關注社會:不用排隊 我們是印度人

I was standing in line at the McDonald's in Delhi's Vasant Vihar one day last week. It wasn't lunchtime yet so there wasn't a crowd. I stood at one of the counters, behind a woman who was being served, and waited. A minute later, two young ladies came in. As I watched, they nonchalantly came and stood in line in front of me. When I politely but firmly pointed out that I was in line, they first seemed surprised that I would have the bad manners to bring this up. Then, seeing the smoke emanating from my ears, they quickly apologized and went to stand at the back.

上週的一天，我來到德里市瓦桑比哈區(Vasant Vihar)的一家麥當勞(McDonald's)。當時不到午餐時間，店裏還沒什麼人。我站在一個櫃檯前等待，排在我前面的女士正在點餐。一分鐘後，兩位年輕的女士走進店裏。在我的眼皮底下，她們若無其事地站到我前面。當我禮貌而堅決地告訴她們我正在排隊時，她們一開始顯得很驚訝，好像倒是我提出這件事很不禮貌似的；但馬上，見我一副怒不可遏的樣子，兩人趕忙道歉，排到了我後面。

This is not the first time this has happened and I'm sure it won't be the last. In India, I've had people butt in front of me in lines at stores, banks, hospitals, and airports. OK, so I may look like a patsy but I'm sure I'm not the only one who has experienced this. Most people also drive in this same way; instead of driving in lanes, we are constantly trying to edge ahead of the car in front. Why is it that so many Indians try to jump the queue?

這已不是我第一次遭遇這樣的情況──而我也很確定這絕不會是最後一次。無論在印度的商店、銀行、醫院還是機場，我都有過排隊時遭人插隊的經歷。好吧，也許我看上去是個挺容易欺負的人，但我相信自己絕不是唯一有過這種經歷的人。大多數人也以同樣的方式開車──我們總是想搶到前一輛車的前面，而不是老老實實行駛在自己的車道里。問題是，爲什麼有這麼多印度人都在想方設法插隊呢？

We live in a hugely-populated, resource-constrained country. As a result of that, two things may be happening. One is that we've stood in so many queues during our lives, we're tired of standing in queues and we just don't want to do it anymore. The other is that we've seen that if we wait patiently in a queue, by the time our turn comes up, the item is sold out. Have you heard the saying, 'Good things come to those who wait'? Not here, you haven't. In this environment, he who hesitates is lost for sure. With 1.2 billion people eyeing the same McAloo Tikki, we can't afford to stand in line.

我們生活在一個人口龐大而資源緊張的國家，正因於此，有兩件事總有可能會發生：其一，在我們的生活中，我們已經排了不計其數的隊，我們厭倦排隊，我們只是不想再這樣排下去；其二，我們見到過，假如我們耐心排隊，在輪到我們之前，我們要買的東西就已經售罄。好事屬於那些願意等待的人──你聽說過這句話嗎？也許吧，但絕不是在這裏。在這裏，誰猶豫不決誰就將百分之百地失敗。想想看，當12億人都在盯着同一份McAloo Tikki漢堡包時，還要按順序排隊？我們可承受不起。

It could also be because our society is very hierarchical. We intrinsically believe in inequality. Thomas Friedman may have hallucinations of a flat world but ours is vertical based on money, influence, education, caste, skin color, and the list goes on. We've all had the experience of waiting in a long line and seeing someone ushered through before us; no doubt a friend of the DM, GM, or PM. 'First come, first served' has little meaning here. It's more like 'VIP come, VIP served.' If I'm more important than you, why should I stand in line behind you? My time is more precious and my needs more valid. Surely I deserve it faster, and more of it too.

這種現象可能也歸因於我們社會中很強的等級觀念──因爲我們篤信，人與人並不平等。或許托馬斯・弗裏德曼(Thomas Friedman)會幻想世界是平的，但我們的社會卻按財富、權勢、教育、地位、膚色等要素把人分作三六九等。我們都有過這樣的經歷：我們排着長長的隊等待，卻看到一些人先於我們得到服務──毫無疑問，這個人肯定是區域經理或是總經理的朋友，搞不好還是總理的朋友。“先到先得”的理論在這裏可不大好使。這裏的情況，更像是“大人物到，大人物得”。想想看，如果我比你更有權勢，憑什麼我要站在你後面排隊？我的時間更寶貴，我的需求也更有說服力，我當然應該先得──而且得到更多。

But what happens to those of us who are not VIPs, or even IPs? Maybe we are just Ps. Then the trick is to pretend we're more important than the other guys. Berkeley professor Cameron Anderson suggests that 'overconfidence provides adaptive social benefits' such as 'higher peer-perceptions of ability and elevated social status.' More simply put, in the immortal words of some modern philosopher, 'If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull─-.' If you look important, you may get away with jumping the queue most of the time.

