在社會上如何把握擁抱禮儀的分寸大綱

I'm not a hugger. When I see a registered personal-space invader coming my way at a party, the music from 'Jaws' plays in my head. And there are lots of people like me -- reasonably comfortable in social situations, no particular phobias, just a bit reserved in expressions of physical intimacy.

我不是個愛擁抱的人。在派對上看到習慣侵犯私人空間的人走過來時，我腦子裏就會響起《大白鯊》(Jaws)的音樂。有很多人都和我一樣——在社交場合挺自在，沒有特別的恐懼症，只是在身體親密行爲的表達上有點保守。

For us fans of personal space, these are difficult times. America has become a hugging culture. What's an Academy Award without a gauntlet of hugs from seat to stage? Any sports win will ignite an orgy of whooping, full-body man hugs. Political empathy in tragedy is measured in hugs.

對我們這些喜歡保持一定距離的人來說，這種時候就比較難熬。美國已經成爲了一個崇尚擁抱文化的國家。沒有從座位到舞臺的一連串擁抱能叫奧斯卡頒獎禮(Academy Award)嗎？任何體育項目的獲勝都會引起一陣狂歡式的全身擁抱。悲劇事件中政治同理心是通過擁抱來衡量的。

We remain a 'medium touch' culture -- more physically demonstrative than Japan, where a bow is the all-purpose hello and goodbye, but less demonstrative than Latin or Eastern European cultures, where hugs are robust and can include a kiss on both cheeks. But we do seem to be hugging more.

我們還是一個“中度接觸”的文化——比日本人更喜歡用身體接觸表達感情，但不如拉丁或東歐文化。在日本，鞠躬是通行的問候和告別禮節，而在拉丁和東歐國家，擁抱都很有力，還包括親吻兩邊的臉頰。但我們確實似乎擁抱得越來越多了。

For men, this is newly slippery terrain. Handshakes are scripted and reliable -- a firm grip, a couple of brisk pumps, and done. There is evidence of hand-shaking as far back as the fifth century B.C. It may have started as a gesture of peace by proving that the hand held no weapon.

對男士來說，這是個新的需要謹慎對待的禮儀。握手已經約定俗成，比較可靠——握緊、輕輕搖晃兩下、結束。早在公元前五世紀就有關於握手的記載，可能最早是一種表示和平的手勢，是爲了證明手裏沒有武器。

With hugging now in play, men must do rapid social calculations: body language, length and nature of the relationship, setting, alcohol effect and the other's intentions. Decisions must be made in split seconds.

如今到了流行擁抱的時候，男士們必須進行快速的社交計算：肢體語言、與對方關係的時長和性質、環境、酒精效應還有對方的意圖。決定必須在一瞬間做出。

Male friends tell me that they adhere to the one-second rule (one-Mississippi and . . . break). They also favor the A-frame hug -- shoulders touching, handshake high, a couple of quick taps on the back. There is no such middle ground for women. It's either shake or hug.

男性朋友告訴我，他們堅持“一秒原則”（默唸“密西西比”剛好一秒……然後結束）。他們還喜歡A字型擁抱——碰肩、高舉雙手相握、拍拍背。對女性來說沒有這樣的中間選擇，要麼握手要麼擁抱。

Bill Clinton has perfected the hug that is not a hug: a handshake complemented by also holding the other's upper arm. Advantage -- more intense than a handshake but short of an embrace, and it can be maintained indefinitely. It can also easily progress to a full hug as the conversation dictates.

比爾·克林頓(Bill Clinton)完善了一種不算擁抱的擁抱方式：握手的同時抓住對方的上臂。好處是——比單純的握手更熱情但又不算擁抱，而且姿勢可以保持很長時間。隨着談話的進展還可以很容易發展成全身擁抱。

When we expand our exploration to the man-woman hug, things get dicey. Especially at work.

異性擁抱就比較危險了，尤其是在職場。

Science says that hugs are healthy: They release endorphins, strengthen the immune system, boost self-esteem and promote bonding. But they can also put a warning in your personnel file.

