冷笑话英文翻译精选阅读
幽默和笑话有概念上的区别,笑话是滑稽言谈本身,幽默在这里则被作为心智和性情层面上的概念来看待。下面是本站小编带来的冷笑话英文翻译，欢迎阅读!
面试 (中英)
There was this man who was in a horrible accident，and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both of his ears. As a result of this" unusual' handicap, he was very selfconscious about his having no ears.
有个人在一次意外中受了伤，他的两只耳朵也被切除了，这也是惟一一处这次意外造成的永久性伤害。由于这种特殊的残疾，他对自己没有耳朵这件事非常地敏感。
Because of the accident，he received alarge sum of money from the insurance company. lt was always his dream to own hisown business，so he decided with all this money he had，he now had the means to own a business. So he went out and purchased a small，but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all，so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business.
因为这次意外事故，他从保险公司那里得到了一大笔钱。他总想拥有自己的公司，这下他决定用自己所有的钱开一家自己的公司。于是他买了一家很有前途的小型电脑公司。可是他意识到他根本没有做生意的学问，所以他决定雇一个人帮他管理生意。
He picked out three top candidates，and interviewed each of them.
他挑出三个候选人之后对他们每个人分别进行了面试。
The first interview went really well. He really liked this guy. His last question for this first candidate was "Do you notice anything unusual about me?"
第一个面试进行得很顺利。他也很喜欢那个人。他给面试者提出的最后一个问题是:“你有没有注意到我有什么特别的地方。”
The guy said，"Now that you mention it，you have no ears.”The man got really upset and threw the guy out.
那个人说:“既然你问到了，你没有耳朵。”他听到这个之后很伤心，然后把那个
面试者赶了出去。
The second interview went even better than the first. This candidate was much better than the first. Again，to conclude the interview，the man asked the same question again，"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" The guy also noticed，`’Yes, you have no ears.”The man was really upset again，and threw this second candidate out.
第二个面试比第一个进行得还要顺利。这个候选者要比第一个更优秀。他又一次以同样的问题来结束面试:“你有没有注意到我有什么特别的地方?”那个面试者也注意到后说:“是的，你没有耳朵。”他又一次的非常伤心，又把第二个面试者赶了出去。
Then he had the third interview. The third candidate was even better than the second，the best out of all of them. Almost certain that he wanted to hire this guy，the man once again asked，"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" The guy replied，"Yeah, you are wearing contact lenses.” Surprised，the man then asked, “Wow! That’s quite perceptive of you! How could you tell?" 'The guy answered，"Easy. You can’t wear eyeglasses. You don’t have any ears!”
这之后又进行了第三次面试。第三个面试者是三个人中最好的一个。当然，他也很想录用这个人。他又一次的问起那个问题:“你有没有注意到我有什么特别的地方?”那个人回答:“是的，你带着隐形眼镜。”他惊奇的问:“哦!你真是太厉害了，你是怎么知道的?”那个人回答:“太简单了，你不能带普通的眼镜，因为你根本没有耳朵!”
冷笑话英文翻译阅读一只袜子 (中英)
A young couple decided to wed. As the big clay approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.
一对年轻男女决定举行婚礼当那个大喜的日子临近的时候，他们变得有些忧虑。他们的问题从来没有告诉过别人，甚至是对方。
The groom-to-he, overcoming hisfear, decided to ask his father for advice.
新郎抑制着他的恐惧，决定向他的爸爸征求一下意见。
"Father,” he said，"1 am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage.”
“爸爸.”他说，“我真的对我能否有个美满的婚姻有些担心。”
His father replied，"Don’t you love this girl?"
他的爸爸问他:“你爱这个女孩吗?”
"Oh yes，very much，” he said，"but you see，I have very smelly feet，and I’m afraid that my fiancee will be put off by them.”
“当然，我非常爱她，”他说，“但是你是知道的，我的脚很臭我怕我的未婚妻会因为这个而离开我。”
"No problem，”said dad. gall you have to do is wash your feel as often as possible. and always wear socks，even to bed.” Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.
“没问题，”他爸爸说，“你需要做的就是尽可能的经常洗脚，总要穿着袜子，即使是睡觉的时候。”对于他来说这似乎是个有用的办法。
The bride-to-be，overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem u p wish her mom. “Mom，” she said，"when 1 wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful.”
新娘抑制着她的恐惧，决定向她的妈妈征求一下意见。“妈，”她说，“当我每天早上起来的时候，我嘴里的味道实在是太糟了。”
“Honey，” her mother consoled，"everyone has bad breath in the morning.”
“亲爱的，”她妈妈安慰她说，“每个人早起的时候嘴里都有味道的。”
"No, you don’t understand. My morning breath is so bad, I' m afraid that my fiance will not want to sleep in the same room with me.”
“不是，你不明白。我早上的口气实在是太难闻了我怕我的未婚夫会因为这个不和我睡在同一间房里。”
Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed，and head for the kitchen and make breakfast. While the family is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you’ve brushed your teeth.”
