A Beggar 一個乞丐

      At a street corner squats a beggar. He is always there, under the tree, in the shade. Senile as he is, he crouches in some ragged pieces of cloth. He is there, always there, like a sculpture in the street.  Day after day, thousands of people pass in front of him hurriedly.  Some spare coins, most give a quick glance in disgust.  However, it shocks me very much. What a miserable life a human being can bear!
      At the first sight, you will be appalled that God has created such an emaciated creature.  His dark face is full of wrinkles, deep or shallow. They remind people of the hardship the beggar has experienced.  His cheeks are bony while his neck is so thin. His hair is bedraggled like a nest, a nest with a coat of oil. What an impressive sculpture it is! Most of the time, his mouth speaks while his eyes are half closed. But once a pedes trian passes by, he will keep nodding his head slightly and auto matically as if a gust of wind had forced him to do so. At the same time, he raises his gnarled right hand from the ground,murmuring to beg.  What a hand!  It is a seamy,  shriveled hand. The wrinkles in his skin are stretching, twisting and in tersecting. Dirt fills the grooves. In front of him lies an dilapidated bowl with only a few coins in it.  Believe it or not, it is more and more difficult to make a living by begging.  Beside him, there is a stick as slim as his legs as if the third leg of the poor old beggar.
     The sun is shining in the sky, but it doesn't shine every corner of the world. There are still people who are not bathed in the sunshine. The beggar is just one of them.

簡  評
    本文用生動的語言形象地刻畫了一位在路邊以乞討爲生的孤苦老人。作者非常注重細節的描寫，如乞討者佈滿皺紋、飽經風霜的臉，亂蓬蓬油膩的頭髮，半張半合的眼睛，粗糙的手，瘦弱的腿和脖子，他面前的破碗，破爛的衣服等。還包括乞討者的動作，如向行人點頭，伸手乞討等。此外，作者還描述了行人厭惡的神色，進一步渲染了乞討者艱難的處境，以喚起讀者的共鳴。
    美中不足的是作者對乞討者的描寫沒有遵循一定的順序。描寫文的寫作一般要按一定的空間順序組織，如：從上到下、從裏到外、從遠到近等，使文章顯得更有條理。此外，在描寫人物時，要抓住其最主要的特徵，避免面面俱到。
    本文在語言表達上的一大特色是詞彙豐富而準確。如bony(cheeks)，thin(neck)，bedraggled(hair)，gnarled(hand)，stretching，twisting，intersecting(wrinkles)，dilapidated(bowl)等。作者還恰如其分地運用了一些修辭手法，特別是比喻，如His hair is bedraggled like a nest，a nest with a coat Of oil；there is a stick as slim as his legs;he will keep nodding his head slightly and auto matically as if a gust of wind had forced it to do so.

(點評教師：黃鶯)