世紀文學經典:《百年孤獨》第13章Part2

In that way the child gave her the information that was denied her by her eyes, and long before he went away to the seminary úrsula could already distinguish the different colors of the saints' clothing by the texture. Sometimes unforeseen accidents would happen. One afternoon when Amaranta was 'embroidering on the porch with the begonias úrsula bumped into her.
"For heaven's sake," Amaranta protested. "watch where you're going."
"It's your fault," úrsula said. "You're not sitting where you're supposed to."
She was sure of it. But that day she began to realize something that no one had noticed and it was that with the passage of the year the sun imperceptibly changed position and those who sat on the porch had to change their position little by little without being aware of it. From then on úrsula had only to remember the date in order to know exactly where Amaranta was sitting. Even though the trembling of her hands was more and more noticeable and the weight of her feet was too much for her, her small figure was never seen in so many places at the same time. She was almost as diligent as when she had the whole weight of the house on her shoulders. Nevertheless, in the impenetrable solitude of decrepitude she had such clairvoyance as she examined the most insignificant happenings in the family that for the first time she saw clearly the truths that her busy life in former times had prevented her from seeing. Around the time they were preparing José Arcadio for the seminary she had already made a detailed recapitulation of life in the house since the founding of Macon-do and had completely changed the opinion that she had always held of her descendants. She realized that Colonel Aure-liano Buendía had not lost his love for the family because he had been hardened by the war, as she had thought before, but that he had never loved anyone, not even his wife Remedios or the countless one-night women who had passed through his life, and much less his sons. She sensed that he had fought so many wars not out of idealism, as everyone had thought, nor had he renounced a certain victory because of fatigue, as everyone had thought, but that he had won and lost for the same reason, pure and sinful pride. She reached the conclusion that the son for whom she would have given her life was simply a man incapable of love. One night when she was carrying him in her belly she heard him weeping. It was such a definite lament that José Arcadio Buendía woke up beside her and was happy with the idea that his son was going to be a ventriloquist. Other people predicted that he would be a prophet. She, on the other hand, shuddered from the certainty that the deep moan was a first indication of the fearful pig tail and she begged God to let the child die in her womb. But the lucidity of her old age allowed her to see, and she said so many times, that the cries of children in their mothers' wombs are not announcements of ventriloquism or a faculty for prophecy but an unmistakable sign of an incapacity for love. The lowering of the image of her son brought out in her all at once all the compassion that she owed him. Amaranta, however, whose hardness of heart frightened her, whose concentrated bitterness made her bitter, suddenly became clear to her in the final analysis as the most tender woman who had ever existed, and she understood with pitying clarity that the unjust tortures to which she had submitted Pietro Crespi had not been dictated by a desire for vengeance, as everyone had thought, nor had the slow martyrdom with which she had frustrated the life of Colonel Geri-neldo Márquez been determined by the gall of her bitterness, as everyone had thought, but that both actions had been a mortal struggle between a measureless love and an invincible cowardice, and that the irrational fear that Amaranta had always had of her own tormented heart had triumphed in the end. It was during that time that úrsula, began to speak Rebeca's name, bringing back the memory of her with an old love that was exalted by tardy repentance and a sudden admiration, coming to understand that only she, Rebeca, the one who had never fed of her milk but only of the earth of the land and the whiteness of the walls, the one who did not carry the blood of her veins in hers but the unknown blood of the strangers whose bones were still clocing in their grave. Rebeca, the one with an impatient heart, the one with a fierce womb, was the only one who bad the unbridled courage that úrsula had wanted for her line.
"Rebeca," she would say, feeling along the walls, "how unfair we've been to you!"

