THE FALSE COLLARing-bottom: 100%;">There was once a fine gentleman, all of whose moveables were a boot-jack and a hair-comb: but he had the finest false collars in the world; and it is about one of these collars that we are now to hear a story.It was so old, that it began to think of marriage; and it happened that it came to be washed in company with a garter."Nay!" said the collar. "I never did see anything so slender and so fine, so soft and so neat. May I not ask your name?""That I shall not tell you!" said the garter."Where do you live?" asked the collar.But the garter was so bashful, so modest, and thought it was a strange question to answer."You are certainly a girdle," said the collar; "that is to say an inside girdle. I see well that you are both for use and ornament, my dear young lady.""I will thank you not to speak to me," said the garter. "I think I have not given the least occasion for it.""Yes! When one is as handsome as you," said the collar, "that is occasion enough.""Don't come so near me, I beg of you!" said the garter. "You look so much like those men-folks.""I am also a fine gentleman," said the collar. "I have a bootjack and a hair-comb."But that was not true, for it was his master who had them: but he boasted."Don't come so near me," said the garter: "I am not accustomed to it.""Prude!" exclaimed the collar; and then it was taken out of the washing-tub. It was starched, hung over the back of a chair in the sunshine, and was then laid on the ironing-blanket; then came the warm box-iron. "Dear lady!" said the collar. "Dear widow-lady! I feel quite hot. I am quite changed. I begin to unfold myself. You will burn a hole in me. Oh! I offer you my hand.""Rag!" said the box-iron; and went proudly over the collar: for she fancied she was a steam-engine, that would go on the railroad and draw the waggons. "Rag!" said the box-iron.The collar was a little jagged at the edge, and so came the long scissors to cut off the jagged part. "Oh!" said the collar. "You are certainly the first opera dancer. How well you can stretch your legs out! It is the most graceful performance I have ever seen. No one can imitate you.""I know it," said the scissors."You deserve to be a baroness," said the collar. "All that I have is a fine gentleman, a boot-jack, and a hair-comb. If I only had the barony!""Do you seek my hand?" said the scissors; for she was angry; and without more ado, she CUT HIM, and then he was condemned."I shall now be obliged to ask the hair-comb. It is surprising how well you preserve your teeth, Miss," said the collar. "Have you never thought of being betrothed?""Yes, of course! you may be sure of that," said the hair-comb. "I AM betrothed--to the boot-jack!""Betrothed!" exclaimed the collar. Now there was no other to court, and so he despised it.A long time passed away, then the collar came into the rag chest at the paper mill; there was a large company of rags, the fine by themselves, and the coarse by themselves, just as it should be. They all had much to say, but the collar the most; for he was a real boaster."I have had such an immense number of sweethearts!" said the collar. "I could not be in peace! It is true, I was always a fine starched-up gentleman! I had both a boot-jack and a hair-comb, which