9件被忽略的日常小事會導致婚姻危機大綱

Everyone knows that marriage takes work. That's obvious. But a huge misconception is that only BIG things will derail your marriage: infidelity, addiction, adultery, etc. Quite often, you don't see the little things chip, chip, chipping away at you once-solid relationship foundations when in reality, it's those tiny things that eventually erode your relationship from within - without you even realizing it! - until years of petty resentments finally explode. Here's a few tiny earthquakes to watch out for:

每個人都知道婚姻需要營造。這是事實。但大家都有一個誤區，以爲只有大事纔會破壞婚姻：不忠，沉迷，等等。很多時候，是瑣碎的小事削弱着你們本是牢固的關係，這些小事在你們似懂非懂的地方腐蝕掉你們的愛情，——直到很多年後，矛盾最終爆發。下面是幾個你需要提防的地方：

1. Not really talking

1. 沒有真心討論

Wake-up call: Passing each other in the hallway and mumbling something about someone taking out the trash is not talking. If you don't spend quality time talking about your lives - really, truly, deeply talking about your lives, beyond the small talk and trivialties - you aren't connecting. And if you're not connecting, you're growing apart. Simple as that.

起牀時間：在走廊裏擦肩而過，喃喃的說着該有人去倒垃圾了。如果你們不在黃金時間談論你們的生活——真實地，真正地，深刻地，談論你們的生活，而不是那些無聊的瑣事——你們將不會交心。然後，如果你們不能交心，你們的關係會越來越疏遠。就這麼簡單。

2. Farting in front of each other

2. 在對方面前放屁

You think I'm kidding? When you get the stage where you cut your toenails in front of him, can easily braid the hair on your legs, would need hedge-trimmers to clip through your public hair and think nothing of breaking wind loudly in front of him, you have long passed the comfortable stage. You've now reached the ‘roommate' stage. Romance only dies when you let it. You need to keep the mystery alive and one way to do that is by closing the bathroom door. Knowing everything about another person, including their bowel habits, is not healthy. Get some mystery back into your relationship, STAT.

你以爲我在逗你？當你在他面前剪腳趾甲，當你給自己大腿間的陰毛整形，你可能還需要一些設備來修剪它們，你也從不在乎在他面前大聲放屁，這些都說明你們的生活已經安逸太久了。你們現在進入了"室友模式"。浪漫總是在隨性中喪失殆盡。你需要保持一些神祕感，比如關上洗手間的門。過於瞭解一個人，甚至包括他們排便的習慣，是有害的。還是給你們的關係多點神祕感吧。

3. Re-stacking a dishwasher after he's stacked it

3. 在他整理完碗碟後重新整理一遍

We know you have good intentions (and that you just want the job to be done right), but when you do this, you're undermining your husband. He'll interpret this behavior as you thinking he can't do anything or that everything always has to be your way. Also, if you continue to "re-do" all his attempts at housework, I assure you, he'll stop helping altogether.

我知道你的意圖是好的（你只是想把工作作的更好），但是，當你這麼做的時候，你正在傷害你的丈夫。他會把你的行爲解釋爲，你認爲他什麼也做不好，或者，任何事都要按你的方式做。而且，如果你不斷的重做他做完的家務活，我敢保證，他再也不會幫助你了。

4. Spending more time on the Internet than you do with each other

4. 上網的時間比你們在一起的時間還多

Who gives a flying f*ck what Henry De whurst is doing since you left high school? Does it matter that he's sailed around the world and now runs XYZ business in NYC? Nope. Hint: It's not normal to spend more time looking at wedding photos of a wed ng you weren't invited to than you do with your family. So if you're spending more of your life talking t o people you used to know or even worse, have never met, than hanging with your spouse, what pray tell a e you doing?! Ban iphones and technology from the bedroom (we know, it.s hard) and watch your sex life (£ nd marriage!) miraculously improve.

是誰讓你在你高中畢業後做那些Henry Dewhurst正在做的事倩？過去他環遊世界 ,現茌卻只在紐約敲着XYZ ,真的沒問題嗎？不，很有問題。暗示：花費大量時間瀏覽那些你沒有參加的婚禮的照片而不是與家人在一起一點都不好。所以，如果你同那些你過去不認識,甚至從未見過的人交談所花費的時間超過與自己的另一半在一起的時間,你需要做點什麼?從牀上_iphone和電子產品（我知道，很難）,然後看着你的性夥伴(或者另一半 ),都會改善。

5. Canceling date night over and over again

5. 一次又一次的取消夜晚約會

Yup, we all have deadlines. We all have draconian bosses breathing down our necks - and yes, there will always be good reason to cancel date night - especially if the sitter lets you down again. But do so at your peril because postponing one-on-one time is symbolic of where your marriage is in your list of priorities. If you'd rather attend a Zumba class than have a glass of wine with your husband, that's a red flag. Your relationship is sacred; treat it as such.

