經典科幻文學:《銀河系漫遊指南》第1章Part 1

Chapter 1
The only person for whom the house was in any way special was Arthur Dent, and that was only because it happened to be the one he lived in. He had lived in it for about three years, ever since he had moved out of London because it made him nervous and irritable. He was about thirty as well, dark haired and never quite at ease with himself. The thing that used to worry him most was the fact that people always used to ask him what he was looking so worried about. He worked in local radio which he always used to tell his friends was a lot more interesting than they probably thought. It was, too — most of his friends worked in advertising.
It hadn't properly registered with Arthur that the council wanted to knock down his house and build an bypass instead.
At eight o'clock on Thursday morning Arthur didn't feel very good. He woke up blearily, got up, wandered blearily round his room, opened a window, saw a bulldozer, found his slippers, and stomped off to the bathroom to wash.
Toothpaste on the brush — so. Scrub.
Shaving mirror — pointing at the ceiling. He adjusted it. For a moment it reflected a second bulldozer through the bathroom window. Properly adjusted, it reflected Arthur Dent's bristles. He shaved them off, washed, dried, and stomped off to the kitchen to find something pleasant to put in his mouth.
The word bulldozer wandered through his mind for a moment in search of something to connect with.
The bulldozer outside the kitchen window was quite a big one.
He stared at it.
He stood and thought. The pub, he thought. Oh dear, the pub. He vaguely remembered being angry, angry about something that seemed important. He'd been telling people about it, telling people about it at great length, he rather suspected: his clearest visual recollection was of glazed looks on other people's faces. Something about a new bypass he had just found out about. It had been in the pipeline for months only no one seemed to have known about it. Ridiculous. He took a swig of water. It would sort itself out, he'd decided, no one wanted a bypass, the council didn't have a leg to stand on. It would sort itself out.
God what a terrible hangover it had earned him though. He looked at himself in the wardrobe mirror. He stuck out his tongue. "Yellow," he thought. The word yellow wandered through his mind in search of something to connect with.
Fifteen seconds later he was out of the house and lying in front of a big yellow bulldozer that was advancing up his garden path.
Mr L Prosser was, as they say, only human. In other words he was a carbon-based life form descended from an ape. More specifically he was forty, fat and shabby and worked for the local council. Curiously enough, though he didn't know it, he was also a direct male-line descendant of Genghis Khan, though intervening generations and racial mixing had so juggled his genes that he had no discernible Mongoloid characteristics, and the only vestiges left in Mr L Prosser of his mighty ancestry were a pronounced stoutness about the tum and a predilection for little fur hats.
He was by no means a great warrior: in fact he was a nervous worried man. Today he was particularly nervous and worried because something had gone seriously wrong with his job — which was to see that Arthur Dent's house got cleared out of the way before the day was out.
"Come off it, Mr Dent,", he said, "you can't win you know. You can't lie in front of the bulldozer indefinitely." He tried to make his eyes blaze fiercely but they just wouldn't do it.
Arthur lay in the mud and squelched at him.
"I'm game," he said, "we'll see who rusts first."
"I'm afraid you're going to have to accept it," said Mr Prosser gripping his fur hat and rolling it round the top of his head, "this bypass has got to be built and it's going to be built!"
"First I've heard of it," said Arthur, "why's it going to be built?"
Mr Prosser shook his finger at him for a bit, then stopped and put it away again.

第一章
這是一所普通的房子，無論從哪個方面來看都毫不起眼。也許這所房子只對惟一一個人有着特殊的意義，那就是阿瑟·鄧特，而這也僅僅只因爲他碰巧是住在裏面的人而已。自從搬出倫敦那個讓他緊張和急躁的鬼地方，阿瑟住在這兒已經3年了。他大概30歲上下，高個子，深色頭髮，屬於那種總也平靜不下來的傢伙。他最大的焦慮就是，周圍的人總是問他爲什麼看上去這麼焦慮。他在當地的廣播電臺工作，他總是告訴自己的朋友們這份工作比他們想像中的有趣得多。而實際上，他的大部分朋友本身就是在這家電臺工作的。
阿瑟並不知道，委員會已經決定要推倒這所房子，修成一條通道。
星期四早上8點，阿瑟感覺有點兒不舒服。他迷迷糊糊地醒來，起牀，又迷迷糊糊地在房間裏轉悠，他推開一扇窗戶，看見了一輛推土機，他找到自己的拖鞋，咕咚咕咚走進衛生間洗漱。
把牙膏塗在牙刷上——好，開始刷牙。
刮鬍鏡——居然對着天花板。於是他開始調整，在某一個角度上，鏡子正好映出第二輛推土機駛過衛生間的窗戶。終於調整好位置了，鏡中映出了阿瑟·鄧特的鬍子。他刮乾淨鬍子，清洗，擦乾，又咕咚咕咚衝進廚房，想找點兒好吃的東西填進嘴巴。
“推土機”這個詞兒一度在他腦海中盤旋着，想找到什麼相關聯的東西。
廚房窗外的那臺推土機可真是個大傢伙。
阿瑟盯着它。
他站在那兒，回想着。酒館，他想起來了。噢，天啊，那家酒館。他模糊地記得自己當時發了火，是爲了某件似乎很重要的事發火。他當時正在向別人講述這件事，不厭其煩地詳細講述着，那是他剛剛知道的關於一條新通道的消息。這個消息應該已經傳出來好幾個月了，但看上去居然沒有誰知道，真夠荒謬的。他喝了口水。這事兒得去解決掉，他決定了，沒有人想要這條破通道，委員會根本就站不住腳。這事兒得去解決去。
天啊，這酒還真醉得不輕。他望着穿衣鏡中的自己，伸了伸舌頭。“黃色。”他想。於是“黃色”這個詞兒在他腦海中盤旋着，想找到什麼相關聯的東西。
15秒鐘過後，他來到屋外，橫躺在一輛巨型的黃色推土機前面，這輛推土機正向他的花園小徑開過去。
普洛塞先生，按照人們的說法，只是一個普通人。換句話說，他屬於一種主要由碳元素構成的兩足動物，直接從猿進化而來。如果要再多介紹幾句的話，那麼，他40歲，是個胖子，衣着破舊，爲本地的委員會工作。有趣的是，雖然他本人並不知道，但他確確實實是成吉思汗的直系後代，儘管過多的代系和種族的融合早已經改變了他的基因，使他不再具有蒙古人外貌上的特徵。說起來，普洛塞先生那偉大的祖先留給他的惟一遺傳特徵也許就是明顯的矮壯身材，以及對短毛皮帽子的偏愛了。
他絕對不是一個偉大的戰士，實際上，他是一個緊張、焦慮的人。今天，他尤其緊張，尤其焦慮，因爲他的工作遇到了不小的麻煩。他今天的任務就是，監督阿瑟·鄧特的房子在一天之內給剷平。
“起來吧，鄧特先生，”他說，“你拗不過的，這你知道。你總不能老躺在推土機前面吧。”他極力讓自己的眼神看起來惡狠狠的，但是眼睛卻不聽使喚。
阿瑟躺在泥漿裏，瞟了他一眼。
“那好吧，就讓咱們來玩個遊戲。”他說，“瞧瞧究竟是誰先熬不住。”
“我很抱歉，不過恐怕你還是得接受這個現實。”普洛塞先生說，一邊用手抓住自己的毛皮帽子，一直捲到頭頂上，“這條通道必須得建，它就快要建了！”
“我可是第一次聽說這個什麼通道。”阿瑟說，“憑什麼它就一定得建呢？”
普洛塞先生衝他晃動着手指，好一會兒才停下來，收了回去。