科學研究表明擁抱有益健康：可以釋放內啡?，增強免疫系統，提升自尊，增進感情。不過同時也會讓你的人事檔案裏出現警告。

There are many valid reasons to hug in an office setting -- anything from a big team win to goodbyes after downsizing. But one senior executive I know shared some universal career advice: 'Don't yell, don't cry, don't hug.' His advice is backed by surveys that say that most people don't want intimacy with other workers.

在工作場合有很多擁抱的正當理由——從團隊獲勝到裁員告別，可擁抱的場合很多。但我認識的一位高管分享了一個通用的職場建議：“不要喊，不要哭，不要擁抱。”他的建議得到了問卷調查結果的支持，調查顯示大多數人不想和同事有親密行爲。

As the question of whether or not to hug becomes more situational, the potential rises for awkward encounters. The biggest risk: going in for a hug only to realize too late that the other person had not planned the same. Expert consensus says that if you're going for the hug and it's too late to turn back, don't stop. Press on, but make it quick.

既然該不該擁抱的問題變得越來越取決於場合因素，那麼會面時出現尷尬的可能性就變大了。最大的風險是：準備擁抱的時候卻意識到對方並沒有同樣打算。專家一致認爲，如果你準備擁抱，而且回頭又太晚，那就不要停。抱上去，但動作要快。

For nonhuggers, there are some defensive maneuvers. Deflect: Keep something (a desk, a table, a co-worker) between you and the serial hugger until the moment passes. Deny: 'Sorry, I'm not much of a hugger.' Resist: Take physical control with a stiff handshake and firm elbow that keeps personal space intact. Escape: Find something that requires your immediate attention. If nothing comes to mind, drop your cellphone. lie: 'I really don't want you to catch this cold I have.' Or when diversion isn't feasible and escape is impossible, accept the hug with an icy response and hope that the hugger remembers.

對不喜歡擁抱的人來說有一些防禦動作。轉移：讓“連環擁抱者”和自己之間有個障礙物，比如桌子、茶几或者同事，直到那個時刻過去。拒絕：“對不起，我不大喜歡擁抱。”反抗：用身體控制，握手時故意保持僵硬，肘部僵硬一點，以防個人空間被入侵。逃避：尋找需要你們立即注意的事情。如果找不到的話就故意摔手機。撒謊：“我實在不想把感冒傳染給你。”在沒辦法轉移、又不可能逃避的時候，那就冷冰冰地接受擁抱並希望對方能記住教訓。

Workplace hugging is particularly problematic when your workplace happens to be a school. Teachers have been told never to hug any child for any reason -- even though a hug is precisely what a child might need.

如果你是在學校上班，那麼擁抱的問題就會格外棘手。學校要求老師不能以任何理由擁抱學生，即使學生需要也不行。

Many schools have also added a written policy against hugging between students, with suspensions finding their way into national news. Students and some parents are irate at bans on a simple act of affection. But feel for the school administrator, responsible for determining when a simple act of affection becomes a more complex situation.

很多學校還增加了禁止學生之間擁抱的書面規定，取消這種規定的呼聲開始見諸於全美各處媒體。學生和部分家長不滿學校禁止這種簡單的表達情感的行爲。但從校方管理人員的角度來看又情有可原，在簡單的情感表達行爲變成更復雜的問題時，需要做出決定的是他們。

There is always the question: Are we overthinking this? Maybe we've complicated a simple act to the point that risk has overtaken reward, and it's just not worth the effort. Some would say it's a lamentable loss of human connection. As someone who believes that we call it personal space for a reason, I'm OK with that.

總有這樣一個問題：我們是不是想太多了？也許我們把一個簡單的行爲想得太複雜了，讓風險壓倒了好處，其實根本就不值得這麼費盡心思去想。有人會說這是人類情感聯繫的可悲損失。作爲一個認爲私人空間很有必要的人，我表示贊同。