冷笑話英文翻譯精選閱讀
幽默和笑話有概念上的區別,笑話是滑稽言談本身,幽默在這裏則被作爲心智和性情層面上的概念來看待。下面是本站小編帶來的冷笑話英文翻譯，歡迎閱讀!
面試 (中英)
There was this man who was in a horrible accident，and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both of his ears. As a result of this" unusual' handicap, he was very selfconscious about his having no ears.
有個人在一次意外中受了傷，他的兩隻耳朵也被切除了，這也是惟一一處這次意外造成的永久性傷害。由於這種特殊的殘疾，他對自己沒有耳朵這件事非常地敏感。
Because of the accident，he received alarge sum of money from the insurance company. lt was always his dream to own hisown business，so he decided with all this money he had，he now had the means to own a business. So he went out and purchased a small，but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all，so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business.
因爲這次意外事故，他從保險公司那裏得到了一大筆錢。他總想擁有自己的公司，這下他決定用自己所有的錢開一家自己的公司。於是他買了一家很有前途的小型電腦公司。可是他意識到他根本沒有做生意的學問，所以他決定僱一個人幫他管理生意。
He picked out three top candidates，and interviewed each of them.
他挑出三個候選人之後對他們每個人分別進行了面試。
The first interview went really well. He really liked this guy. His last question for this first candidate was "Do you notice anything unusual about me?"
第一個面試進行得很順利。他也很喜歡那個人。他給面試者提出的最後一個問題是:“你有沒有注意到我有什麼特別的地方。”
The guy said，"Now that you mention it，you have no ears.”The man got really upset and threw the guy out.
那個人說:“既然你問到了，你沒有耳朵。”他聽到這個之後很傷心，然後把那個
面試者趕了出去。
The second interview went even better than the first. This candidate was much better than the first. Again，to conclude the interview，the man asked the same question again，"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" The guy also noticed，`’Yes, you have no ears.”The man was really upset again，and threw this second candidate out.
第二個面試比第一個進行得還要順利。這個候選者要比第一個更優秀。他又一次以同樣的問題來結束面試:“你有沒有注意到我有什麼特別的地方?”那個面試者也注意到後說:“是的，你沒有耳朵。”他又一次的非常傷心，又把第二個面試者趕了出去。
Then he had the third interview. The third candidate was even better than the second，the best out of all of them. Almost certain that he wanted to hire this guy，the man once again asked，"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" The guy replied，"Yeah, you are wearing contact lenses.” Surprised，the man then asked, “Wow! That’s quite perceptive of you! How could you tell?" 'The guy answered，"Easy. You can’t wear eyeglasses. You don’t have any ears!”
這之後又進行了第三次面試。第三個面試者是三個人中最好的一個。當然，他也很想錄用這個人。他又一次的問起那個問題:“你有沒有注意到我有什麼特別的地方?”那個人回答:“是的，你帶着隱形眼鏡。”他驚奇的問:“哦!你真是太厲害了，你是怎麼知道的?”那個人回答:“太簡單了，你不能帶普通的眼鏡，因爲你根本沒有耳朵!”
冷笑話英文翻譯閱讀一隻襪子 (中英)
A young couple decided to wed. As the big clay approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.
一對年輕男女決定舉行婚禮當那個大喜的日子臨近的時候，他們變得有些憂慮。他們的問題從來沒有告訴過別人，甚至是對方。
The groom-to-he, overcoming hisfear, decided to ask his father for advice.
新郎抑制着他的恐懼，決定向他的爸爸徵求一下意見。
"Father,” he said，"1 am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage.”
“爸爸.”他說，“我真的對我能否有個美滿的婚姻有些擔心。”
His father replied，"Don’t you love this girl?"
他的爸爸問他:“你愛這個女孩嗎?”
"Oh yes，very much，” he said，"but you see，I have very smelly feet，and I’m afraid that my fiancee will be put off by them.”
“當然，我非常愛她，”他說，“但是你是知道的，我的腳很臭我怕我的未婚妻會因爲這個而離開我。”
"No problem，”said dad. gall you have to do is wash your feel as often as possible. and always wear socks，even to bed.” Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.
“沒問題，”他爸爸說，“你需要做的就是儘可能的經常洗腳，總要穿着襪子，即使是睡覺的時候。”對於他來說這似乎是個有用的辦法。
The bride-to-be，overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem u p wish her mom. “Mom，” she said，"when 1 wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful.”
新娘抑制着她的恐懼，決定向她的媽媽徵求一下意見。“媽，”她說，“當我每天早上起來的時候，我嘴裏的味道實在是太糟了。”
“Honey，” her mother consoled，"everyone has bad breath in the morning.”
“親愛的，”她媽媽安慰她說，“每個人早起的時候嘴裏都有味道的。”
"No, you don’t understand. My morning breath is so bad, I' m afraid that my fiance will not want to sleep in the same room with me.”
“不是，你不明白。我早上的口氣實在是太難聞了我怕我的未婚夫會因爲這個不和我睡在同一間房裏。”
Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed，and head for the kitchen and make breakfast. While the family is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you’ve brushed your teeth.”
