情感專家告訴你如何得知是否找到了“真命天子/女”
The millennial dating app scene could make a true cynic out of anyone, which is why the idea of finding your perfect match feels more nauseating the older (and more single) you feel. Here, we asked some big questions of sociologist Dr. Pepper Schwartz-AARP's resident sex and relationship expert and the author of 16 books on sex, relationships, and even love myths. She discusses the problematic idea of love at first sight, having unrealistic expectations of a partner, and how to maintain a good relationship with any human being you're currently dating, flaws and all (we're all ears).
千禧年的約會軟件能讓任何人看起來都玩世不恭，這也是人們越老（或單身越久）就覺得找到完美的另一半就越感到噁心的原因。社會學家Pepper Schwartz博士是AARP的常駐性情感專家，同時也出版了16本書籍。本文中，我們問了Pepper Schwartz博士一些有關性、情感甚至是愛情神話的重大問題。她也談及了一見鍾情、對伴侶有不切實際的期待等有爭議的問題以及如何與正在約會的對象保持良好的情感關係，愛我的一切吧（我們都在全神貫注的聽呢）。Marie Claire: What would you say to people who believe in love at first sight?
瑪麗•克萊爾：你想對那些相信一見鍾情的人說些什麼呢？
Dr. Pepper Schwartz: I'd say that it's often true that people are attracted to each other immediately, but it's just as true for those relationships to end up a disaster. But people don't think of that as false love-at-first-sight. They highlight the examples that worked rather than the ones that failed.
Pepper Schwartz博士：我想說，人們立馬就被彼此吸引是種正常現象，但這些人的感情最終以災難結尾收場同樣也很正常。但人們卻不會認爲這是一種錯誤的一見鍾情。他們會強調那些一見鍾情後在一起的情侶如何如何，而避而不談那些失敗的例子。
Ultimately, there are qualities people are drawn to: The way somebody's eyes sparkle, the way they dress. I think people who say "love at first sight" don't realise all the information they're taking in that they're not coding.
最終，很多人都被吸引了（認爲有一見鍾情）：某個人的眼睛在發光，他們的衣着方式等等。我認爲那些說着“一見鍾情”的人們並沒有意識到一見鍾情時所有隱含信息。The way a person's dress shows their social class. The way they look often shows their background. The way they stand shows their attitude. That information can amount to attraction, but it's not like there's a one-and-only, as if you saw them and everything was guaranteed thereafter.
一個人的衣着方式表明了他們的社會階級。他們的外表通常表明了他們的出身。他們的站姿表明了他們的態度。這些信息都能夠讓人產生好感，但並不代表他/她是唯一的，就好像你看到了他們，之後的任何事情都有了保障一樣。Your partner is just a human being. They can't fulfil it all.
你的伴侶也是人啊，他是不可能滿足你的一切幻想的。MC: Can you expound on that idea of there not being one perfect match for everyone?
瑪麗•克萊爾：你能不能解釋一下這個觀點，那就是並不是所有的人都能遇到自己的王子或公主嗎？PS: Well, look at all the people who get divorced. Some of them experienced "love at first sight." But there is not just one perfect person. With justification you can say "my prince" or "my queen" and "I found her right away," but those people were just dumb lucky. You can feel like something is real and your partner is "the one" and then all the other details come out, and things change.
Pepper Schwartz博士：額，看看那些離婚了的夫妻吧。有些人就有過“一見鍾情”。但他/她就不是命中註定的那個人。如果理由充分的話，你可以說“我的王子”或“我的公主”以及“我一眼就找到她/他了，”但這些人只是運氣好罷了。你可以感受到有些事情是真實的，你的伴侶就是“命中註定的”，然後你又會注意到其它的細節，事情就發生了改變。
