人們出軌的10個最常見的理由(下)

are genetically programmed to cheat

5.天生自帶出軌基因

When some people cheat their excuse might be that they could simply not help themselves. While most of us would write off that excuse as not worth the paper it was written on it seems that there might be some truth in it after all.

一些人出軌了之後，他們會說，他們就是沒辦法。可能大多數人都會覺得這種說辭瞎到壓根沒必要寫出來，但最近的科學研究表明這話說不定還有幾分可信。

Recent research has identified that a receptor gene for vasopressin which is a chemical released through sex could indicate whether or not a man is likely to cheat at some point in his life. Nicknamed the 'cheater gene' it appears that men with a long version of the vasopressin gene are likely to be faithful to their partners and families. Men with a shorter version of the gene are far more likely to cheat. Most people will have heard of the chemical Oxytocin. This is the 'feel good' chemical that causes us to feel content. It is released by our bodies when we feel pleasurable touch. It appears that some people have a lower than average number of oxytocin receptors in their body and are, therefore, less able to enjoy the strong bonds of trust, love and affection that are common in long term relationships. It is not just vasopressin and oxytocin. Research related to the role of the DRD4 dopamine receptor gene in ADHD has shown that those who have a mutation to that particular gene may be more at risk for both ADHD and cheating. Of course not everyone with ADHD will be a cheater but it appears that it may be a risk factor that would lead someone to be tempted to cheat on their spouse. All people have the DRD4 gene – it is related to a person's propensity to gamble or take risks (sexual or otherwise). A long DRD4 gene can lead to a 50% increase in the likelihood that someone will cheat. Of course at the start of the relationship you could get your partner to undergo expensive genetic tests on their DRD4, Vasopressin and Oxytocin genes but there is a simpler way to check – if their parents or grandparents were cheaters then they may have inherited the desire to roam!

加壓素--一種通過性行爲得到釋放的荷爾蒙--科學家們最近發現了其受體基因，這種基因可以確定一個人是否會出軌。科學家們戲稱其爲'出軌基因'，一個人的這種基因如果長得較長，那他更有可能對伴侶與家庭保持忠誠，但反之則出軌機率會更大。大多數人都聽說過催產素，它是一種讓人'感覺愉快'的荷爾蒙。當人們喜歡來自別人的碰觸時，身體就會釋放這種元素。但有些人催產素感官基因的個數比正常人要少，因此，他們就無法像他人一樣享受信任與愛情帶來的親密感，而這種親密感是長期關係中所必需的。除了加壓素跟催產素，還有注意力缺陷多動障礙--俗稱小兒多動症--中的多巴胺。研究表明帶有這種基因變異體的人會比他人更有可能罹患小兒多動症，也更有可能出軌。當然不是每個得了小兒多動症的人都會出軌，但他更像一個潛在的危險因素，患者可能受他人誘惑出軌。所有人都有多巴胺--這種基因存在在人們的天性裏，誘惑着我們去冒險（性或其他）。當然在剛開始一段關係時，你可以你讓你的伴侶進行貴死人的基因測試，檢查一下他們體內以上三種基因，但也有更簡單的方法--如果他們的父母或祖父母曾經有出軌史，他們就可能繼承到了這種基因！

feel emasculated in their marriage

4.在婚姻中感覺傷了自尊

When the film Sliding Doors was the surprise hit of 1998 we were all revolted by the behavior of the reprehensible Gerry who let his long term girlfriend work herself to the bone to support him in his research for a novel whilst all the time carrying on with an old flame. Societal expectations tell us that men should be the breadwinners and therefore should be earning more than the women in their life. This is at odds with equal opportunity legislation in many countries and the plain truth is that some women earn more than the man they are in a relationship with and this will only increase as time goes on. At the present time American women earn more than their partners in 4 out of 10 households. Instead of feeling pleased that their partner is successful and supporting her in her career these men let her do all the hard work and use the time she is out of the house to get their sexual fix elsewhere.

1998年，電影《雙面情人》出人意料地大獲好評，其中女主人公男友傑瑞在劇中的所作所爲簡直令人髮指，作爲一個所謂的小說家，傑瑞讓女友海倫每日辛苦上班以支持他寫作，但自己卻與前女友舊情不斷。一直以來，社會期望男人應該是賺錢養家的主力，所以男人應該比女友/老婆賺得多。但這種期望其實是跟許多國家性別公平的法律法規背道而馳，而且現實生活中，就是有一些女性比他們的另一半賺得多，隨着時間流逝，這種差距只會變得更大，而不會縮小。如今在美國，10個家庭裏有4個是妻子比他們的丈夫賺得更多。而這些丈夫呢，他們不僅不爲了妻子的事業成功感到高興並全力支持她們，反而把生活重擔都推給妻子，並利用她們不在家的時間在其他女人那裏尋求性安慰。

These sexual activities can help the man feel that he is in control, that he is a proper man and not emasculated by his wife or partner. While women who earn less are only 5% more likely to cheat on their spouses a dependent man is more than 15% more likely to cheat on his hard working wife. Of course their very insecurities are likely, if discovered, to cost them the wife and their support system.

