聘禮壓垮新郎

"How much does a wife cost in your province?" This seemingly ridiculous question was part of the greeting for many people during the just concluded "Golden Week" National Day holiday. Incidentally, the National Day holiday is the peak season for weddings in China.

According to Chinese tradition, a groom usually pays a certain amount of money to the bride's family to fix a marriage. The practice is prevalent throughout the country. A recent Beijing News survey shows that 89.1 percent of the newly married couples abided by the tradition.

In most cases, the amount men (or their families) have to pay the women's families is too big for most to afford. According to media reports and micro-bloggers, the "price" of marrying varies from 60,000 yuan ($9,804) to 100,000 yuan in central and western regions; it could be more than 100,000 yuan in most coastal provinces. Compare this with the average annual salary of 46,769 yuan in public enterprises and 28,752 in private ones in China in 2012.

The endowment amount is even higher in certain developed regions. For example, in provinces like Guangdong, a would-be groom must gift a gold necklace, gold ring and gold bracelet apart from the endowment money to the would-be bride's family. In cities like Beijing and Shanghai, a man could also be expected to purchase an apartment before marriage, and even a tiny apartment costs more than 1 million yuan. Add to that the price of a car in some cases.

In some parts of eastern Shandong province, the endowment money is measured by weight. For instance, to marry a woman, one must pay her parents at least 1.5 kilograms of 100 yuan notes, which would add up to at least 131,000 yuan, according to some bankers.

Endowment may be part of Chinese tradition, but the standards have become so high in recent years that a majority of families are finding it difficult to meet them. Besides, many newly married couples are forced to host extravagant wedding ceremonies to keep up with the Joneses and, in the process, run up huge debts that could turn their married life sour, at least in the initial phase.

Rapidly rising living cost is the primary cause of rising endowment amounts. For most young people, marriage means setting up home independent of their parents, which has become increasingly difficult given the constantly rising prices of almost everything. Complicating young couples' problems is the deeply rooted tradition that a family needs its own home, which is becoming a mission impossible for many because of skyrocketing housing prices. No wonder, most newly (or to be) married couples turn to their parents for help.

The Beijing News survey shows that 75.7 percent of newly married women's families give the endowment amount, adding some from their own savings in many cases, to their daughters to help the new couple to fulfill their initial financial needs.

Many parents save every penny for their children's wedding, even though their own weddings were simple affairs with little involvement of money. And not surprisingly, their frugal wedding ceremonies didn't have any bearing on their married life.

In contrast, luxurious weddings are no insurance for a sound marriage. China's divorce rate has been rising for seven successive years. Worse, the percentage of divorced couples aged between 35 and 22 is increasing, and "lightning divorce", that is, within one year of marriage, is no longer rare.

Given the rapid rate of urbanization, more young people born in rural areas or small cities are living and getting married in big cities like Beijing and Shanghai, where wedding expenses have shot through the roof. The high endowment amounts often rob grooms' parents of their life's savings and causes family disputes. Just google "gift (endowment) money" and you will find all kinds of family disputes that it has caused.

When will the practice change? Nobody knows. Hopefully, with people's income rising and the gap between urban and rural areas narrowing, the burden will become bearable for more families.“在你的城市裏娶一個妻子需要下多少聘禮？”這個看似荒唐的問題，在剛剛過去的十一黃金週裏成爲了許多人日常問候的一部分。而國慶假期正好是中國的結婚季。

根據中國的傳統，通常新郎都需要給新娘家一筆錢作爲聘禮來定下婚禮。這一習慣在整個中國都很普遍。北京最近的一個新聞調查顯示，89.1%的新婚夫婦都遵守了這一傳統習俗。

大多數情況下，很多男人（或者男方家庭）都難以承受需要支付給女方家庭的聘金。根據媒體報道和微博互動，在中部和西部地區，結婚的“價格”大致爲6萬元（約合9804美元）到10萬元，在大多數沿海省份，有時會超過10萬元。相比而言，2012年中國國有企業個人平均年收入約爲46769元，私有企業個人平均年收入約爲28752元。

而在某些發達地區結婚聘金甚至更高。舉例來說，在廣東省，準新郎在聘金之外還需要給女方家裏送金項鍊、金戒指和金手鐲；在北京和上海，男方需要在結婚前買一套房子，但是在這些地方，一間小小的公寓都要過百萬元，有時甚至還要買一輛車。

在山東東部的一些地方，聘金是按錢的重量來給的。比如，男方至少需要給女方1.5公斤的百元大鈔，根據一些銀行的數據，這些錢至少是13.1萬。

聘金是中國傳統習俗的一部分，但是近幾年來其標準不斷上升，致使大多數家庭都很難達到。此外，許多新婚夫婦被迫舉行奢侈的婚禮宴會，在這個過程中，大量債務的累積可能使他們的新婚生活變得辛酸，至少在最初階段是這樣。

快速上漲的生活費用是聘金增加的主要原因。對於大多數年輕人來說，結婚意味着與父母分開，獨立組建家庭，然而物價的不斷上漲使這一切都變得越來越困難。有一個自己的家是中國根深蒂固的傳統，也導致了這些複雜的年輕夫婦的問題，而現在，飛漲的房價幾乎已經使這成爲一個不可能完成的任務了。也難怪，許多新婚或是已婚夫婦都轉而向父母求助。

北京新聞調查顯示，大約75.7%的新婚夫婦的女方父母會把聘金和一些自己的積蓄給他們的女兒以幫助這對新婚夫婦滿足最初的經濟需要。

許多父母爲了他們孩子的婚禮節省每一分錢，儘管他們自己的婚禮都是簡簡單單的，並沒有花費很多錢。毫無疑問，老一輩節儉的婚禮沒有給他們的婚後生活帶來任何負擔。

相反，奢侈的婚禮並不會給健全的婚姻帶來保障。事實上，中國離婚率已連續7年在上漲，更糟糕的是，年齡在35~22歲的夫婦在離婚比例中越來越多，並且“閃離”即結婚一年之內離婚的情況不再罕見。

高速城市化之下，更多出生在農村或小城市的年輕人選擇到北京、上海那樣的大城市生活、結婚，而這些地方的結婚費用高得驚人。高額的聘禮常常“搶劫”了新郎父母畢生的積蓄，甚至會引起家庭糾紛。只要百度一下“婚禮聘金”，你就會找到各種由禮金引發的家庭矛盾。

這樣的習俗什麼時候纔會改變？沒有人知道。希望隨着人們的收入增加，城鄉差距縮小，將有更多的家庭可以承受這樣的負擔。