爆笑英語經典笑話帶翻譯閱讀

有時候閱讀一些幽默的英語笑話，除了能讓人產生興趣更能提高英語閱讀水平，今天本站小編在這裏爲大家分享一些爆笑英語經典笑話，希望大家會喜歡這些英語笑話!

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One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.

After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"

"Certainly"

"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"

"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."

"Then why you didn't take it back?"

"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"

有一天,父親讓八歲的兒子去寄一封信,兒子已經拿着信跑了,父親纔想起信封上沒寫地址和收信人的名字。

兒子回來後,父親問他:“你把信丟進郵筒了嗎?” “當然”“你沒看見信封上沒有寫地址和收信人名字嗎?”

“我當然看見信封上什麼也沒寫”“那你爲什麼不拿回來呢?”

“我還以爲你不寫地址和收信人,是爲了不想讓我知道你把信寄給誰呢!”

The preacher was vexed(生氣的) because a certain member of his congregation(集會，聖會) always fell asleep during the sermon.

As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."

Awaking with a start(嚇一跳) , the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit(講道壇) , "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."

牧師非常生氣，因爲總有一個人在他說教時打瞌睡。

一個星期天，正當坐在前排的那個人又在瞌睡時，牧師決定要好好教育他一下，讓他不要再在佈道時睡覺。於是他低聲對信徒們說：“想去天堂的人，都請站起來吧。”所有的人都站了起來——當然，除了那個打瞌睡的人。在低聲說過請坐後，牧師高聲喊道：“想去下地獄的人請站起來!”

打瞌睡的人被這突然的喊叫聲驚醒了，他站了起來。看到牧師高站在教壇上，正生氣的看着他。這個人說道：“噢，先生，我不知道我們在選什麼，但看上去只有你和我是候選人。”

Stupid Question

Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?"

After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so.

“Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily.

But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?”

愚蠢的問題

丹在一個大城市的某個俱樂部當守門人。每天都有數千人經過他的門口，而且許多人都會停下來問他:“請問現在幾點?”

幾個月後，丹想:“我不想再回答這些蠢人提出的問題了，我要去買一隻大鐘，把它掛在這兒的牆上。”於是他買了一隻鍾，把它掛在了牆上。

“現在人們總不會再停下來問我時間了。”他高興地想。

可是打那以後，每天仍有許多人停下來，看看鐘，然後問丹:“這鐘準嗎?”

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"

"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.

"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家裏。他媽媽問，“發生了什麼事?”

“一個男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說。

“再見到他你能認出來嗎?”媽媽問。

“他走到哪裏我都能認出他，”伊凡說。“他的耳朵還在我衣兜裏呢。”

Put your feet in

The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil , "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"

把腳放進去

一個女學生坐在座位上，嘴裏起勁地嚼着口香糖，腳卻伸到課桌間的走道里，被老師發現了。“瑪麗!”老師嚴厲地叫她。“什麼事，老師?”這女學生問。“把口香糖從嘴裏拿出來，把腳放進去。”

Mary was so disgusted at her husband's cigarette smoking that she complained to him one day.

'I hope that all the cigarette factories will catch fire someday.'

'Don't worry, dear. All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later.' He said with a smile.

瑪麗非常討厭丈夫吸菸，一天對他抱怨說：“我希望有一天所有捲菸廠都失火。”

“不用擔心，親愛的，所有的菸捲遲早都會點着的。”他笑着說。

Give up your seat to a lady

Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."

"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.

"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

給女士讓座

小強尼說：“媽媽，今天早上和爸爸在公車上時，他叫我讓座給一位女士。”

媽媽說：“你做得很對呀。”

“但是，媽媽，我是坐在爸爸膝蓋上的。”

Miles sometime went to the barber's during working hours to have his hair cut. But this was against the office rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time. While Miles was at the barber's one day, the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut and sat just beside him."Hello, Miles," the manager said. "I see that you are having your hair cut in office time.""Yes, sir, I am," admitted Miles calmly. "You see, sir, it grows in office time.""Not all of it," said the manager at once. "Some of it grows in your own time.""Yes, sir, that's quite true." Answered Miles politely, "but I'm not having it all cut off."麥爾斯有時在上班時間去理髮館理髮，但這是違反辦公室規定的：職員只能利用自己的時間理髮。一天，正當麥爾斯理髮時，經理碰巧也進來理髮，而且就坐在他旁邊。“你好，麥爾斯，”經理說。“我看到你在上班時間理髮了。”“是的，先生。正是這樣。”麥爾斯平靜地承認了。可先生，你看，頭髮是在上班時間長的。“不全都是吧，”經理立刻說，“有一些是在你自己的時間裏長的。”“對呀，先生，你說得很對。”麥爾斯禮貌地回答說，“但我並沒有把頭髮全都剪掉啊。”

A teacher said to her class:”Who was the first man?”“George Washington,”a little boy shouted promptly.

“How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.“Because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”But at this point a larger boy held up his hand.“Well,”said the teacher to him, “who do you think was the first man?”

“I don’t know what his name was,”said the larger boy, “but I know it wasn’t George Washington, ma’am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him.”

一個老師問她的學生：“誰是世界上第一個男人”一個小男孩立刻大聲說：“喬治.華盛頓。”老師帶着寵溺的笑容問這個男生：“你如何證明喬治華盛頓是世界上第一個男人呢。”這個男孩子說：“因爲，他是第一個挑起戰爭，第一個主張和平，並且是第一個深得民心的人。”這時，有一個年齡稍大的男孩子舉起手來，老師問他，“你認爲誰是世界第一個男人?”男孩回答說：“我不知道他的名字，但是我肯定他不是喬治華盛頓，因爲歷史書上說，喬治華盛頓和一個寡婦結婚了，所以在他之前，當然還有一個男的啦。”

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