這種性安慰幫助這些男人重建自信，他們會感到他們是個真正的男人，並沒有被妻子比下去。研究表明，賺得比伴侶更少的女性會比其他女性出軌的機率高5%，但同樣情況下，男性卻要多出15%。當然，這種經濟帶來的不安全感導致的出軌行爲，一旦被發現，則會讓他們付出更高的代價，妻子、票子統統離他而去。

like to flash the cash

3.願意去炫耀金錢

Sadly it is not just men who earn less money than their wives or partners (and men are sadly more likely to cheat than women) but men and women who earn a lot more than their partners are also likely to enjoy a bit on the side. This is because the imbalance of earnings means that they are far more likely to have control of the family accounts and be able to hide the trail of breadcrumbs that identify their extra-curricular activities. Their employment may also give them the chance to engage in their little hobby (see below).

不幸的是，不僅僅是比伴侶賺得錢少的男人（而且男性就是比女性更容易出軌），錢賺得比另一半多得多的男男女女也會容易出軌。這是因爲收入的不平衡意味着這些人更有可能控制家庭收支，也更有可能把暴露他們行蹤的花銷隱藏起來。而且職業本身也可能提供了他們出軌的機會（看下面那個理由）。

It seems that some people just can't win – if they earn too much their partner is going to have an excuse to cheat on them whereas if they earn too little they are vulnerable as well. The truth is probably that the cheater falls into one of the other categories set out in this article but that their relative wealth gives them the chance to indulge in affairs and get the very best fling that money can buy. It is not just wealth that is a risk factor for cheating – powerful people are also at risk for being an unfaithful partner. It seems that a sense of power encourages people to flirt with those that they find attractive and for that flirting to be returned (power is sexy after all, otherwise how would all those ancient, ugly politicians get people to sleep with them). Add to this that powerful people are more likely to be surrounded by people who want to make them feel good, who downplay the vices and talk up the virtues (sycophants in other words) to remain part of the 'club'. This creates an environment in which cheating is not only possible and probable but also implicitly condoned and seen as nothing very much out of the ordinary.

這麼看來，有些人就是不可能贏--如果他們賺的太多了，他們的伴侶有藉口出軌，反之亦然。事實是，那些有錢人因爲我們提到的其他原因出軌，而他們的財富爲他們的不忠提供了溫牀，錢恰恰花在了最值得的地方。不僅僅錢是出軌的潛在因素--有權人也同樣危險。權威感會鼓勵人們與潛在對象大膽調情，而一旦這種調情得到迴應，人們就有可能出軌（畢竟權力即性感，否則古代的那些醜八怪政治家如何睡了一個又一個）。不僅如此，有點權力的人周圍都是馬屁精，吹捧逢迎，無所不及，好關鍵時刻沾沾光。這就給那些人營造了一種氛圍，出軌不僅是可能可行的，而且壓根沒什麼大不了，更不必爲此有罪惡感。

have the opportunity to cheat

2.有機會出軌

Studies have shown that people are typically morally corrupt. Because society has morals and puts a premium on people holding to those morals the majority of us will do just enough to be seen to comply. That is – we all want people to think that we are good, decent members of society but will, in reality, get away with as much moral turpitude as we possibly can.

研究表明，人們都是典型性道德腐敗。因爲社會樹立了道德準則，並高度讚揚遵守這一準則的人們，所以我們中的大多數都會做一些必要的事情，讓社會看到我們也是如此。也就是說--我們都希望別人覺得我們是好人，但事實上，一有機會就盡情墮落。

The result of this hypocrisy is that while we will be faithful to our partners when it is easy many people will, when faced with the opportunity to cheat will do so. This does not mean that people will necessarily engage in emotional affairs or long term sexual affairs. A survey on the science of one night stands showed that the overwhelming majority of men would go home with a woman who offered them no strings attached sex even if they were unattractive. Women were also willing to cheat and engage in a one night stand but only if the man in question was deemed very attractive. People who go away for business, those who find themselves away from home or in the company of single friends on a regular basis are going to have opportunities to cheat – some of those people will take up those opportunities without a second thought.