她的媽媽簡單地說道:“試試這個辦法吧。早上，起牀後直接就到廚房去做些早飯。當他吃早飯的時候你就去洗手間刷牙。關鍵就是在你刷牙之前一個字都不能說。”
"I shouldn’t say good morning or anything`?" the daughter asked.
“我連早上好之類的話都不能說嗎?”女兒問道。
"Not a word，”her mother affirmed.
“一個字也不成，”她媽媽強調到。
"Well，it' s certainly worth a try,”she thought.
她想:“這個辦法倒是值得一試。”
The loving couple was finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received，he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence，they managed quite well. “That is，until about ix months later. Shortly before dawn，the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed, This, of course， wakes his bride and without thinking, she immediately asks, "What on earth are you doing?"
這對恩愛的一對終於結婚了。彼此都沒有忘記父母提過的建議。他一直穿着襪子，每天早上她也一直沒有說過一個字。他們做的都很好。話說大概過了半年後的一天，天剛朦朦亮，丈夫一醒來就發現有一隻襪子在睡覺時掉了。害怕由此帶來的後果，他就瘋狂的在牀上尋找。當然，這也把妻子吵醒了，妻子想都沒想開口就說:“你到底在幹什麼?”
"Oh, my God，” he replies, "you’ve swallowed my sock!”
“噢，我的天哪!”他說，“你吃了我的襪子!”
冷笑話英文翻譯學習三個修道士 (中英)
There were three pious monks. These monks were so pious，in fact，that the head abbot decided one day to reward their devotion by granting them each one day of sin，on the condition that they confess their activities to him at the end of the day.
有三個虔誠的修道士，他們非常的虔誠，以至於修道院院長決定，在他們願意交待一天的所作所爲的條件下，允許他們每個人犯一回戒，以示對他們虔誠的獎勵。
So，the day come，and the three monks went off into the night to indulge in all manner of sin.
所以，當這天夜色來臨的時候三個修道土就趁着夜色下山去犯戒去了。
The first monk sauntered in at 1:00 in the morning, and tried to sneak upstairs to bed. But the head abbot，who was waiting up for the three，stopped him and demanded that he relate his doings.
第一個修道士在凌晨一點的時候悄悄地回來了，他想偷偷的上樓睡覺去，但是正在等待三人的院長叫住了他，問他都幹了什麼。
"No, head abbot，”the first monk said，"it’s too evil for me to admit!”
“沒幹什麼，院長”，第一個修道士說，“對於我來說那太壞了，我不能說出來!”
"'The deal was for you to tell me everything you did，otherwise you will not receive absolution!” said the abbot.
“說好的，你告訴我所有你千的事情，否則不能免你的罪!”院長說。
So the first monk agreed to tell what he did. "I-I-I drank! And I did all manner of drugs! And 1 smoked marijuana, cocaine and. . .”
第一個修道士就同意說出他幹了什麼。“我，我，我喝酒了!我吸了各種各樣的毒品!我吸了大麻、可卡因、還有……”
"Enough!”said the head abbot，enraged. "Those are evil sins, but I promised to forgive you. Go out back，drink some Holy Water, say some prayers and you will be forgiven in the morning.”
“夠了!”院長生氣地說，“那些太罪過了，但是我曾許諾原諒你，回去喝一些聖水，然後祈禱，早上就會被原諒的。”
The first monk thankfully went off to follow the abbot’s instructions.
第一個修道士感激地走了，他去按照院長的指示去做了。
The second monk wandered in at 2:00 AM. "What did you do last night?" demanded the head abbot.
第二個修道士在凌晨兩點的時候回來。“你昨晚做了什麼?”院長問。
"I can’t say! It's much too evil!”
“我不能說!那太罪惡了!”
"The agreement was that you must tell me everything you did!”
“我們說好的，你必須告訴我!”
"Okay，”agreed the second monk." I had all kinds of meat. l had port，beef ,chicken，horse,and even a dog...”
“好吧”，第二個修道士說，“我吃了各種各樣的肉。有豬肉、牛肉、雞肉、馬肉、甚至還吃了狗肉……”
Enough!” cried the head abbot. "That is a truly great sin. But I promised to give you absolution. Go out back and drink some Holy Water. “Then say some prayers and you will be forgiven in the morning.”
“夠了!”院長大叫道:“那真是太罪過了。但是我曾許諾原諒你。回去喝一些聖水，然後祈禱，早上就會被原諒的。”
The second monk sauntered off to do just that.
第二個修道士按照院長所說的去做了。
And the third and final monk crawled in at 3:00 in the morning.
第三個修道士最終在凌晨三點的時候回來了。
"What ," asked the head abbot, "did you do this evening?"
院長問:“你昨晚幹了什麼?”
"No, head abbot, it's too great a sin to admit. I cannot tell!"
“不，院長，那太罪惡了，我不能說!”
"The agreement, monk! You must tell me!"
“修道士，別忘了我們事先說好的。你必須告訴我!”
The third monk bowed his head and nodded. "All right, head abbot. Last night I…I…"
第三個修道士低下他的頭說:“好吧院長，我說，昨天晚上我，我……”
"Yes?"
“怎麼樣了?”
"I pissed in the Holy Water."
“我在聖水裏撒了尿!”
