你所以爲的爲人母的生活vs.真實的爲人母生活
The funniest thing in the world just might be someone without kids sharing their "wisdom" on how they will be upon becoming a parent. It's amazing how awesome and well-behaved both you and your kids are in your own little fantasy world of how you'll parent when you're not actually a parent, isn't it?
人世間最搞笑的事情可能就是沒有小孩的人暢聊他們以後會成爲什麼樣的父母。令人驚歎的是，在你的理想世界中（未爲人父母時想象自己爲人父母的場景），你和你的孩子都是那麼出色、那麼循規蹈矩，是不是？You think motherhood is going to be one way and that you'll always get big fat A-pluses on all your motherhood "assignments," but then reality gives you a beat down like nobody's business.
你覺得當你成爲一名母親的時候，你會出色的完成每一項"任務"，但現實卻會給你沉重一擊。BIRTH
分娩
Expectation:
預期情況：You thought you'd go all natural with childbirth.
你覺得你會不痛不癢的完成分娩。Reality:
現實：Meanwhile, that birth hurt like a mutha and the anesthesiologist became your BFF.
分娩的時候超痛的，而麻醉師會成爲你最好的朋友。
BABY SLEEP
哄寶寶睡覺Expectation:
預期情況：Your baby will sleep in their crib! You would never let your kid sleep in your bed. What are those novice parents talking about? You'll show them!
你的寶寶會在嬰兒牀上睡覺！你決不會讓孩子跟你在牀上睡。這些初爲人父/母的家長到底是怎麼想的？讓事實說話！Reality:
現實：Your toddler owns your half of the bed. You own a quarter ... with the family dog.
你的寶寶佔了一半的牀。你和狗狗只睡四分之一。YOUR OWN SLEEP
你的睡眠Expectation:
預期情況：You'll sleep when the baby sleeps. Every mother knows it's important to get that shut-eye when the baby isn't awake.
寶寶睡的時候你就會睡覺。每位母親都知道在寶寶睡着時自己也眯一會兒的重要性。Reality:
現實：You're boob-deep in laundry piles and haven't had a nap since the '90s, when Felicity still had her long curly hair.
你整天都在洗衣服，很久沒有打過瞌睡了，而Felicity還在打理她長長的捲髮。SCREEN TIME
屏幕時間Expectation:
預期情況：You'll never let your kid watch YouTube at all. Ever! Don't parents know what children can find on there? Come on, people, stop being slackers! Do something with your child!
你永遠都不會讓小孩子看YouTube視頻。永遠都不會！家長們難道不知道小孩子會看到什麼嘛？得了吧，千萬別成爲懶蟲好嘛！和孩子一起做點事情吧！Reality:
現實：Your kid navigates YouTube and skips the paid ads like a pro.
你的孩子非常熟練的玩着YouTube，還會跳過廣告。BABY WILL NOT BOTHER ANYONE IN PUBLIC
寶寶不會在公共場所擾了別人Expectation:
預期情況：You'll never bring your kid to a remotely grown-up restaurant. Isn't that what Friendly's is for? And, please, bring your kid to a nail salon?! Get a babysitter, people!
你永遠都不會帶孩子去一個離家很遠的成人餐廳吃飯。這難道不就是爲人友好的做法嗎？而且，帶孩子去做指甲？找個保姆帶一下好嘛！Reality:
現實：Your local fancy restaurant has a special pasta dish for your picky 3-year-old. Your preschooler points out your manicurist's mistakes and says, "Watch those cuticles, lady."
當地的高檔餐廳爲您挑剔的3歲寶寶準備了特色意大利麪。你的學齡前兒童指出美甲師的錯誤，說道："女士，請注意那些角質層。"