這種僞善的結果就是，當忠貞毫不費力的時候，我們就會對另一半保持忠誠，但一有機會出軌，我們也不會猶豫。當然，這並不意味着出軌的人一定會投入感情，或維持長期的性關係。一項關於一夜情的科學研究表明，絕大多數男性會跟一位陌生女性回家，如果她表示事後絕不糾纏，即使他們不覺得她有任何吸引力。女性也同樣對出軌躍躍欲試，想要嚐嚐一夜情的滋味，但前提是對象得十分有魅力。經常需要出差的人們，尤其是時不時就去離家很遠的地方，或是經常與單身狗們一起玩耍的人，就有機會出軌--一些人碰到這樣的機會甚至會毫不猶豫地答應前往。

are lowlife scum

1.他們是渣男渣女

A cheater, when discovered, will always come up with some excuse. It may be that they are a sex addict, that they are genetically predisposed to be unfaithful or that a stunningly attractive individual made them an offer that they just could not turn down. The truth is that an addict can always be honest about their addiction and get treatment for it, we are not a slave to our genetics and no one is so attractive that they warrant destroying a marriage over. People who give into temptation may have a boat load of excuses but the truth is that there is really only one reason why people cheat and that is because they are low life scum.

出軌的人一旦被發現，總會試圖找藉口。他們可能會說他們性成癮，或者他們自帶出軌基因，或者出軌對象實在太有吸引力，他們根本無法拒絕。但事實是，性癮者應該對自己的病症坦白並得到治療，我們也不是基因的奴隸，而有魅力的男男女女更不是生來就爲了插足婚姻的。最終出軌的人可能有一船子藉口但事實就是，出軌的原因只有一個，那就是他們都是渣男渣女。

Of course some people find that their partner's sex drive does not meet their needs – the solution is to talk about it together, only a low life would allow a spouse to think that there was nothing wrong. The same solution exists when a couple find themselves in an unhappy relationship. Rather than burying their heads in the sand (or in another person) a couple would be better off talking about why they are unhappy and whether or not that unhappiness can be remedied. Of course if the answer is that the unhappiness cannot be remedied then perhaps the couple should divorce but only a low life would cheat rather than talk! Even those who cheat by way of revenge are not immune from this characterization. Just because one person breaks a promise does not mean that the other party to that promise has the right to derogate from it. If you are cheated on the best revenge is to get out of the relationship and live your life happily and this day and age, when marriage is no longer seen as a societal pre-requisite to social standing and moral status it seems strange that people should still cheat. Women who find themselves pregnant no longer need to marry a man they do not love to save face and men who have a 'little accident' may have to support that accident for the rest of their lives but are not required to be shackled to the mother. If people enter a marriage that turns out to be unsuccessful divorce is both easy to get and no longer comes with a hefty dose of social stigma to season it. One would think, therefore, that marriage would be something that people take seriously and cherish. The opposite appears to be the case. In any single year of a relationship there is only a 6% chance that one of the couple will cheat but, over the course of a long term relationship this percentage compounds up as high as 1 in 4. There are even dating websites dedicated to making it easy for those in a committed relationship to find someone with whom to have an affair. This article has covered the main reasons why people might cheat. If you are worried that you, or your partner are at risk of cheating best thing you can do is to maintain the affection and intimacy in your relationship. Talk to each other, hold hands, kiss, express affection even when it does not (and will not) lead to sex, cherish each other and value honesty in your relationship above everything else.

當然，一些人發現兩人的性需求無法協調一致時--解決問題的辦法是交流討論，只有渣男/渣女會讓對方覺得一切都很好。同樣，當一對夫婦發現他們的婚姻不快樂時，他們也應該採取同樣的方法。把頭埋在沙子裏（或另一個人身上）並不能讓情況得到改善，夫妻們應該積極交流--爲什麼不快樂，是否可以進行修補。當然，如果這種不快樂沒有辦法解決，那也許應該離婚，而不是出軌！甚至那些因報復而出軌的人也不能倖免於渣男/渣女的範疇。只是因爲另一方打破了承諾，不代表被出軌的一方就有權利違背破壞承諾。如果你被出軌了，那最好的報復就是趕快分手，並好好過生活。如今的社會，婚姻不再是社會地位與道德狀況的條件之一，人們卻依舊出軌，這似乎並不合理。發現自己意外懷孕的女性不再需要嫁給自己不愛的男人來挽回聲譽，而發生了“小意外”的男性可能需要終生提供經濟支持，但他也不必一輩子就跟孩子的母親拴在一起。如果人們結了婚之後發現婚姻失敗，離婚也很容易，更不會像以前一樣成爲人生污點。因此，你有可能認爲，如今，婚姻應該是人們重視並珍惜的東西。但情況恰恰相反。就單獨一年來看，只有6%的機率一對夫妻中的任何一方會出軌，但從長期關係的角度，這種機率就會大幅上升，4對夫妻中就有1對會出軌。現在甚至有一些約會網站致力於幫助結了婚的人出軌。這篇文章討論了爲什麼人們出軌的主要原因。如果你擔心你，或者你的伴侶有可能出軌，最好的解決辦法就是努力維繫那種愛與親密感。與對方交流，牽手，親吻，表達愛意，即使這種表達並不（也不會）導致性行爲，珍惜彼此，還有就是，誠實是關係中最重要的品質。

翻譯：陸宵晨 來源：前十網