是的，我們都沒有時間。我們都有嚴厲的老闆勒緊我們的脖子——是的，這是取消約會的最好藉口——尤其，當模特讓你失望的時候。但是，這很危險，因爲推遲一對一約會是一個信號：你們的婚姻在生命中所處的優先權。如果你參加尊巴舞訓練班比與你的丈夫一起幹杯更優先，這就是紅色警報，你們的關係已經危險了。想辦法拯救吧。

6. Paying more attention to your kids than him

6. 對孩子的關注比對他的關注多太多

How many moms do you know who shower their kids with affection and give their husbands a quick pat on the back when he swoops in for a kiss? Remembering to stop and give each other actual physical affection - not just a requisite peck on the cheek - is the sign of a healthy relationship. When you spend day in/day out with someone, it's easy to neglect them. The mundane goings-on of daily life take precedent and by the time you get the kids to bed and collapse on the sofa, showing any kind of affection feels like an extra chore. But here's a secret: Do. It. Anyway. Affection, leading or not leading to sex, cannot be overstated.

有多少母親都會認真的給孩子洗澡，同時給想衝過來親吻的丈夫一個背影？記得停下來和你的另一半親熱——不能只在臉上輕輕一吻——如果做了，標誌着你們的關係健康。當你整天和其他人有約，他們很容易被你忽略。如果每天都只有日常的生活，有時候你把孩子送到牀上，自己倒在沙發上，此時此刻任何情感都變成了一種額外的家務。但是，我有個祕籍：無論如何，做它。情感嘛，不論最後有沒有做愛，都不是多餘的。

7. Never quite losing the baby weight

7. 產後不減肥

It may be controversial, but letting yourself go physically when you get comfortable with someone is a sure-fire way to send you partner looking elsewhere. When they met you, you were 23 with great abs but three kids and twenty years later, well, things don't quite look the same. We get it; life happens. But looking after your own appearance means you feel good about yourself which in turn, means they feel good about you too. The brutal truth is you need to move your ass off the couch and down to the gym. You cared about your ass before, so why not now? Becoming lazy after you've hooked your catch isn't a sexy look for anyone.

這是有爭議的，但是，當你大腹便便的與其他人談笑風生時會讓你的丈夫十分窘迫。當他們認識你時，你只有23歲，身材苗條，但是，當你有了3個孩子且過了20年後，嗯，一切都不一樣了。是的，生活開始了。但是，注意自己的外表意味着你感覺改變一下更美，意味着他們也這麼認爲。殘酷的事實是，你需要離開睡椅到健身椅上去，你以前擔心自己的屁股太大，那麼，現在爲什麼不擔心呢？生孩子後越來越懶的女人一點都不性感。

8. Never saying "hanks"

8. 從不說“謝謝”

My husband often feels like he deserves a medal every time he puts a loa d of wash in. (Never mind that I separated the wash, put it in the dryer, and spent hours folding it.) I want to stab him in the eyes when he expects validation for a relatively simple task but I give it to him anyway. Why? Because at least he did it. And when he feels empowered, BONUS: he might just do someth else, like grocery shopping or cleaning the fridge. By thanking him. I'm saying: "I see you, I acknowledg e you." Likewise, he should be thanking you, too. Otherwise there's a tendency to start playing the &lsqu o;who did more' game, which quickly leads to resentment. The more grateful you are, the more likely he'll do more. Trust me.

我丈夫經常在洗了很多衣服後認爲自己應該被頒發勳章。（且毫不介意我之後把衣服分類，放進甩幹機，然後花數小時疊好它們。)在他做了簡單的工作卻想得到表揚時我真想瞪他，但我還是感謝了他。爲什麼?因爲至少他做了。並且當他感覺被感謝後，意外之喜：他可能會繼續做其他的事,比如,去雜貨店買油鹽醬醋,或者淸理冰箱。感謝他時，我說：“我看到了 ,我認可你。”同祥，他也應該感謝你。否則,你們將會糾結於“誰幹的更多”，最終導致矛盾。你感激他越多，他做的越多。相信我。

9. Spending too much time with your side of the family

9. 花太多的時間關心孃家了

Yes, we all know the guilt-trip moms are capable of if you aren't home to celebrate Thanksgiving but just for once, ask your other half what they would like to do for the holidays. By pleasing your parents more than your spouse, you're slowly poisoning your relationship and we hate to break it to you, hubby's probably had enough of your Dad talking about his golf swing and your Mom droning on about her recent knee surgery. Here's an idea: Instead of going to Gram and Gramps, ask them to come stay and spend time with the kids while you two get away, together!

是的，我們都知道如果你沒地方過感恩節，父母們以帶你們一起過，但是，即使只一次，問下你的另一半，他想怎麼過。對自己的父母過於關心，超過自己的另一半，你會慢慢傷害你們的感情，同時我不得不打斷你，你的丈夫可能已經與你的老爸聊了太多的高爾夫了，也聽了太多你老媽對自己膝關節手術的牢騷了。 給你一個建議：換一種方式，讓你的父母與你的孩子們呆在一起，此刻，你們去獨享幸福的二人旅行！