我的婚姻失敗並不都是老公的錯

Editor's note: The opinions in this article are the author's, as published by our content partner, and do not represent the views of MSN or Microsoft.

編者注：本文的觀點僅代表作者本人（由我們的合作伙伴發表），並不代表MSN或Microsoft的想法。

After 12 years together, my previously happy marriage was in the doldrums. It wasn't that I had fallen out of love. It was just that well… it had been 12 years. There's a malaise that sets in to anything you do for a long time. And it's easy for that spark that was once there to fade. And the truth is some of the things about my husband that I had either ignored or considered charming quirks, became qualities in him I wished would change.

在一起12年後，我原先的幸福婚姻已陷入低谷。而這並不是因爲我失戀了。只是因爲……畢竟已經12年了。任何事情做得久了都會讓人有莫名的不安感。因此曾經的激情很容易褪卻。事實是，丈夫身上那些我曾經忽視的或認爲迷人的怪癖都變成我希望他能夠改變的品質。

His domestic abilities, for example. When we met I didn't mind that he'd stop halfway through washing the dishes or just not noticing more needed to be done. I ignored the fact that he never did laundry and even celebrated the fact. After all, if he didn't do laundry, he couldn't ruin it. And, I accepted the fact that he couldn't function without a full night of sleep.

比如，他的家務能力。我們剛認識的時候，我並不介意他洗碗洗到一半停下來，也不介意他沒有注意到還有家務活要做。我忽略了他從來不洗衣服的事實、甚至爲此感到高興。畢竟，如果他不洗衣服，衣服就不會被洗壞。我也接受他晚上睡不好覺就沒有精力的事實。

It never mattered before we had kids, but kids like to do a thing called wake you up all night. His need for quality sleep meant I was on duty all night all the time. As a wife and mom, those little things that I never minded before in my husband began to be things I held against him.

在有孩子之前，這些都不是問題，但孩子特別喜歡讓你整晚都睡不着。他需要優質睡眠就意味着我需要整晚看着孩子。作爲妻子和母親，我從來都不介意這些小事，直到丈夫開始做一些我特別不認同的事情。

And so I started to resent him. I resented his need for sleep and got annoyed, even angry, when he seemingly half-*ssed his way through helping around the house. I needed sleep too, but someone had to help that crying baby. And it's not like I wanted to do dishes or laundry any more than he did. Him leaving it felt like he was leaving it for me. After all, who else was he thinking was doing all that stuff he didn't want to?

所以我開是憎惡他。我討厭他需要優質睡眠、當他做家務半途而廢時，我會惱火甚至生氣。我也需要睡眠啊，但寶寶哭了也得有人哄啊。而且，我和他一樣也不想洗碗、洗衣服啊。他不做這些事就好像是爲我而留一樣。畢竟，誰還會做這些他不想做的事情呢？

That's when the spark started to wane-when I was knee-deep in laundry and he was sitting on the couch watching a show. When I was tired to the point of my eyes feeling like they were bleeding and he couldn't function without a full eight hours.

自那時起，我們之間的激情就消退了--當我跪着洗衣服而他卻坐在沙發上看電視時。當我累到眼睛像在流血而他卻不睡滿8個小時就無精打采時。

The truth is, I wasn't just resentful. I was pissed off.

事實是，我不僅恨、還很生氣！