雖然懷孕的是我老婆不是我,但她懷的可是我們倆的孩子啊

Watching one's beloved go through pregnancy can be a bizarre and bewildering experience. It is also one that I assumed might be easy for me because we are the same sex.

看着自己的摯愛懷胎十月可能是一種神奇而又令人彷徨的經歷。但由於我和伴侶都是女性，因此我以爲這件事對我來說可能不難。

From the day we met, almost nine years ago, Bella was adamant that she wanted a child - and that she wanted to carry it. She loved the idea of pregnancy with the same vehemence with which I hated it. I wasn't convinced about having children. Finally, though, after seven years together, when I was 33, I felt ready. We began searching for a sperm donor.

從我們相識的那天起，大約9年前，貝拉就堅持要個孩子--而且希望由她來生。她特別喜歡懷孕這個想法，而我恰恰相反，我討厭這一念頭。因爲我還不確定要不要孩子。然而，相戀7年後，當時我33歲，我終於覺得是時候了。我們開始尋找精子捐獻者。

Although our journey towards a child has thus far been relatively short in comparison to that of many couples (heterosexual or otherwise), it has not been easy. First, there were the difficult conversations with certain family members, next the "matchmaking" websites, followed by awkward phone interviews with prospective donors, and then several artificial inseminations. We were disappointed when not just our first but also our second donor moved abroad. Luckily, we found a generous-spirited, rational man whom we liked and trusted very much to be our third and final donor. Within five months, Bella was pregnant.

雖然相比其他夫婦（異性戀夫婦或其它），到目前爲止，我們要孩子的過程相對較短，但卻也不是件易事。首先，要與某些家庭成員進行困難的溝通，然後搜索"配對"網站，之後打電話給潛在捐獻者，問一些尷尬的問題，最後就是經歷幾次人工受精。當第一位精子捐獻者移居國外後，第二位居然也出現了同樣的情況，我們別提有多傷心了。但幸運的是，我們找到了一位有非凡肚量且十分理智的男性，我們十分喜歡、信任他，而他成爲了我們第三位也是最終精子捐獻者。五個月內，貝拉懷孕了。

Sadly, however, she miscarried at 10 weeks, last June. It was a traumatic experience that has marked her deeply, the true extent of which neither of us could have predicted. Yet we were keen to try again, and three months later she fell pregnant for the second time.

然而，不幸的是，她在第十週（也就是去年六月）的時候流產了。這讓她深受打擊，一度心情低落，這種情況是我們誰都沒有預料到的。但我們又振作起來重新嘗試，三個月後，她第二次懷上了。

This time things were different - not only did the baby "stick", but for Bella the first trimester was full of extreme sickness, lethargy and anxiety. The other major difference was that I began to experience all sorts of unexpected emotions: fear, confusion and a sense of being completely set apart from my wife and the baby growing inside her. I was filled with overwhelming self-doubt and a strong desire to run away from everything that spelled out parent.

這一次的情況有所不同--不僅寶寶"堅守"在貝拉的肚中，而且貝拉在頭三個月裏極度噁心、嗜睡和焦慮。另一個重大的變化就是我開始體驗到各種各樣意想不到的情緒：害怕、困惑以及有種遠離了妻子和她肚中寶寶的感覺。我總是自我懷疑，強烈的希望擺脫一切拼有父母字樣的東西。

So much for my lofty ideas about the myriad ways in which I might be more attuned to my partner during the pregnancy, and more invested in our baby, than any man could be.

我有很多的崇高想法（比任何男人都多）：懷孕期間，我該如何以各種各樣的方式適應另一半以及如何給寶寶更多的愛等等。