職場雷區——辦公室戀情

The news on Wednesday that Google cofounder Sergey Brin had become involved with a Google employee and had split with his wife of six years, Anne Wojcicki, highlights the fallout that can result from an office romance.

週三傳出新聞，谷歌公司創始人謝爾蓋-布林與該公司的一名員工發生了婚外戀，並已與結婚六年的妻子安妮-沃西基分居。該新聞突顯了一場辦公室戀情可能帶來的種種後果。

A spokesman for Brin and Wojcicki told Forbes that the two have been living apart for several months but “remain good friends and partners.” All Things D also reported that, according to sources, they have a prenuptial agreement and that their split and potential divorce would have no impact on Google.

布林和沃西基的一位發言人告訴福布斯：兩人已經分居數月但“仍然保持着良好的朋友和夥伴關係”。科技博客All Things D還報道稱，據消息人士透露，他們簽有一份婚前協議，兩人分居甚或是今後可能的離婚都不會給谷歌帶來任何影響。

It could be that everything works out fine for Brin, Wojcicki and Brin’s new romantic partner. But lawyers and career coaches say that getting involved with a colleague or boss can turn into a minefield of problems.

對於布林、沃西基和布林的新歡而言，這一切可能都沒什麼大不了的。但律師們和職業教練們表示，與同事或老闆發生愛戀可能會陷入危機四伏的境地。

Nevertheless, Brin is among a growing number of people who find their love interests at work. According to a 2013 survey by the job search website , 39% of workers say they’ve dated a colleague at some point in their careers.

不過，越來越多的人在工作中找到了意中人，布林只是其中的一個。根據求職網站CareerBuilder所做的一份2013年調查，39%的工作者稱曾與同事約會過。

Nearly a third say they married the person they dated at work. Another career website, , found that 59% of respondents had dated a colleague at least once during their career.

近三分之一的人表示，他們與辦公室戀人結了婚。另一個職業網站Vault發現，59%的受訪者至少與同事約會過一次。

The office is a hotbed of romance–and a more effective one than dating websites or the corner bar. Helaine Olen, coauthor with Stephanie Losee of Office Mate: The Employee Handbook for Finding–and Managing–Romance on the Job, says the workplace is where most people find love these days. “The office has turned into the village of the 21st century,” she says. “Where else do you spend 12 hours a day?”

辦公室是戀情的滋生地，比約會網站或酒吧的孤身角落都更富有成效。與史蒂芬妮-盧西合著《辦公室戀情之員工法則》的赫萊茵-奧倫說道，如今大多數人在工作場合找到愛情。“在21世紀，辦公室已經變成了一個小村子，”她說，“還有什麼地方你會一天待上12個小時？”

And fewer workers are keeping their romances secret. CareerBuilder found that 65% of workers who had office relationships were public about them, compared with 46% seven years ago. The survey of 4,200 workers was conducted for CareerBuilder by Harris Interactive.

越來越少的工作者對戀情進行保密。CareerBuilder網站發現，65%有辦公室戀情的人選擇了公開，相比之下七年前這個比例僅爲46%。這份採訪了4,200名工作者的調查結果是哈里斯互動公司爲CareerBuilder網站而做的。

While people are more relaxed about office dating than they were in the 1990s, and Brin and his new love interest may live happily ever after, in many cases, boss-employee relationships end badly. Brin’s relationship raises one of the most obvious issues: the breakup of a marriage.

儘管與90年代相比現在人們對待辦公室戀情不再那麼神經緊張，而且布林和他的新歡可能從此幸福地生活在一起，但在很多情況下，老闆和員工之間的戀情會慘淡收場。布林的戀情提出了一個再明顯不過的問題：婚姻破裂。

But another perilous scenario, says employment lawyer Kathleen McKenna of New York’s Proskauer law firm is a sexual harassment suit brought by the underling. Such suits are based on either a claim of a hostile work environment or a charge that there was f-me-or-you’re-fired quid pro quo harassment.

但紐約普洛思律師事務所的勞動法律師凱薩琳-麥凱納稱，還有一種更危險的情況：由下級提起的性騷擾指控。這樣的案件往往指控老闆給自己小鞋兒穿，或者威脅如若不從就會被炒魷魚。

Given that office romance seems to be inevitable, I asked McKenna and another lawyer, plus a career coach, a sociologist and a wise Forbes contributor, for rules that can help ensure that an office romance turns out well.

考慮到辦公室戀情似乎不可避免，我曾向麥凱納和另一名律師，外加一名職業教練、一位社會學家以及一位睿智的福布斯撰稿人請教，有沒有什麼規則能爲辦公室戀情保駕護航。

No. 1: Avoid a supervisor-supervisee relationship.

首先是避免在上下級之間發展戀情。

Especially for the person in the supervisor’s seat, such a relationship is “criminally stupid,” says McKenna. “You might as well put a sign on your forehead that says, ‘Kick me here.’” McKenna acts mainly as a defense lawyer. In Brin’s case it’s not clear he broke this rule, given that he’s outside the company and doesn’t officially supervise his new romantic partner.

