你已經分過一次手了,如何才能知曉這段感情是否合適?大綱

The rise of the on-again, off-again relationship

一次次分分合合的戀情

According to couples researcher Rene Dailey, PhD, an associate professor of communication at the University of Texas, Austin, approximately "65% of individuals have experienced an on-off relationship at some point in their dating history, and 30% to 45% of individuals report their current or most recent relationship has had an on-off nature," she says. One study published in 2013 showed almost half of young people aged 17 to 24 were breaking up and reconciling with exes.

德克薩斯大學奧斯汀分校的傳播學副教授、夫妻研究員Rene Dailey博士表示，大約"65%的人都談過分分合合的戀愛，30%至45%的人稱當前的戀情或最近的一次戀情都有這種性質，"她說道。2013年發表的一項研究表明，17至24歲的年輕人當中，一半的人都會分手，而後與前任和好。

A 2017 study showed that roughly half of daters feel extremely ambivalent about their breakups, knowing that there were reasons to stay and reasons to leave. As one of my interviewees put it: "I can usually tell if someone's wrong for me, but I can't really tell if she's right."

2017年的一項研究表明：有對象的人中，一半左右的人對分手極爲矛盾，他們覺得既有分手的理由，也有不分手的理由。我的一位受訪者如是說："如果這個人不適合我，我通常都能判斷出來，但我卻難以確定他/她是否適合我。"

"I know that in the past I've hurt people and said things that I didn't mean to make them happy in the moment," he said. "So now I'm just more so looking at the future, making sure I'm not damaging them. What if Hailey ends up being the girl I'm gonna marry, right? If I rush into anything, if I damage her, then it's always gonna be damaged. It's really hard to fix wounds like that. It's so hard.… I just don't want to hurt her."

"我知道，以前我也傷過別人，也會說一些違背本意的話，只是爲了讓當時的他們開心，"他說道。"現在，我更加關注未來的發展，確保自己不會搞破壞。萬一海麗就是我最後要娶的人呢，對不？如果急於求成，我會對她造成傷害，這段感情也會受到影響。類似的傷痕真的難以彌補。太難了……我真的不想傷害她。"

Why more couples are breaking making up

爲什麼越來越多的夫妻會分手……然後又複合

There are many reasons for the on-off phenomenon in this day and age. The age of first marriage is higher than ever (29.5 years for men, 27.4 years for women in 2017). That allows for more opportunities to date around and break up. The abundance of romantic options plays a role too, according to Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, an associate professor of psychology at St. Francis College in New York City. "Psychologist Barry Schwartz explained the 'paradox of choice,' which is the idea that as we are afforded more choice, it can lead to higher levels of anxiety," she explains.

當今年代，有很多原因可以解釋分分合合的現象。人們結婚（第一次結婚）的年紀比以往任何時候都要大（2017年的數據爲男性29.5歲，女性27.4歲）。所以人們約會、分手的機會就會更多。紐約市聖弗朗西斯學院的心理學副教授瑪麗莎T.科恩（Marisa T. Cohen）博士表示，多樣的浪漫選擇性也起着一定的作用。"心理學家巴里·施瓦茨（Barry Schwartz）解釋了'選擇悖論'，也就是更多的選擇或導致更高的焦慮水平。"