殘忍而美麗的情誼:The Kite Runner 追風箏的人(130)

“No he wasn’t. He and Sanaubar had Hassan, didn’t they? They had Hassan--”
“No they didn’t,” Rahim Khan said.
“Yes they did!”
“No they didn’t, Amir.”
“Then who--”
“I think you know who.”I felt like a man sliding down a steep cliff, clutching at shrubs and tangles of brambles and coming up empty-handed. The room was swooping up and down, swaying side to side. “Did Hassan know?” I said through lips that didn’t feel like my own. Rahim Khan closed his eyes. Shook his head.
“You bastards,” I muttered. Stood up. “You goddamn bastards!” I screamed. “All of you, you bunch of lying goddamn bastards!”
“Please sit down,” Rahim Khan said.
“How could you hide this from me? From him?” I bellowed. “Please think, Amir Jan. It was a shameful situation. People would talk. All that a man had back then, all that he was, was his honor, his name, and if people talked... We couldn’t tell anyone, surely you can see that.” He reached for me, but I shed his hand. Headed for the door.
“Amir jan, please don’t leave.”I opened the door and turned to him. “Why? What can you possibly say to me? I’m thirty-eight years old and I’ve Just found out my whole life is one big fucking lie! What can you possibly say to make things better? Nothing. Not a goddamn thing!”
And with that, I stormed out of the apartment.

“不，他不是的。他跟莎娜芭生了哈桑，不是嗎？他們有哈桑……”
“不，哈桑不是他們生的。”
“是的，是他們生的！”
“不，不是他們，阿米爾。”
“那麼是誰……”
“我想你知道是誰。”我覺得自己好像墮入萬丈深淵，拼命想抓住樹枝和荊棘的藤蔓，卻什麼也沒拉到。突然之間天旋地轉，房間左搖右晃。“哈桑知道嗎？”這話彷彿不是從我口中說出來的。拉辛汗閉上眼睛，搖搖頭。
“你這個混蛋，”我喃喃說，站起來，“你們這羣該死的混蛋！”我大叫，“你們全部，你們這羣該死的說謊的混蛋！”
“請你坐下。”拉辛汗說。
“你們怎麼可以瞞着我？瞞着他？”我悲憤地說。“拜託你想想，親愛的阿米爾。這是丟人的事情，人們會說三道四。那時，男人所能仰仗的全部就是他的聲譽、他的威名，而如果人們議論紛紛……我們不能告訴任何人，你一定也知道。”他伸手來摸我，但我推開他的手，埋頭奔向門口。
“親愛的阿米爾，求求你別走。”我打開門，轉向他，“爲什麼？你想對我說什麼？我今年三十八歲了，我剛剛纔發現我一輩子活在一個他媽的謊言之下！你還想說些什麼，能讓事情變好？沒有！沒有！”
我扔下這些話，嘭嘭衝出公寓。