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《美食祈禱和戀愛》Chapter 16 (30):被寂寞逮捕大綱

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ing-bottom: 75%;">《美食祈禱和戀愛》Chapter 16 (30):被寂寞逮捕

Then they frisk me. They empty my pockets of any joy I had been carrying there. Depression even confiscates my identity; but he always does that. Then Loneliness starts interrogating me, which I dread because it always goes on for hours. He's polite but relentless, and he always trips me up eventually. He asks if I have any reason to be happy that I know of. He asks why I am all by myself tonight, yet again. He asks (though we've been through this line of questioning hundreds of times already) why I can't keep a relationship going, why I ruined my marriage, why I messed things up with David, why I messed things up with every man I've ever been with. He asks me where I was the night I turned thirty, and why things have gone so sour since then. He asks why I can't get my act together, and why I'm not at home living in a nice house and raising nice children like any respectable woman my age should be. He asks why, exactly, I think I deserve a vacation in Rome when I've made such a rubble of my life. He asks me why I think that running away to Italy like a college kid will make me happy. He asks where I think I'll end up in my old age, if I keep living this way.

而後它們對我搜身。它們掏空我裝在口袋裏的喜悅。“抑鬱 ”甚至扣押我的身份;但它向來如此。而後“寂寞”開始盤問我,實在讓我不寒而慄,因爲它總是持續好幾個小時問個不停。它雖有禮貌,卻很無情,最後總讓我泄漏真情。它問我知不知道任何快樂的理由。它問我爲何今晚又是獨自一人。它問我(儘管這種盤問我們早已進行過數百次)爲何無法持續一種關係,我爲何毀了我的婚姻,我爲何搞砸跟大衛的關係,我爲何搞砸和每個曾跟我相處的男人的關係。它問我過三十歲生日時當晚人在哪裏,爲何情況從此每況愈下。他問我爲何不能做好該做的事,爲何不待在家中,住好房子,生兒育女,像同年齡的正常女子該做的那樣。它問我把生活搞得一團糟之後,爲何認爲自己有權利來羅馬度假。它問我爲何以爲像大學生那樣逃到意大利就能讓自己快樂。它問我如果我繼續過這種生活,覺得自己老的時候有何下場。

I walk back home, hoping to shake them, but they keep following me, these two goons. Depression has a firm hand on my shoulder and Loneliness harangues me with his interrogation. I don't even bother eating dinner; I don't want them watching me. I don't want to let them up the stairs to my apartment, either, but I know Depression, and he's got a billy club, so there's no stopping him from coming in if he decides that he wants to.

我走回家,希望甩掉它們,但這兩個暴徒繼續跟蹤我“抑鬱”用一隻手緊緊抓住我的肩“寂寞”語調激昂地盤問我。我甚至懶得吃晚飯;我不要它 們觀看我。我也不想讓它們上樓進我的公寓,但我知道“抑鬱”持有警棍,無法阻止它進門,如果它決定這麼做的話。

"It's not fair for you to come here," I tell Depression. "I paid you off already. I served my time back in New York."

“你們到這裏來,這不公平,”我告訴“抑鬱”,“我欠你們的已經付清。我在紐約已服了刑。”

But he just gives me that dark smile, settles into my favorite chair, puts his feet on my table and lights a cigar, filling the place with his awful smoke. Loneliness watches and sighs, then climbs into my bed and pulls the covers over himself, fully dressed, shoes and all. He's going to make me sleep with him again tonight, I just know , Pray, Love

但它只是朝我陰險地笑,在我最喜歡的椅子上坐下,雙腳擱在我的桌上,點了一根雪茄,可怕的煙霧瀰漫了整個房間。“寂寞”看着這一切,嘆了口氣,而後爬上我的牀,蓋上被單,穿戴齊全,鞋也沒脫。今晚它又要逼我和它一起睡,我就曉得。