I never used! You should have seen me then, you should have seen me when I lay down! I shall never forget MY FIRST LOVE--she was a girdle, so fine, so soft, and so charming, she threw herself into a tub of water for my sake! There was also a widow, who became glowing hot, but I left her standing till she got black again; there was also the first opera dancer, she gave me that cut which I now go with, she was so ferocious! My own hair-comb was in love with me, she lost all her teeth from the heart-ache; yes, I have lived to see much of that sort of thing; but I am extremely sorry for the garter--I mean the girdle--that went into the water-tub. I have much on my conscience, I want to become white paper!"And it became so, all the rags were turned into white paper; but the collar came to be just this very piece of white paper we here see, and on which the story is printed; and that was because it boasted so terribly afterwards of what had never happened to it. It would be well for us to beware, that we may not act in a similar manner, for we can never know if we may not, in the course of time, also come into the rag chest, and be made into white paper, and then have our whole life's history printed on it, even the most secret, and be obliged to run about and tell it ourselves, just like this collar. 襯衫領子 從前有一位漂亮的紳士；他所有的動產只是一個脫靴器和一把梳子。但他有一個世界上最好的襯衫領子。 我們現在所要聽到的就是關於這個領子的故事。 襯衫領子的年紀已經很大，足夠考慮結婚的問題。事又湊巧，他和襪帶在一塊兒混在水裏洗。 "我的天！"襯衫領子說，"我從來沒有看到過這麼苗條和細嫩、這麼迷人和溫柔的人兒。請問你尊姓大名？" "這個我可不能告訴你！"襪帶說。 "你府上在什麼地方？"襯衫領子問。 不過襪帶是非常害羞的。要回答這樣一個問題，她覺得非常困難。 "我想你是一根腰帶吧？"襯衫領子說——"一種內衣的腰帶！親愛的小姐，我可以看出，你既有用，又可以做裝飾品！" "你不應該跟我講話！"襪帶說。"我想，我沒有給你任何理由這樣做！" "咳，一個長得像你這樣美麗的人兒，"襯衫領子說，"就是足夠的理由了。" "請不要走得離我太近！"襪帶說，"你很像一個男人！" "我還是一個漂亮的紳士呢！"襯衫領子說。"我有一個脫靴器和一把梳子！" 這完全不是真話，因爲這兩件東西是屬於他的主人的。他不過是在吹牛罷了。 "請不要走得離我太近！"襪帶說，"我不習慣於這種行爲。" "這簡直是在裝腔作勢！"襯衫領子說。這時他們就從水裏被取出來，上了漿，掛在一張椅子上曬，最後就被拿到一個熨斗板上。現在一個滾熱的熨斗來了。 "太太！"襯衫領子說，"親愛的寡婦太太，我現在頗感到有些熱了。我現在變成了另外一個人；我的皺紋全沒有了。你燙穿了我的身體，噢，我要向你求婚！" "你這個老破爛！"熨斗說，同時很驕傲地在襯衫領子上走過去，因爲她想象自己是一架火車頭，拖着一長串列車，在鐵軌上馳過去"你這個老破爛！" 襯衫領子的邊緣上有些破損。因此有一把剪紙的剪刀就來把這些破損的地方剪平。 "哎喲！"襯衫領子說，"你一定是一個芭蕾舞舞蹈家！你的腿子伸得那麼直啊！我從來沒有看見過這樣美麗的姿態！世界上沒有任何人能模仿你！" "這一點我知道！"剪刀說。 "你配得上做一個伯爵夫人！"襯衫領子說。"我全部的財產是一位漂亮紳士，一個脫靴器和一把梳子。我只是希望再有一個伯爵的頭銜！" "難道他還想求婚不成？"剪刀說。她生氣起來，結結實實地把他剪了一下，弄得他一直復元不了。 "我還是向梳子求婚的好！"襯衫領子說。"親愛的姑娘！你看你把牙齒（注：即梳子齒。）保護得多麼好，這真了不起。你從來沒有想過訂婚的問題嗎？" "當然想到過，你已經知道，"梳子說，"我已經跟脫靴器訂婚了！" "訂婚了！"襯衫領子說。 現在他再也沒有求婚的機會了。因此他瞧不起愛情這種東西。 很久一段時間過去了。襯衫領子來到一個造紙廠的箱子裏。周圍是一堆爛布朋友：細緻的跟細緻的人在一起，粗魯的跟粗魯的人在一起，真是物以類聚。他們要講的事情可真多，但是襯衫領子要講的事情最多，因爲他是一個可怕的牛皮大王。 "我曾經有過一大堆情人！"襯衫領子說。"我連半點鐘的安靜都沒有！我又是一個漂亮紳士，一個上了漿的人。我既有脫靴器，又有梳子，但是我從來不用！你們應該看看我那時的樣子，看看我那時不理人的神情！我永遠也不能忘記我的初戀——那是一根腰帶。她是那麼細嫩，那麼溫柔，那麼迷人！她爲了我，自己投到一個水盆裏去！後來又有一個寡婦，她變得火熱起來，不過我沒有理她，直到她變得滿臉青黑爲止！接着來了芭蕾舞舞蹈家。她給了我一個創傷，至今還沒有好——她的脾氣真壞！我的那把梳子倒是鍾情於我，她因爲失戀把牙齒都弄得脫落了。是的，像這類的事兒，我真是一個過來人！不過那根襪帶子使我感到最難過——我的意思是說那根腰帶，她爲我跳進水盆裏去，我的良心上感到非常不安。我情願變成一張白紙！" 事實也是如此，所有的爛布都變成了白紙，而襯衫領子卻成了我們所看到的這張紙——這個故事就是在這張紙上——被印出來的。事情要這麼辦，完全是因爲他喜歡把從來沒有過的事情瞎吹一通的緣故。這一點我們必須記清楚，免得我們幹出同樣的事情，因爲我們不知道，有一天我們也會來到一個爛布箱裏，被製成白紙，在這紙上，我們全部的歷史，甚至最祕密的事情也會被印出來，結果我們就不得不像這襯衫領子一樣，到處講這個故事。 （１８４８年） 這篇故事發表於１８４８年哥本哈根出版的《新的童話》裏。它是根據現實生活寫成的，安徒生說，一位朋友和他談起一位破落的紳士。此人所有的財產只剩下一個擦鞋器和一把梳子，但是他的架子卻還放不下來，一直吹噓自己過去的"光榮"。事實上，在一個階級社會裏，沒有了財產就沒有了特權，何況襯衫領子本身已經破爛了。最後它只有"來到一個造紙廠的箱子裏。周圍是一堆破爛的朋友：細緻的跟細緻的人在一起，粗魯的跟粗魯的人在一起，真是物以類聚。""它已經成了造紙的原料了，最後變成紙，這個故事就是在這張紙上被印出來的。"這是一起含蓄的諷刺小品。
