我的朋友那麼多 爲什麼知心的卻沒幾個大綱

Through high school and college, I had a close-knit group of friends. I was rarely alone.

高中和大學階段，我有不少親密的朋友，我很少獨自一人。

In college, I felt close to many but often sought a deeper Friendship with my roommate, or the friend whose life, at the given semester, most intertwined with mine.

大學的時候，我覺得和很多人都很親近，但我會會去和我的室友或者在某個學期中跟我有許多生活交集的人建立更深的友誼。

But this year, lacking a “person” meant something different. My apartment, strung with Christmas lights and candles, shared with a lovely woman I met online, suddenly felt cold and isolating.

但這一年，缺個“人”的意味就有所不同了。我和我網上認識的可愛女子合住，而這個掛滿了聖誕彩燈和蠟燭的公寓突然之間滿是寂寥和冷冰。

Friends lived mere subway stops away, dispersed between neighborhoods. I’d see them every few weeks, enjoying the intimacy of reunion. But in the quiet moments, the rides from work, I became fixated on what I lacked.

我的朋友們就住在幾站地鐵之外，散佈在不同的街區。我每隔幾周就會和他們見面，享受親密的重聚。但在安靜的時候，以及下班回家的路上，我就會關注到我所缺失的東西。

My closest platonic friendships do not necessarily require physical proximity, intimacy or daily communication to keep us close. This unconditionality makes the way I share and confide in my closest friends different from my friendship with my boyfriend.

我最親密的柏拉圖式友誼並不需要兩人離得很近、也不需要每日交流來保持親近的關係。我和最親密的朋友間這種無條件的分享和互訴衷腸有別於我和男友的關係。

In the past three months, I faced two emergency surgeries. Both ejected me from the city and placed me on bed rest, immobile and isolated, for weeks.

過去的三個月裏，我面臨了兩次緊急手術，每次都連續幾個禮拜讓我遠離城市、臥牀休息，動彈不得還與世隔絕。

Convinced I needed a “person,” I became irrational. I lost sight of my people. Yet they had not lost sight of me. Friendship, I learned, is an investment and a privilege but friendship can’t be quantified.

我確信我需要個“人”，我變得不可理喻，忽視了我的朋友們。然而， 他們並沒有忽視我。我慢慢懂得，友誼是經營、是特權，但不能量化。

Like all relationships, friendships are about mutual exchange: Sharing parts of yourself, be it humor, memories, adventures, love or support, and receiving parts of others.

和所有關係一樣，友誼也是一種利益交換：分享你自己，無論幽默還是回憶、冒險歷程還是愛與支持，然後對方會向你分享他自己。

What shined through after my surgery wasn’t just love but the power of many individual bonds.

手術後，那些讓我覺得美好的東西不僅僅是愛，還有羈絆的力量。

One best friend was not by my side, but with each check-in came reminders of the parts of my heart that others carry, and the unique parts of them that I cherish.

有一位我最好的朋友並不在我身邊，不過朋友們每次來看望的時候都讓我意識到他們心裏有我，也讓我意識到我的心中有他們。