爲何不該以離婚爲恥?大綱

As a child of divorce, I grew up wanting a different life. I swore I would never have a family and put them through that mess. I would do whatever it took to stay with my spouse for my children.

我父母離婚了，所以我從小就渴望不一樣的生活。我發誓：我決不會讓我的家人經歷這種困境。我會爲了孩子儘可能的不離婚。

One day, when I was running errands with my kids during a particularly horrible rough patch with my husband, I was deep in thought about how to fix our situation. Then I saw mutual friends of ours, who were going through a divorce, were in a gas station parking lot, trading off their kids. Their pain was palpable. After witnessing the way they looked at each other, I thought, that can never be us. I wouldn't be able to bear it.

有段時間我和丈夫特別不合，有一天我正和孩子跑腿買東西，當時的我還在認真思考該如何化解我們的困境。然後，我看到了我倆共同的朋友（他們正在辦離婚手續）站在加油站停車場上，互相交換孩子。顯而易見，他們是痛苦的。見證他們互看彼此的情景之後，我想，我和愛人永遠都不會發生這種情況。我肯定無法忍受這種痛苦。

We dug in our heels for another six years. We tried and tried and ultimately failed to repair our marriage. My ex and I found being together more unbearable than trying to stay under one roof for the kids.

我們又這樣過了6年。不斷地嘗試之後，我們失敗了，最終還是無法修補我們的婚姻。我和前夫都發現：我們在一起比我倆爲了孩子而呆在同一屋檐下更令人難以忍受。

When we first talked about separating a year ago, the room felt heavy with guilt, regret and shame. If I am being honest, I still have lots of guilt, even a little regret. But I had to let go of the shame. I needed to stop taking other people's advice: "Try this counselor," "Take a vacation together" or "We went through tough times, too. You'll get over it." It felt like a form of shaming. Maybe it wasn't ...

一年前，當我們第一次談及分居之時，整個房間都充斥着內疚、後悔和羞恥。說實話，現在我還是很內疚，甚至有點後悔，但我已經不感到羞恥了。我不能再接受他人的建議："去看看這位顧問吧，""一起出去旅遊吧"或是"我們也經歷過困難時刻，你們能夠克服的！"就好像這是一件很羞恥的事情。但或許這件事本不羞恥呢？

Through the process, I realized everyone's relationships were different. I haven't told anyone every single detail as to why my marriage was falling apart simply because I didn't want to. And that is OK. I don't owe that to anyone.

在這個過程中，我意識到每個人的感情情況都是不同的。我還未將我們婚姻失敗的細節告訴其他人，只是因爲我不想這麼做。這沒關係啊，我又不欠任何人離婚的理由。

As a writer, I have been very open about my divorce, although I initially didn't think I would be this way. I figured I would only tell a handful of people and try to keep it quiet as best I could because I was ashamed. I changed my mind one evening after walking through my ex's new condo. While I was trying to get used to my new normal, I felt the need to reach out to other women who had been through the same things I was going through.

作爲一名作家，我對於離婚一事十分開放，儘管我一開始並沒有想到這一結局。我覺得我可能只會告訴一小部分人並儘可能的不讓其他人知道，因爲離婚令我蒙羞。某天晚上，走到前夫新公寓時，我改變了主意。在我試圖適應新常態的時候，我覺得有必要接觸那些和我有着類似經歷的女性。