感情創傷的恢復期有多長？
無論你是失去了工作還是女朋友，要不了多久就會有人告訴你，重新振作起來，時間會治癒所有的傷痛。
Yes, but how much time?
的確是這樣，可是要多長時間呢？
Experts say most people should give themselves a good two years to recover from an emotional trauma such as a breakup or the loss of a job. And if you were blindsided by the event -- your spouse left abruptly, you were fired unexpectedly -- it could take longer.
專家說大多數人應該給自己整整兩年的時間以從分手或失業這樣的感情創傷中恢復。如果發生的事情讓你猝不及防──你的配偶突然離你而去，你毫無預料地遭到解僱──恢復起來可能需要花更長的時間。
That is more time than most people expect, says Prudence Gourguechon, a psychiatrist in Chicago and former president of the American Psychoanalytic Association. It's important to know roughly how long the emotional disruption will last. Once you get over the shock that it is going to be a long process, you can relax, Dr. Gourguechon says. 'You don't have to feel pressure to be OK, because you're not OK.'
芝加哥的精神病學家、美國精神分析協會(the American Psychoanalytic Association)前主席普魯登絲•古爾格雄(Prudence Gourguechon)說，這比大多數人預計的時間要長。知道感情困擾持續的大致時間長短很重要。古爾格雄博士說，一旦你克服了那種震驚感，認可了恢復是一個漫長過程，你就可以放鬆了。“你不必給自己壓力，覺得自己應該沒事，因爲事實上你並不是沒事。”
Some experts call this recovery period an 'identity crisis process.' It is perfectly normal, they say, to feel depressed, anxious and distracted during this time -- in other words, to be an emotional mess. (Getting over the death of a loved one is more complicated and typically will take even longer than two years, experts say.)
一些專家稱這個恢復期爲“認同危機過程”(identity crisis process)。他們說，在這段時間裏感到鬱悶沮喪、焦慮不安和心煩意亂是完全正常的──換句話說，情緒上是一團亂麻。（專家說，至親至愛的人去世，要從中恢復是件更復雜的事，需要的時間一般會超過兩年。）
Some people may find they need less than two years to bounce back from a divorce. But experts caution that it probably doesn't pay to ignore the process, hurry it along or deny it, say, by immediately moving across the country to get a fresh start or diving into a new relationship. That will probably only postpone the day of reckoning.
有些人也許發現他們離婚後恢復的時間不需要兩年。但是專家警告說，忽視這一過程可能會得不償失，比如以搬到遙遠的地方重新開始生活或投入一段新感情的方式加快或拒絕承認這一過程，那樣也許只能讓最終清算日的到來往後推遲一點而已。
After all, it takes time to rethink all the things that may be disrupted by emotional trauma, such as one's living situation, finances, professional goals and -- maybe most important -- how a person sees him or herself. There aren't any shortcuts. 'The whole sweep of your life has to be reassessed and rewoven,' Dr. Gourguechon says.
畢竟，重新考慮可能被感情創傷所打亂的所有事情是需要花費時間的，比如一個人的生活現狀、財務狀況、職業目標以及──或許是最重要的──一個人如何看待自己。沒有任何捷徑。古爾格雄博士說：“你的整個生活都必須重新評估、重新編織。”
Four years ago, Michael Hassard filed for divorce from his wife of almost eight years and began attending a 'divorce care' class at his Baptist church in Muscle Shoals, Ala. At the first meeting, the instructor said it would take two years to come out of the emotional turmoil.
四年前，邁克爾•哈薩德(Michael Hassard)申請與結婚近八年的妻子離婚並開始參加阿拉巴馬州馬斯爾肖爾斯(Muscle Shoals)浸禮會教堂開辦的“離婚關懷”班。第一次上課的時候，老師說走出情緒波動期需要兩年的時間。
'Hearing that was actually a relief,' says Mr. Hassard, 42 and an engineer at a company that designs and builds chemical plants. 'It gave me a finish line and a goal to work toward.'
哈薩德說：“聽到那樣的說法實際上是一種解脫。它給了我一個終點線和一個爲之努力的目標。”現年42歲的哈薩德在一家設計和建造化工廠的公司擔任工程師。
Mr. Hassard, who was awarded custody of his son and daughter, had been feeling depressed, angry, resentful and overwhelmed as a suddenly-single parent. He was sitting in class one night and began to see his recovery as the wall he'd had to scale on an Army boot-camp obstacle course. It was going to be tough. There was no way around it. But things would be better on the other side.
哈薩德得到了他兒子和女兒的監護權，突然間成爲一名單親父親，他曾感到鬱悶、憤怒、怨恨、不知所措。一天晚上，他坐在課堂裏，開始把他的恢復看成是他在軍隊集訓的越野障礙訓練場上必須攀爬過去的一堵 ，翻過去會很艱難，沒有可以迂迴包抄的路。但是到了 的另一面，事情會發生好轉。
He went home and taped a note, titled 'Two Years,' onto the fridge. It said, 'I am going to get back to normal, and I am going to do it right.'
回到家後，他在冰箱上貼了一張紙條，標題是“兩年”。紙條上寫道：“我要恢復正常，我會把這件事做得很好。”
Recovering from a divorce or job loss actually involves two overlapping processes. There is the recovery from grief. And there is the even more time-consuming process of rebuilding the structure of your life. Where will you eat dinner? Who will your friends be? After all, if you are married, even if you hate your spouse, 'you know when to show up and when to come home,' Dr. Gourguechon says.
