經典科幻文學:《生命 宇宙及一切》第6章2

Tough. Look, there’s somewhere you can take us where we can have fun, I’m trying to think of it, we can get drunk and maybe listen to some extremely evil music. Hold on, I’ll look it up. He dug out his copy of The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and tipped through those pArts of the index primarily concerned with sex and drugs and rock and roll.
A curse has arisen from the mists of time, said Slartibartfast.
Yes, I expect so, said Ford. Hey, he said, lighting accidentally on one particular reference entry, Eccentrica Gallumbits, did you ever meet her? The triple-breasted whore of Eroticon Six. Some people say her erogenous zones start some four miles from her actual body. Me, I disagree, I say five.
A curse, said Slartibartfast, which will engulf the Galaxy in fire and destruction, and possibly bring the Universe to a premature doom. I mean it, he added.
Sounds like a bad time, said Ford, with look I’ll be drunk enough not to notice. Here, he said, stabbing his finger at the screen of the Guide, would be a really wicked place to go, and I think we should. What do you say, Arthur? Stop mumbling mantras and pay attention. There’s important stuff you’re missing here.
Arthur pushed himself up from his couch and shook his head.
Where are we going? he said.
To confront an ancient night.
Can it, said Ford. Arthur, we are going out into the Galaxy to have some fun. Is that an idea you can cope with?
What’s Slartibartfast looking so anxious about? said Arthur.
Nothing, said Ford.
Doom, said Slartibartfast. Come, he added, with sudden authority, there is much I must show and tell you.
He walked towards a green wrought-iron spiral staircase set incomprehensibly in the middle of the flight deck and started to ascend. Arthur, with a frown, followed.
Ford slung the Guide sullenly back into his satchel.
My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, he muttered to himself, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.
Nevertheless, he stomped up the stairs behind them.
What they found upstairs was just stupid, or so it seemed, and Ford shook his head, buried his face in his hands and slumped against a pot plant, crushing it against the wall.
The central computational area, said Slartibartfast unperturbed, this is where every calculation affecting the ship in any way is performed. Yes I know what it looks like, but it is in fact a complex four-dimensional topographical map of a series of highly complex mathematical functions.
It looks like a joke, said Arthur.

“倒黴。你瞧，你可以帶我們去一些有樂子的地方，我正在想呢。我們可以在那兒一醉方休……也許還能聽點兒刺激的音樂。等等，我找找。”他掏出他的《銀河系漫遊指南》，鏈接到那些主要內容爲性、毒品和搖滾樂的頁面上。
“一個詛咒已經從時間的迷霧中甦醒過來。”司拉提巴特法斯說。
“是的，我知道。”福特說，“嘿，”他突然發現了一條資料，頓時容光煥發，“伊克森催卡·蓋倫比茨，你見過她嗎？情慾星系第六星上那位三個乳房的妓女。有人說她的快感帶從她身體的四英里外就開始了。我呀，可不同意。我覺得是五公里。”
“一個詛咒，”司拉提巴特法斯說，“將使銀河系陷入戰火與毀滅。甚至可能令宇宙過早地走向末日。我是認真的。”他補充道。
“聽起來挺糟糕。”福特說，“到時候我一定醉得厲害，那就什麼也不知道了。這兒，”他用手指點着《指南》的屏幕，“是個超好的地方，我想我們該去這兒。你覺得怎樣，阿瑟？別再念你的經了， 注意聽。你要錯過非常重要的東西了。”
阿瑟從沙發上掙扎着爬起來，搖着頭。
“我們要去哪兒？”他問。
“去見證一個遠古的夜晚。”
“是嗎。”福特說，“阿瑟，我們要到銀河系裏找點樂子。你能接受這個建議吧？”
“司拉提巴特法斯在緊張什麼？”阿瑟說。
“沒什麼？”福特說。
“厄運，”司拉提巴特法斯說，“來臨了。”他接着說，突然間神情莊嚴，“我必須告訴你們一些事，給你們看一些東西。”
他走向船艙正中央，那兒難以理解地安了一個綠色金屬旋轉樓梯。他拾級而上。阿瑟皺了皺眉，也跟着往上走。
福特相當鬱悶地把《指南》扔回自己的書包。
“我的醫生說我有個畸形的公衆責任腺，還有個先天缺陷的道德纖維組織。”他喃喃自語，“因此我總是逃避拯救宇宙。”
不管怎樣，他還是跟在兩人後面，咚咚地踏上了樓梯。
他們在樓上所見到的東西，只能用愚蠢來形容，或者說看上去很愚蠢。福特重重地搖着頭，把臉深深地埋進雙手，頹然靠在一株盆栽旁邊，把植物擠到了牆上。
“電腦中樞區，”司拉提巴特法斯若無其事地說，“這就是飛船所依靠的所有運算進行的地方。是的，我知道他看上去有多不堪，但它其實是個複雜的四維圖，畫的是一些高難度的數學函數。”
“看上去真可笑。”阿瑟說。