她的妈妈简单地说道:“试试这个办法吧。早上，起床后直接就到厨房去做些早饭。当他吃早饭的时候你就去洗手间刷牙。关键就是在你刷牙之前一个字都不能说。”
"I shouldn’t say good morning or anything`?" the daughter asked.
“我连早上好之类的话都不能说吗?”女儿问道。
"Not a word，”her mother affirmed.
“一个字也不成，”她妈妈强调到。
"Well，it' s certainly worth a try,”she thought.
她想:“这个办法倒是值得一试。”
The loving couple was finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received，he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence，they managed quite well. “That is，until about ix months later. Shortly before dawn，the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed, This, of course， wakes his bride and without thinking, she immediately asks, "What on earth are you doing?"
这对恩爱的一对终于结婚了。彼此都没有忘记父母提过的建议。他一直穿着袜子，每天早上她也一直没有说过一个字。他们做的都很好。话说大概过了半年后的一天，天刚朦朦亮，丈夫一醒来就发现有一只袜子在睡觉时掉了。害怕由此带来的后果，他就疯狂的在床上寻找。当然，这也把妻子吵醒了，妻子想都没想开口就说:“你到底在干什么?”
"Oh, my God，” he replies, "you’ve swallowed my sock!”
“噢，我的天哪!”他说，“你吃了我的袜子!”
冷笑话英文翻译学习三个修道士 (中英)
There were three pious monks. These monks were so pious，in fact，that the head abbot decided one day to reward their devotion by granting them each one day of sin，on the condition that they confess their activities to him at the end of the day.
有三个虔诚的修道士，他们非常的虔诚，以至于修道院院长决定，在他们愿意交待一天的所作所为的条件下，允许他们每个人犯一回戒，以示对他们虔诚的奖励。
So，the day come，and the three monks went off into the night to indulge in all manner of sin.
所以，当这天夜色来临的时候三个修道土就趁着夜色下山去犯戒去了。
The first monk sauntered in at 1:00 in the morning, and tried to sneak upstairs to bed. But the head abbot，who was waiting up for the three，stopped him and demanded that he relate his doings.
第一个修道士在凌晨一点的时候悄悄地回来了，他想偷偷的上楼睡觉去，但是正在等待三人的院长叫住了他，问他都干了什么。
"No, head abbot，”the first monk said，"it’s too evil for me to admit!”
“没干什么，院长”，第一个修道士说，“对于我来说那太坏了，我不能说出来!”
"'The deal was for you to tell me everything you did，otherwise you will not receive absolution!” said the abbot.
“说好的，你告诉我所有你千的事情，否则不能免你的罪!”院长说。
So the first monk agreed to tell what he did. "I-I-I drank! And I did all manner of drugs! And 1 smoked marijuana, cocaine and. . .”
第一个修道士就同意说出他干了什么。“我，我，我喝酒了!我吸了各种各样的毒品!我吸了大麻、可卡因、还有……”
"Enough!”said the head abbot，enraged. "Those are evil sins, but I promised to forgive you. Go out back，drink some Holy Water, say some prayers and you will be forgiven in the morning.”
“够了!”院长生气地说，“那些太罪过了，但是我曾许诺原谅你，回去喝一些圣水，然后祈祷，早上就会被原谅的。”
The first monk thankfully went off to follow the abbot’s instructions.
第一个修道士感激地走了，他去按照院长的指示去做了。
The second monk wandered in at 2:00 AM. "What did you do last night?" demanded the head abbot.
第二个修道士在凌晨两点的时候回来。“你昨晚做了什么?”院长问。
"I can’t say! It's much too evil!”
“我不能说!那太罪恶了!”
"The agreement was that you must tell me everything you did!”
“我们说好的，你必须告诉我!”
"Okay，”agreed the second monk." I had all kinds of meat. l had port，beef ,chicken，horse,and even a dog...”
“好吧”，第二个修道士说，“我吃了各种各样的肉。有猪肉、牛肉、鸡肉、马肉、甚至还吃了狗肉……”
Enough!” cried the head abbot. "That is a truly great sin. But I promised to give you absolution. Go out back and drink some Holy Water. “Then say some prayers and you will be forgiven in the morning.”
“够了!”院长大叫道:“那真是太罪过了。但是我曾许诺原谅你。回去喝一些圣水，然后祈祷，早上就会被原谅的。”
The second monk sauntered off to do just that.
第二个修道士按照院长所说的去做了。
And the third and final monk crawled in at 3:00 in the morning.
第三个修道士最终在凌晨三点的时候回来了。
"What ," asked the head abbot, "did you do this evening?"
院长问:“你昨晚干了什么?”
"No, head abbot, it's too great a sin to admit. I cannot tell!"
“不，院长，那太罪恶了，我不能说!”
"The agreement, monk! You must tell me!"
“修道士，别忘了我们事先说好的。你必须告诉我!”
The third monk bowed his head and nodded. "All right, head abbot. Last night I…I…"
第三个修道士低下他的头说:“好吧院长，我说，昨天晚上我，我……”
"Yes?"
“怎么样了?”
"I pissed in the Holy Water."
“我在圣水里撒了尿!”