這樣，孩子就告訴了鳥蘇娜她的眼睛看不見的情況。所以，在孩子進神學院之前很久，烏蘇娜已經能夠用千摸着辨別聖像農着的不同顏色。有時也發生過預料不到的事。有一次，阿瑪蘭塔在秋海棠長廊上繡花時，烏蘇娜撞上了她。
“我的天，”阿瑪蘭塔生氣他說，“瞧你走到哪兒來啦。”
“這要怪你自己，”烏蘇娜回答，“你沒坐在你應當坐的地方。”
烏蘇娜完全相信自己是對的。那一天，她開始知道一種誰也不注意的現象：隨着一年四季的交替，太陽也悄悄地逐漸改變在天上的位置，坐在長廊上的人也不知不覺地逐漸移動和改變自己的位置。從那時起，烏蘇娜只要想起當天是幾號，就能準確地斷定阿瑪蘭塔是坐在哪兒的。雖然烏蘇娜的手一天一天地越來越顏抖了兩條腿彷彿灌滿了鉛，可她那矮個的身軀從來不象現在這樣接連出現在那麼多的地方。烏蘇娜幾乎象從前肩負全家重擔時那麼勤勞。然而現在，在黯然無光的暮年的孤獨中，她卻能異常敏銳地洞悉家中哪怕最小的事情，第一次清楚地知道了一些真情實況，而這些真情實況是她以前一直忙碌時無法知道的。她準備讓霍·阿卡蒂奧去進神學院時，已經細緻地考察了馬孔多建立以來布恩蒂亞家的整個生活，完全改變了自己關於子孫後代的看法。她相信，奧雷連諾上校失去了對家庭的愛，並不象她從前所想的是戰爭使他變得冷酷了，而是他從來沒有愛過任何人：沒有愛過他的妻子雷麥黛絲，沒有愛過他一生中碰到的無數一夜情人，尤其沒有愛過他的一羣兒子。她覺得，他發動了那麼多的戰爭，並不象大家認爲的是出於理想；他放棄十拿九穩的勝利，也不象大家所想的是由於睏乏；他取得勝利和遭到失敗都是同一個原岡：名副其實的、罪惡的虛榮心。她最後認爲，她的兒子（爲了他，她連性命都不顧）是生來不愛別人的。有一天夜皮晚，當他還在她肚子裏的時候，她就聽見他啼哭，啼哭聲是那麼悲哀和清晰，睡在旁邊的霍·阿·布恩蒂亞醒了過來，甚至高興地認爲這孩子將是一個天生的口技演員。另一些人預言，他將成爲一個先知。烏蘇娜本人卻嚇得發抖，因爲她突然相信，這種腹中的啼哭預示孩干將會長着一條可怕的豬尾巴，於是祈求上帝讓孩子死在她的肚子裏。但她恍然明白，而且說了又說，孩子在母親肚子裏又哭又叫，並不表示他有口技和預見才能，只能確鑿地表明他不愛別人。這樣貶低兒子的形象卻使她突然產生了對他的憐憫。然而，阿瑪蘭塔卻跟他相反，她的鐵石心腸曾使烏蘇娜害怕，她隱祕的痛苦曾叫烏蘇娜難過，現在烏蘇娜倒覺得她是一個最溫柔的女人了，而且懷着同情心敏銳地感到，阿瑪蘭塔讓皮埃特羅·克列斯比遭到毫無道理的折磨，決不象大家認爲的是由於她那報復的渴望，而格林列爾多·馬克斯上校遭到慢性的摧折，也決不象大家認爲的是由於她那極度的悲恨。實際上，二者都是無限的愛情和不可剋制的膽怯之間生死搏鬥的結果，在阿瑪蘭塔痛苦的心中糾纏不休的荒謬的恐怖感，終於在這種鬥爭中佔了上風。烏蘇娜越來越頻繁地提到雷貝卡的名字時，她總懷着往日的憐愛想起雷貝十的形象；由於過遲的悔悟和突然的欽佩，這種憐愛就更強烈了；她明白，雷貝卡雖不是她的奶養大的，而是靠泥上和牆上的石灰長大的；這姑娘血管裏流着的不是布思蒂亞的血，而是陌生人的血，陌生人的骸骨甚至還在墳墓裏發出咔嚓咔嚓的響聲，可是隻有雷貝卡——性情急躁的雷貝卡，熱情奔放的雷貝卡，是唯一具有豪邁勇氣的，而這種勇氣正是烏蘇娜希望她的子孫後代具備的品質。
“雷貝卡啊，”她摸着牆壁，喃喃說道，“我們對你多不公道呀！”