但假如我們既不是達官貴人，也談不上有什麼權勢，而只是最普通的人，我們又該怎麼辦？有個訣竅是，讓我們看上去顯得比其他人更重要。來自加州大學伯克利分校(University of California, Berkeley)的教授卡梅隆・安德森(Cameron Anderson)表示，妄自尊大可以帶來與其相應的社會收益，比如自認爲有更強的能力才幹和更高的社會地位。借用某些當代哲學家的箴言，簡單地說就是：“如果你無法用才能說服別人，就用廢話迷惑別人吧。”假如你看上去位高權重，那麼當你插隊時，你一般都能成功。

A story I recently heard captures this well. In a busy airport, an airline check-in agent was trying to help a long queue of passengers. An important-looking man marched straight up to the counter and demanded to be served immediately because he had a flight to catch. The agent politely told him that all the people in line were waiting for the same flight so if he'd kindly stand in the queue, she'd be happy to help him. Angry, he asked her, 'Do you know who I am?!' The agent looked at him, then switched on the intercom and made an announcement: 'I have a gentleman here at the counter who does not know who he is. Could someone please help him?' This received roars of laughter from the passengers waiting in line. The man was furious and said to the agent through clenched teeth: 'F─ you!' She sweetly replied, 'You'll have to stand in line for that, too.'

我最近聽到的一個段子是個不錯的例子：在一座繁忙的機場，一位航班檢票員正在爲排成長隊的乘客提供服務。一名看上去頗有地位的男子大步流星直奔櫃檯，要求立刻爲他提供服務，因爲他要趕一趟航班。女檢票員禮貌地告訴他，所有排隊的人都在等候同一趟航班，如果他回去排隊，她將很樂意幫助他。男子聽後很惱火地問，“你知道我是誰嗎？！”檢票員看看他，隨後接通對講機，發佈了一則通告，“這邊櫃檯有一位先生，他搞不清楚自己是誰，哪位能過來幫他一下嗎？”一席話引來排隊人羣中的一陣大笑。男子惱羞成怒，咬牙切齒，嘴裏蹦出F開頭的四字經。檢票員笑着答道，“這件事，您也要排隊。”

Unfortunately, in India such egalitarian airline agents are mostly only found in joke, legend, and song. Often the self-important person gets away with it and for this, the service providers must also take the blame. I've had several experiences where store clerks have ignored the person standing in line in front of me and tried to serve me first, because I assume I looked higher up on the pecking order. I've had to again politely but firmly point out that they were in line before me.

遺憾的是，在印度，像這樣奉行平等原則的檢票員大多隻出現在玩笑、傳說和歌曲當中。多數情況下，妄自尊大的人總能獲得成功──而提供服務的人也必須爲此承擔責任。我曾在商店裏有過幾次這樣的經歷──大概因爲我看上去顯得社會地位更高，店員並未理睬排在我身前的顧客，而打算先爲我服務。我不得不再次禮貌而堅決地指出來，那些顧客排在我的前面。

Let's face it: In India, jumping the queue can indeed be a useful survival skill. However, as India's population continues to grow and resources become even more scarce, our ability to stand in a queue to await our turn whether on foot waiting for water, in a store waiting for service, or in a car waiting for the green light will not just grease the wheels of social interaction, it will allow products and services and traffic to flow more efficiently.

我們不得不承認，在印度，插隊確實可以成爲一項有用的生存技能。然而，在如今印度人口持續增長而資源越顯緊缺的情況下，如果我們都能按順序排隊等待輪到自己──無論是站着排隊接水，在商店等待服務還是在車裏等候綠燈──將不僅能讓社會互動順利進行，還能使產品、服務和交通的流動更有效率。

It could also prevent queue rage, road rage, and one day, perhaps, even riots in the street. But we'll only consider standing in line if we see that there is some value in it. We need to see VIPs doing it, consistently and proudly, and taking only what is their due at their turn. And we need to see that by doing it ourselves, we'll receive our due at our turn whether that's a place in school, a job, a hospital bed, an airline ticket, or a burger.

這種習慣也可以預防排隊和道路交通中暴躁情緒的滋生，甚或有一天，它還能讓街上的騷亂銷聲匿跡。我們會考慮自覺排隊，但只有當我們看到蘊含其中的價值時我們纔會這樣做。我們需要看到那些達官貴人只有通過排隊才能得到他們應得的東西，看到他們堅持不懈而自豪地這樣做。我們也同樣需要這樣，等待輪到自己的那一刻──無論是爲一個入學資格，一份工作，一個醫院牀位，一張機票，還是爲一個漢堡包。