为何我与已婚男子同床共枕?我学到了什么?

Why I slept with a married man, and what I learned

为何我与已婚男子同床共枕？我学到了什么？

Ask any heartbroken partner from a relationship split apart due to infidelity: Affairs can be bad news. That being said, they're also hella complicated, yet often blamed on the evil "home-wrecking" woman, who surely must be out to steal someone's man and cause as much damage as possible. While indeed some women who sleep with married men end up getting feelings and wanting to have a "normal" relationship, it's not always done with cruel intentions. "The forbidden and the taboo is one of the biggest turn-ons for people. They're not trying to steal him, or take him," says Dr. Michael Aaron, a kink-friendly therapist and author of Modern Sexuality. "She's thinking that being with this guy is ideal because he's not going to want more from her because he's already is married."

如果你问任何一位由于不忠而分手的心碎之人，那么他们肯定认为婚外恋很糟糕。话虽这么说，但婚外恋也很复杂，而且人们常常会责怪“破坏家庭的”小三，小三肯定是偷走别人老公、尽可能给别人带来伤害的人。虽然的确有些女性与已婚男人发生关系后有了感情，想要和他有一段“正常的”恋情，但并非所有人都带有这种残忍意图。“这些禁忌往往会使一些人感到情趣。她们并不想把他偷走或带走，”迈克尔•安伦博士说道，她是一位反叛治疗师，也是《现代的性》一书的作者。“她认为和这样的男人在一起很理想，因为这个男人已经结婚了，因此不会想要从她身上得到更多。”

For other women, while they may feel uncomfortable about the man's marriage, their own intimacy issues draw them to someone unavailable. "You may have an individual who wants deeper intimacy, but for whatever attachment reasons, they may be afraid," explains Aaron. From enjoying no-strings-attached sex to simply falling for a friend and coworker, three women shared with Cosmopolitan why they slept with married men, and what it taught them about themselves.

对于其她女性来说，虽然她们会对男子的已婚事实感到不舒服，但她们本身的亲密问题却让她们接近了他。“可能有这样的人，她们想要关系更亲密，但不管有什么亲近理由，她们都可能会害怕，”安伦解释道。从享受无拘无束的性到简简单单的爱上朋友或同事，有三位女性接受了Cosmopolitan的采访，讲述了她们为何与已婚男子同床共枕，以及学到了什么。

Paula, 28

宝拉，28岁

I'm a former marketing communications manager turned performer and entertainer. I met 'Mr. Married' about a year and a half ago when my friend asked me to play keyboard in his new band, and the man was the bassist.

我之前是一位营销传播经理，后转行当了演员和艺人。大约一年半前，我遇见了‘已婚先生’，当时我的朋友请我去她的新乐队做键盘手，而他就是贝斯手。

I was drawn to him because he was super funny, cool, stylish, sweet, generous, kind, caring, creative, and artistic, not to mention quirky and adventurous. There was obviously chemistry, but I was a little uncomfortable at first about him being married, which continued into our relationship. He assured me that his wife was cool with it and that they had a 'don't ask don't tell' relationship. I suggested we tell her multiple times, but he wouldn't have the courage. Finally, I gave up and believed him when he said she would be ok with it.

他十分吸引我，因为他超级有趣、很酷、时髦、慷慨、善良、会照顾人、有创意、有艺术气息、是个暖男，而且还古怪、具有冒险精神。我们之间有明显的化学反应，但刚开始的时候，我对他的已婚事实感到不适，而之后我们在一起时，这种感觉也一直都在。他跟我保证他的妻子对此没有意见，他和她妻子的感情模式就是“不问不说”。我跟他提过多次，把我们的感情告诉他的妻子，但是他都没有勇气。最后，我放弃了，选择相信他说的妻子对此没意见之类的话。