尤其對處在上級位置上的那個人來說，這樣的關係“非常愚蠢可能招惹上官司”，麥凱納說道。她說，“這無異於在腦門上貼了一個標誌，上面寫着‘朝這兒踢’。”麥凱納主要做被告方的辯護律師。就布林的情況而言，考慮到他不在公司內部，在職務上沒有與新戀人形成上下級關係，因此尚不清楚他是否違反了該規則。

Still Edward Hernstadt, a plaintiff-side employment lawyer in New York, agrees with McKenna. An employee can make a claim that she (it’s usually a she) wouldn’t have dated the boss if she hadn’t felt compelled. “The supervisor will say, ‘I just asked you to go on a date,’” says Hernstadt. “But the subordinate will say, ‘I felt I couldn’t say no.’”

然而，紐約原告方勞動法律師愛德華•赫恩斯塔德同意麥凱納的看法。員工可能會聲稱如果不是感覺受到了脅迫，她（通常是女性）是不會與老闆約會的。赫恩斯塔德說，“她的上級會說，‘我只是問你是否願意與我約會。’但當事人會說，‘我感到不能夠說不’。”

If a supervisor and a subordinate just can’t resist each other, McKenna recommends that they sign what she calls a “cupid contract.”

如果上下級之間彼此吸引且不能自拔，麥凱納就建議雙方簽署一份“丘比特合約”。

They should spell out in writing the fact that both are engaging in a consensual relationship. If the company has a sexual harassment policy, they should make it clear they understand the rules.

他們應當白紙黑字地寫清楚：彼此兩情相悅。如果公司有關於性騷擾的制度，他們還應當寫明自己知曉這些規則。

Helaine Olen agrees. “Set some ground rules you can use if the relationship flames out,” she advises. “It’s like a prenup for an office romance.”

赫萊茵-奧倫也認同這一點。她建議，“訂立一些基本規則，一旦關係惡化可以用到。對辦公室戀情來說這就像婚前協議一樣。”

Olen also suggests that the senior partner in the relationship step up and report the romance to the human resources department. In so doing the supervisor should volunteer to take the hit if the company decides the pair should no longer work together.

奧倫還建議，上下級戀情中作爲上級的一方應當主動站出來，向人力資源部門報備。在這樣做的過程中，如果公司認爲兩人不應再一同工作，上級的一方應該主動提出離開。

It’s far preferable to find someone outside your department to date. Connie Thanasoulis-Cerrachio, a career coach who has worked with companies including Merrill Lynch, Pfizer and Citigroup, recommends looking for love at office philanthropic activities and social events like softball games rather than in the neighboring cubicle.

在自己部門以外的地方尋找心儀對象就可取得多了。曾經與美林證券、輝瑞製藥和花旗銀行合作的職業教練康妮-薩納索利斯·切拉基奧建議在公司的慈善活動以及像壘球遊戲等社交活動中尋找愛情，而不是盯着身邊的同事。

Another piece of perhaps obvious but valuable advice: Pause before you plunge.

另一個顯而易見但非常寶貴的忠告是：在一頭扎進去之前請三思。

“Stop and think about yourself in relation to the other person,” advises Pepper Schwartz, a professor of sociology at the University of Washington and the author of 16 books on dating and romance.

“停下來想想自己和對方的關係。”華盛頓大學社會學教授佩珀-施瓦茨建議道，她著有16本婚戀作品。

“If you’re in heavy lust, you’ve got to slow down.” McKenna agrees. “Think about the fact that 50% of marriages don’t make it,” she says. “The batting average for other relationships is much worse.”

“如果你用情很深，你就不得不放慢節奏。”麥凱納表示認同。“想想50%的婚姻都不能走到最後，”她說，“其他關係的平均成功率就更低了。”

One more piece of advice: Consider how you would feel if you lost your job.

還有一條建議：想想如果失去工作，你的感受會是如何。

Everyone who has experienced heartbreak knows that proximity to an ex can be unbearable. All too often, say experts, failed office romances result in one person leaving the job–willfully or not.

任何經歷過分手的時候人都知道，與前任戀人擡頭不見低頭見是多麼難以忍受的一件事。專家們稱，辦公室戀情告吹常常會導致一個人離開公司，無論是否出於本意。

“The possible consequences here are not just the loss of the person you’re gaga over,” says Schwartz. “It could mean the loss of your livelihood.” Brin obviously doesn’t run that risk and it seems his new romantic partner will also be safe, given that she doesn’t report directly to him. But for the rest of us, it’s wise to keep in mind the potential fallout from an office liaison.“

這裏可能出現的結果是，你失去的不僅僅是讓你爲之傾倒的那個人，”施瓦茨說道，“可能還有你的生計。”顯然，布林不用冒這個風險，而且考慮到他的新戀人不必直接向他彙報工作，貌似她也比較安全。但是對我們其他人來說，牢牢記住辦公室戀情對事業的潛在影響不失爲明智之舉。