我的新生活:年輕寡婦和單身母親
Snowsuit season in this house is over. And as a newly widowed mom of two young kids, all I can say is thank God. Parenting tasks that are annoying can be soul-crushing when you've recently lost your husband. The daily snowsuit battle with my two girls was one of these things, and it brought me to tears many times this winter. As soon as I got one kid in boots, the other would need help with her mitts. Then I'd turn around and kid No. 1 would be crying about said boots, while kid No. 2 flung her mitts across the room because "they feel weird!" My brain would scream, "I have to deal with this nonsense alone for the rest of my life. Alone. For the rest of my life." The insanity of my children combined with the overwhelmingness of that thought unhinged me many a winter morning.
我們家再也不會出去滑雪了。丈夫剛剛離世、我還有兩個孩子，我只能說感謝上帝！當你剛剛喪夫，惱人的育兒任務也變得令人心碎。每天和兩個女兒打雪仗就很令人心碎，而且今年冬天還惹我哭了好幾次。一旦幫一個女兒穿上靴子，另一個就要我幫她戴手套。然後我轉過頭，第一個孩子就會邊哭邊說靴子，第二個就在房間裏將手套甩來甩去，因爲"感覺手套好怪哦！"我大腦就像快爆炸般，"接下來的一生我都要單獨處理這些破事。我的後半生都要一個人啊！"孩子的無理取鬧和這種想法的侵襲讓我在許多個冬日的早晨精神恍惚。
So the act of washing and putting away those freaking things made me feel utterly joyful. But then I brought out their spring jackets, hung them up in the front hall and was punched in the face by my grief again. Staring up at me in black Sharpie ink from inside each of my daughters' little jackets were their names, written in my husband's quirky, beautiful handwriting, the same handwriting that had written me love notes, birthday cards and anniversary cards. Eventually, the girls will outgrow the jackets, and they will be passed on to friends. Yet another thing in our lives that Kevin touched will be gone.
所以不再做這些令人討厭的事情真的讓我很快樂。但之後，我拿出了她們的春秋服，把衣服掛在前廳前，又一次變得感傷……女兒小小的衣服上是丈夫用黑色三福墨寫的她們的名字， 他的字跡飛揚而好看，他也曾經給我寫過情書、生日卡片和週年卡片。終有一天，女兒們會穿不上這些衣服，把它們送給朋友。又一件凱文觸摸過的東西要在我們的生活中消失了。Kevin and I were together for almost 16 years, and married for almost 11. He struggled with addiction and mental health issues for eight years of our marriage. His struggle came to an end on August 7, 2016, when he died at home from an accidental heroin overdose. He left behind myself and our daughters, Brooklyn, five, and Piper, two. We've been stumbling along through our grief ever since.
我和凱文在一起16年，結婚近11年。婚姻中有8年時間，他一直困於吸毒和精神問題中無法自拔。2016年8月7日，他由於在家過度吸食海洛因去世，再也不受困擾了。他把我和兩個女兒（5歲的布魯克林和2歲的皮佩）留在身後。自那以後，我們都沉浸於悲傷之中……