從離婚或失業中恢復實際上包含兩個交叉的過程，其一是從悲痛中恢復，另一個甚至更耗時的過程是重建你的生活結構。你會到哪裏吃晚餐？你會交哪些朋友？古爾格雄博士說，畢竟，如果你是個結了婚的人，哪怕你討厭你的配偶，“你也知道何時參加活動，何時回家”。
If you saw the loss coming -- say you initiated the divorce -- you are ahead of a person who was caught off guard. A person taken by surprise is 'required to do a lot more rumination,' says Sandra Petronio, a professor of communication at Indiana University-Purdue University, Indianapolis. 'You need to do some type of analysis about what happened to you.'
如果你事先知道自己即將失去什麼──比如是你提出的離婚──那你會比措手不及的人好一些。在印第安納大學-普度大學印第安納波利斯分校(Indiana University-Purdue University, Indianapolis)擔任溝通學教授的桑德拉•彼得羅尼奧(Sandra Petronio)說，一個遭受突然襲擊的人“需要更多地深思，你需要對發生在你身上的事情進行一些分析。”
'People start thinking they are crazy because the things they usually do to right their ship -- things like talking to their mother, asking their friends for help, getting some sleep -- don't work anymore,' says Ilene Dillon, a licensed clinical social worker in Kentfield, Calif. 'And you have all these emotions that won't seem to stop.'
加利福尼亞州肯特菲爾德(Kentfield)的執業臨牀社會工作者伊雷恩•狄龍(Ilene Dillon)說：“你會開始認爲自己瘋了，因爲通常你爲修正自己這艘航船所做的那些事情──諸如和母親交談、找鄰居幫忙、睡一會兒覺這些事情──都不再起作用了，而且你還有所有這些似乎無法抑制的情緒。”
To help yourself get through the process, accept that there is nothing wrong with you, even if your emotions feel overwhelming. Remind yourself that this period will end. Tell your friends and family that while you may not be your typical self for a while, you still need their support and you will recover.
爲了幫助自己熬過這一過程，你得接受自己沒有過錯這一點，哪怕你的情緒感覺難以抑制。提醒自己這段日子終將結束，告訴你的朋友和家人，雖然在一段時間之內你可能不再是平常的那個自己，但是你仍然需要他們的支持，你會恢復過來的。
Don't make any major, permanent changes, if you can help it, such as moving to a new city. Therapy can help, so you won't have to go through the process alone. As for a new relationship -- forget about it.
如果可以做到的話，不要做出任何永久性的重大改變，比如搬到一座新的城市去住。接受心理治療是有幫助的，如此你就不必獨自一人熬過這一過程。至於新的一段感情──還是算了吧。
During what he calls his own two-year 'divorce recovery process,' Mr. Hassard revised the note on his fridge every three months or so, updating his progress and objectives. He targeted different areas, such as 'self worth,' 'facing my anger,' 'being a good parent,' 'forgiveness,' 'moving on.'
在哈薩德自稱的兩年“離婚恢復期”中，他每三個月左右就修改一下冰箱上的紙條，更新自己的進展和目標。他的紙條針對不同方面的目標，比如：“自我價值”、“正視我的憤怒”、“做一名好家長”、“寬宏大量”、“繼續前進”。
'If you don't rewrite your goals,' says Mr. Hassard, who has since moved to Centerville, Utah, 'they start to become invisible.'
後來遷居猶他州森特維爾(Centerville)的哈薩德說：“如果你不重新改寫目標，它們就開始變得不清晰了。”
Sometimes small decisions tripped him up, such as which side of the bed to sleep on, or whom to call at the end of a good day. He kept a journal, burning his most bitter entries on the backyard barbecue grill. He sometimes cried or yelled while commuting alone in his car, rolling down the windows or dropping the convertible top to 'let it all blow out behind you.' He waited more than a year to start dating, until he noticed himself 'looking for good things instead of trying to avoid the bad.'
有時，一些小的決定就會難倒他，比如在牀的哪一邊睡覺，或者美好的一天結束時給誰打電話。他記日記，然後在後院的燒烤架上把其中最痛苦的內容燒掉。有時一個人開車上下班時他會大哭大叫，搖下車窗或打開摺疊敞篷“任其在自己身後兜風鼓脹”。他等了一年多，直到他發現自己是“在尋找美好的事物而不是試圖躲避壞事”了纔開始約會。
One night, when the two years were up, Mr. Hassard held a celebration. While the kids were at a slumber party, he cooked himself his favorite meal -- bacon-wrapped chicken, green-bean casserole and garlic toast -- and opened a bottle of Pinot Grigio.
兩年時間滿了的時候，哈薩德在一個夜晚舉辦了慶祝會。當孩子們在享受睡衣晚會的時候，他給自己做了最愛吃的一頓飯──培根雞肉卷、奶油蘑菇烤四季豆和蒜香吐司──還開了一瓶灰比諾葡萄酒。
Watching the sunset from his back porch, he assessed his progress and asked: 'Am I done?' The answer, he says, was 'Yes.'
哈薩德一邊在自家屋後門廊看着日落，一邊評估自己的進展。他自問道：“我恢復了嗎？”他說，答案是“是的”。
'The finish line is only metaphorical until you make it real,' he says. 'And I got there.'
他說：“在你真正到達終點線之前，這條線只是一個象徵性的存在。最終我到達了終點線。”
