談戀愛時如何像成年人一樣講道理？
Here are some handy tips on how to get out of an argument with your grace intact.
以下是一些可行的建議，幫你優雅地爭吵，還不傷感情。
1. Ask Whether The Issue Really Merits Getting Angry
1.問問自己這件事是否真的值得生氣
Most of the time, arguments happen because one person’s pride is in the way. But look at it this way: It doesn’t make sense to devote two hours to arguing about whose home city has the better pizza! Swallowing your pride is an option.
大多數時候發生爭吵都是因爲一個人的自尊心在作祟。但你可以從這個角度考慮：花兩個小時爭論誰家鄉的披薩更好吃一點意義都沒有！你可以選擇收起你的驕傲。
2. Postpone The Argument If Necessary
2.如果有必要就稍後再吵
When you feel yourself getting irate, stop and ask yourself if you can put off this discussion. If you’ve just got back from an exhausting day at the office, or are tired or hungry, try and put off your disagreement.
你感覺自己生氣時就停下來問問自己是否能稍後再討論，如果你剛從辦公室回來筋疲力盡、或者累了餓了，儘量先擱置爭議。
3. Don’t Hit Below The Belt
3.不要惡語傷人
It’s tempting to bring up old arguments or issues in the relationship when you want to score points. But don’t do it. Keep your focus on the immediate issue, don’t expand the arena of the fight, and this will prevent the disagreement from going into any dark places.
爭吵中想要佔據上風很容易重提戀愛中陳芝麻爛穀子的事，但千萬不要那樣做。以目前的情況爲主，不要擴大爭論話題的範圍就能避免爭吵一發不可收拾。
4. Don't Gaslight Your Partner
不要對你的戀人煽風點火
Just like yours are, your partner’s feelings are valid, no matter what they are. If your partner is experiencing a strong emotional reaction to something you’re saying, there’s probably a reason for it. Asking questions without jumping to conclusions is always a wise choice.
無論當時情緒怎樣，但你愛人的情緒和你一樣都是正常的。如果你的愛人對你說的話反應過於強烈，可能是有原因的。問對方一些問題而不妄下結論是明智的選擇。
Here are some examples of good statements to make to your partner:
下面是一些跟對方好好說話的例子：
“I want to understand why you say that.”
“我想知道你爲什麼那樣說。”
“What do you think the problem is?”
“你認爲問題是什麼？”
5. Don't Get Too Loud Or Aggressive
5.聲音不要太大，不要有攻擊性
No matter how strongly you feel about what you’re saying, watch the tone of your voice. Ensuring you are patient and calm will help her stay calm as well. If she does point out that you’re yelling, lower your tone of voice immediately and apologize.
無論你說話時多激動，都要注意自己的語調。確保自己有耐心並且冷靜也能幫助她保持冷靜。如果她說你在喊了，你要馬上降低音量跟她道歉。
6. End The Argument With An Affirmation
6.結束爭論不拖泥帶水
Maybe your views on religion are never going to align. That’s accepted. After all, this is still the person you love and respect. When the arguments over, let it stay dead. You can continue your loving relationship without wasting time being mad at each other.
可能你們關於宗教的看法從未統一，但也沒關係，畢竟這仍然是你深愛並尊重的人。爭論結束以後就不要再重燃戰火，你們可以繼續戀愛，不要把時間浪費在跟對方生氣上。
（翻譯：菲菲）
