一隻鍾，把它掛在了牆上。

“現在人們總不會再停下來問我時間了。”他高興地想。

可是打那以後，每天仍有許多人停下來，看看鐘，然後問丹:“這鐘準嗎?”

　英語笑話4：Things Have Been Okay

A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, Mom, the toast is burned.

You talked! You talked! Shouted his mother. I'm so happy! But why has it taked this long?

Well, up till now, Said the boy, things have been okay.

一切都正常

一對年輕夫婦有個兒子，已經四歲了，還沒有開口說話，他們對此深感焦慮。他們帶他去找專家診治，但醫生們總覺得他沒有毛病。後來有一天早上吃早餐時，那孩子突然開口了：媽媽，麪包烤焦了。

你說話了!你說話了!他母親叫了起來。我太高興了!但爲什麼花了這麼長的時間呢?

哦，在這之前，那男孩說，一切都很正常。

　英語笑話5：What Color

An impoverished graduate student at Clemson University in South Carolina, I was excited when my father informed me that he had bought me a car. Hardly able to contain my enthusiasm, I asked Dad the typical questions: "What kind is it? Does it have a stick shift? Does it have a tape deck?"

"It's a 1982 Toyota," he replied. "It's a four speed, and, yes, it has a tape deck . " Pleased, I asked what color it was.

"Well, " he said uncomfortably, " which part?"

作爲南卡羅萊那州克萊姆森大學的一個本科生，我囊中羞澀，當我父親告訴我他爲我買了輛車時，我甚是激動。我幾乎控制不住我的熱情，問了爸爸幾個關鍵問題：“什麼車?有沒有手排擋?有沒有磁帶艙?”

“是1982年產豐田車，”他回答說，“四速，還有，是的，有磁帶艙。”我甚是高興，又問是什麼顏色的。

“哦，”他很不舒服地說，“你指哪一部分?”

　英語笑話6：

The Name of a PoetOur teacher was telling us about a new system of memory training being used in some schools today. “It works like this，” she said.“Suppose you wanted tore member the name of a poet—Robert Burns，for instance.”She told us to think of him as Bobby Burns.“Now get in your head a picture of a London policeman，a bobby in Burns!” “I see what you mean，” said the class know it all.“But how can you tell that it's Not Robert Browning?”

我們的老師正在給我們介紹現在某些學校使用的一種新的記憶訓練系統。“這個系統是這樣的，”她說。“假定你要記住一個詩人的名字——例如，要記住羅伯特·彭斯的名字。”她告訴我們把他當作博比·彭斯。“讓你的腦海裏閃現出一個倫敦警察的形象，燃燒着的警察。明白嗎?警察燃燒!” “我明白你的意思，”班上的萬事通說。“但是你怎麼能說那就不是羅伯特·布朗寧呢?”

　英語笑話7：

No matter which girl he brought home， the young man found disapproval from his mother. A friend gave him advice. “Find a girl just like your mother—then she's bound to like her. So the young man searched and searched， and finally found the told his friendly adviser： “Just like you said， I found a girl who looked，talked，dressed， and even cooked like just as you said，mother liked her” “So，”asked the friend，“what happened?” “Nothing，”said the young man.“My father hates her!”

無論帶哪一個女孩回家，這位青年人總會遭到母親的反對。一位朋友勸他說： “找一個和你母親一樣的女孩——那她一定會喜歡她。” 於是這位青年人不停地找啊找，終於找到了這麼個女孩。 正像你說的那樣，我找到一個長相、談吐、穿着打扮，甚至連烹飪都和我母親一樣的女孩。也正像你說的那樣，我母親喜歡她。” “那後來呢?”朋友問。 “沒什麼，”青年人說。“我父親討厭她!”

　英語笑話8：

Our physics professor was struggling to draw the class into discussion of Archimede's principle of water displacement. He told us that Archimede noticed that when he got into a pool at the public bathhouse, the water rose spilling over the edge. Excited at his discovery, he ran down the street yelling, "Eureka, eureka!" The instructor asked if anyone knew what that meant.

One student stood up and answered, "I'm naked ! I'm naked!"

我們的物理教授千方百計引導我們討論阿基米德的排水原理。他告訴我們阿基米德去公共浴池洗澡，他進入池子，發現水漲高了，溢出池沿。他對這一發現十分激動，跑到街上高叫：“Eureka，Eureka!”教授問我們誰知道他喊的是什麼意思。

一個學生站起來答道：“我光屁股啦，我光屁股啦!”

英語笑話9：

A man who had been married for ten years was consulting a marriage counselor. “When I was first married，I was very happy. I'd come home from a hard day down at the shop，and my little dog would race around barking，and my wife would bring me my everything's I come home，my dog brings me my slippers，and my wife barks at me.” “I don't know what you're complaining about，”said the counselor.“You're still getting the same service.”

一個結婚十年的男人正在請教一位婚姻顧問。“剛結婚那會兒，我非常幸福。我在店裏勞累一天回到家，我的小狗會繞着我跑，汪汪叫，而我的妻子給我拿來拖鞋。現在一切都變了。我回到家裏，我的狗給我拿來拖鞋，我的妻子對着我汪汪叫。” “我不知道你在抱怨什麼，”婚姻顧問說。“你得到的服務還是一樣的呀。”

英語笑話10：

A highway patrol officer stopped a speeding motorist. "Don't you know what the blinking lights and siren mean?" he demanded.

"Yes, sir," replied the driver.

"Then why didn't you pull over immediately?"

"I would have, officer, " the man said. "But last month my wife ran off with a policeman, and I was afraid you were bringing her back.

一位公路巡警截住了一個超速司機。“難道你不知道閃爍燈和警笛的意思嗎?”他責問道。

“知道，長官，”司機回答說。

“那你爲什麼不立即靠邊停車?”

“我本來想這樣做的，長官。”那男子回答說，“但上個月我妻子和一位警察私奔了，我是害怕你把她帶回來。”