跟老外的神回覆比起來，我的童年弱爆了！

你小時候做過哪些讓爸媽不想認你這個孩子的蠢事？提起這個，大概每個人腦子裏都會浮現出那麼一兩件，自己覺得是黑歷史的事情吧……英語君也曾經覺得自己小時候蔫壞的不行呢，黑歷史可以寫成一本書，直到看到這篇reddit上的問答帖，才覺得自己的童年真是不值一提－What was the dumbest thing you did as a kid? 要是有個全球熊孩子大排名，估計下面這幾位都能上榜了……

1.我這一針催產劑，怕是沒人能比了

When I was 3 or 4 I managed to stick a pair of rubber gloves in the toaster oven and turned it on to see what would happen. I nearly burned our kitchen down but my pregnant mother waddled into the kitchen and promptly chucked the flaming toaster oven into the backyard. The stress from this whole ordeal sent my mom into labor later that evening. A few hours later and my sister was born.

在我大概三四歲的時候，我曾經把一副橡膠手套塞進吐司機裏，然後啓動了它，想看看這麼玩會發生什麼。於是我幾乎把整個廚房都燒掉了，我還在孕期的媽媽邁着大步衝進廚房，以迅雷不及掩耳之勢把還在閃着火光的吐司機甩到了後院裏。整個事情給我媽的壓力，直接在當晚送她進了產房。幾個小時後，我妹妹就這麼出生了。

Tips：

1）burn down 燒盡，燃盡，燒燬

2）waddle這個詞是踱步，像鴨子一樣邁着大步的意思。在這裏形容氣急敗壞的孕婦媽媽也是很有畫面感吶

3）ordeal有折磨，苦難經歷的意思。說某事是ordeal，那它一定讓人經歷了不可描述的痛苦

2.我玩嗨了連我自己都不放過

I was around 11, playing some kind of game in which my friends had captured me and put me in jail under the stairwell. I soon got bored and decided it would be more realistic if I was chained up to the coat rack. By my neck. With a scarf. Long story short, my friends returned to find me turning blue in the face with essentially a noose around my neck. I was so grounded.

我當時大概11歲，在跟我的朋友們玩一個遊戲－我扮成囚犯被他們抓住，然後被囚禁在樓梯下的小黑屋裏。我很快就被關的無聊了，於是一時興起決定玩的更真實一點－把自己掛在大衣架上，用圍巾，掛住脖子。長話短說，我的朋友們回來後發現我頭上套着套索，臉已經憋青了。我這下可真是被禁足了。

英語君想知道這位險些爲藝術獻身的壯士，現在還敢戴圍巾嗎？

Tips：

1）long story short就是我們常說的長話短說。功能類似於常用的anyways, nevertheless這些詞。

2）be grounded意思是被禁足，不允許出門玩耍。在美國很多家庭都會有禁足這種說法。孩子如果做了“壞事”，最經典的懲罰措施就是禁足了。例如：

I was grounded for a month because I sneakily drove my dad’s car out and somehow he found out.

我偷偷開着老爸的車出門了，他不知怎麼的竟然發現了，我因此被禁足了一個月。

3.我對大紅腸的愛，你不要說你不感動

I got bologna stuck up my nose. My mom had to use a syringe full of water to flush it out.

我鼻子裏塞了紅腸，我媽媽用盛滿了水的注射器才把它衝出來。

路人甲回覆：

How?

怎麼會塞到鼻子裏？

層主：

I loved bologna so much that for whatever reason I decided it belonged up to my nose.

我實在是太愛大紅腸了，於是，不知道爲啥，我就覺得他應該跟塞在我鼻子裏。

路人甲：

Fair enough.

行吧，這很說得通。

英語君想不通啦……

Tip: fair enough這個短語是指同意對方的觀點，不過並沒有完完全全信服。所以除了用來表達讓步，也常常用來作諷刺，幽默的用法。例如：

Oh you think Kelso did that awesome thing? Fair enough, ‘cuz monkey could do that, right?

哦你覺得這麼了不起的事是Kelso乾的？嗯很有道理，畢竟猴子都能幹得了這事，不是嗎？

4.親媽都是這樣玩孩子的

I found these cylindrical sponges in my barn, stuffed them up my shirt and ran into the house to show my mom. She practically died laughing and had me show her friend. The friend proceeded to laugh until she cried, and has called me “Spongeboobs” ever since.

我在我家穀倉裏找到一些圓柱形的海綿，然後把它們塞進了衣服裏，跑到我媽媽面前給她展示。她是真的笑的快要死過去了，然後拉着我去給她一個朋友展示。她朋友笑到流淚，從此以後我就一直她叫做“海饅寶寶”了。

Tips：

1）這段用了兩個很巧妙形容大笑的說法。一個是died laughing，感覺跟我們常說的笑die很相近哦。另一個是laugh until she cried，笑哭。都非常有畫面感。

2）這裏用了海綿寶寶的梗。因爲海綿寶寶是Spongebob，這位阿姨難道就是傳說中修煉千年的污婆……

5.沒有一點點防備，我差點成了軍火製造商？

I was really into chemistry. A friend asked me to make a pipe bomb for him. I did it without asking him why or what he was going to do with it. He blew up a neighbor’s house. It blew the front door through the dinning room wall. The screen door was across the street. The porch collapsed. Most of the windows broke.

我小時候真的非常喜歡化學。一個朋友叫我給他做一個雷管，我沒問他爲啥要雷管，也沒問他要拿雷管幹啥，就這麼給他做了一個。於是他後來炸飛了一個鄰居的房子。從前門到餐廳的牆都炸飛了，紗門飛到了馬路對面去，門廊也塌了，差不多所有窗戶都破了。

路人甲：

Um…Hey bro can I have a pipe bomb for…um science

呃，嘿哥們兒，可以幫我做個雷管嗎，我……科學課要用的。

朋友，別惹愛科學的孩子，以及他們的朋友

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