這些壞習慣會破壞你們的感情

Bad habits that affect you. relationship

這些壞習慣會破壞你們的感情

Trying to improve your partner

試圖提升另一半

First, let’s start with one of the worst bad habits for your relationship. “The idea that you can improve your partner puts you into a 'superior' role which skews the power balance in the relationship,” says Geoff Lamb, psychotherapist. “This isn't to say that it's not good for a relationship for partners to give each other feedback or say what you want from each other.”

首先，我們先聊聊談戀愛最糟糕的習慣之一。“提升另一半的想法會讓你覺得自己很有‘優越感’，從而破壞戀情的力量平衡，”心理治療師傑夫·蘭姆（Geoff Lamb）說道。“但這並不表示，一方不能給另一半意見；也不能表示一方不可以向另一方表達希望從對方身上獲得什麼。”

Bickering via text messages

發短信吵架

Having serious conversations via text message could lead to disconnect between couples, according to research from Brigham Young University. The study found that using text messages to apologize or work out problems had a negative impact on women’s relationship satisfaction. Don’t fall prey to these bad habits. The study also found that sending loving messages could enhance your relationship.

楊百翰大學的研究表明：發短信說一些重大問題可能導致情侶雙方脫軌。研究發現：短信道歉或通過短信解決問題會讓女性對戀情滿意度打負分。不要成爲這些壞習慣的犧牲品。研究還發現：發送浪漫的短信會讓你們的感情更好。

Failing to have date nights

沒有約會之夜

“I think it is crucial, especially in long-term relationships to prioritize intimacy in various ways, such as planning special dates to do fun things together, have romantic dates,” says Eva Weaver, sex coach, and somatic sex educator. “The attitude to think that sex needs to happen spontaneously can get in the way.”

“我認爲優先考慮親密關係很重要，對於長期戀情而言更爲如此，比如規劃特殊的約會，做一些有趣的事，規劃浪漫的約會等，”性教練、身體性教育者伊娃·韋弗（Eva Weaver）說道。“認爲性行爲應自然而然地發生而不應加以計劃或妨礙你們的感情。”

Posting about your partner online

在網上發關於另一半的帖子

Venting on social media can be dangerous for your relationship. “Your partner needs to feel safe with you in order to open up and connect,” explains Cate Mackenzie, psychosexual therapist and couples counsellor. “If you talk about your partner online without consent, then you could take away this secure way of attaching to each other and they may not wish to open up with you.”

在社交媒體上發泄可能不利於戀情發展。“和你在一起時，另一半如果有安全感，他/她纔會吐露心聲，和你交流，”心理治療師兼夫妻顧問凱特·麥肯奇（Cate Mackenzie）解釋道。“如果你未經另一半的同意，在網上發關於他/她的狀態，可能會導致雙方感情受到影響，他/她或許不願意和你坦誠。”

Planning a detailed future together

一起詳細地規劃未來

Is your future already mapped out? Perhaps it shouldn’t be. “Leave a little bit of space for mystery and wonder and don’t make your relationship all about mortgages, career, retirement, and funeral plans,” advises Stella Anna Sonnenbaum, sexologist. “If you need to be pragmatic, and love planning, how about organizing a surprise trip to an exciting destination together and make it soon?”

你們已經對未來做出規劃了嗎？也許你們不應該這麼做。“留點空間去向往吧，不要讓你們的感情以貸款、職業、退休和喪葬計劃爲中心，”性學家斯特拉·安娜·索南鮑姆（Stella Anna Sonnenbaum）建議道。“如果你講求實際，喜歡做規劃，那可以組織一次令人興奮的旅行，並於近期提上日程。”