經典科幻文學:《銀河系漫遊指南》第10章 Part 1

A voice behind them said, "It is." The voice was low and hopeless and accompanied by a slight clanking sound. They span round and saw an abject steel man standing hunched in the doorway.
"What?" they said.
"Ghastly," continued Marvin, "it all is. Absolutely ghastly. Just don't even talk about it. Look at this door," he said, stepping through it. The irony circuits cut into his voice modulator as he mimicked the style of the sales brochure. "All the doors in this spaceship have a cheerful and sunny disposition. It is their pleasure to open for you, and their satisfaction to close again with the knowledge of a job well done."
As the door closed behind them it became apparent that it did indeed have a satisfied sigh-like quality to it. "Hummmmmmmyummmmmmm ah!" it said.
Marvin regarded it with cold loathing whilst his logic circuits chattered with disgust and tinkered with the concept of directing physical violence against it Further circuits cut in saying, Why bother? What's the point? Nothing is worth getting involved in. Further circuits amused themselves by analysing the molecular components of the door, and of the humanoids' brain cells. For a quick encore they measured the level of hydrogen emissions in the surrounding cubic parsec of space and then shut down again in boredom. A spasm of despair shook the robot's body as he turned.
"Come on," he droned, "I've been ordered to take you down to the bridge. Here I am, brain the size of a planet and they ask me to take you down to the bridge. Call that job satisfaction? 'Cos I don't."
He turned and walked back to the hated door.
"Er, excuse me," said Ford following after him, "which government owns this ship?"
Marvin ignored him.

一個聲音從他們身後傳來，“確實糟糕。”這聲音低沉而毫無生氣，伴隨着輕微的叮噹聲。他們轉過身來，看見一個可憐兮兮的金屬人正站在門口。
“什麼？”他們問。
“糟糕，”馬文接着說，“確實是的，簡直糟糕透了。還是別再談論這個問題了。看着這扇門，”他一邊說，一邊邁步進來。這時，他的反諷電路接通了他的語音調節器，他開始戲仿起那本銷售冊子的風格來，“‘這艘飛船上所有的門都具備樂觀開朗的好脾氣。它們很樂意爲你敞開，並且知道要想完成好這項工作的話它們還得自動關上。’”
這扇門在他身後關閉，很顯然，它確實具備了這樣的好品質，伴隨着一聲感嘆似的聲音，“嗯……啊……啊！”
對這扇門，馬文滿腔冰冷的怨怒，他的邏輯電路不停地向他灌輸蔑視的信號以及應該用物理暴力對付它的概念。深層次的電路則不停插話進來：“爲什麼會煩惱？事情的重點是什麼？沒什麼事情值得全力投入去幹。”更深層次的電路則通過分析這扇門的分子結構以及人類腦細胞的分子結構來給自己找樂子。
“來吧，”他嗡嗡地說，“我得到指令把你們倆帶到控制橋上去，所以我到了這兒。我的腦容量抵得上一顆行星，他們卻叫我把你們帶到控制橋上去。這能稱得上令人滿意的工作嗎？我當然不這麼認爲。”

他轉過身去，走回到那扇可惡的門前。
“噢，打擾一下，”福特跟在他身後說，“請問這艘飛船屬於哪個政府？”
馬文沒有理他。