Quora精選：愛上一個自戀的人，怎麼辦？

What should I do when I am emotionally attached to a narcissist?

愛上一個自戀的人該怎麼辦？

獲得27.6k好評的回答@ Elinor Greenberg：

Imagine that you brought home an adorable new dog. In the beginning he seems perfect—handsome, affectionate, and well-behaved. Then one day you go to pick up his food bowl, and he bites you. You remember hearing that dogs can be territorial about their food, so you decide to chalk up that bite to your ignorance. From now on you will be more careful about suddenly invading his space. Cut to six months later. Your dog’s territory keeps expanding and there are fewer and fewer zones left for you.

想象你帶回家一隻新的可愛的小狗，最初他很完美——漂亮、跟你很親熱、表現很好。後來有一天你拿他裝食物的碗時他咬了你。你記得聽說過狗會護食，所以你決定要把他咬你的這一口歸咎於自己的疏忽。從今以後你更加小心不能突然佔了他的地盤。六個月以後，狗的地盤一再擴大，留給你的空間越來越小。

Now, would you keep this dog? If not, how would you handle your emotional attachment? Here are some suggestions. When you start missing your Narcissist:

現在你還留着這條狗嗎？如果不留，怎樣才能控制自己的喜歡呢？以下是幾條建議，當你開始想念一個自戀的人的時候，你可以：

Remember all the pain he/she inflicted on you.

想想所有他/她帶給你的痛苦。

Take a deep, cleansing breath and savor your freedom.

深呼吸，淨化思想，盡情享受自由。

Reclaim all the things that you gave up to satisfy your Narcissistic lover.

重拾所有爲了滿足你所愛的自戀者而放棄的東西。

Sum up what you have learned from this experience.

總結這段經歷中你學到了什麼。

Apply what you have learned and look for a new, non-Narcissistic lover.

運用你所學到的一切找一個新的不自戀的愛人。

Remind yourself that you became emotionally attached to a delightful fantasy. The real person was the one who kept hurting you.

提醒自己你迷上的是愉快的幻想，而那個人則一直在傷害你。

Punchline: There are many charming, attractive people who are better admired at a distance. When we take them home, they take over. Better a bit of emotional pain now, than a lifetime of it.

結束語：有很多迷人的、有魅力的人只能遠遠地欣賞，帶回家後他們就會掌控一切。長痛不如短痛。

獲得124好評的回答@ Sheeba Bhaskaran：

I think you know the answer. A narcissist is busy with his own self. It's just that you are trying to cling on to that person whereas you very well know that he is not capable of satisfying you emotionally. So pls take a reality check and come out of it. Relationships are all about give and take and it starts becoming a pain when it is a one way drive.

我覺着你知道答案。自戀的人總是忙於自己的事。只是你在努力不願意放棄那個人，雖然你深知他不能滿足你的精神需求。所以請你接受現實，從這段關係中走出來。戀愛應該是付出和索取並存，當付出變成單向時痛苦就開始了。

Respect yourself, take a call and move on. Don’t invest your time and energy on some unrealistic thought.

要尊重你自己，在這段感情中謝幕並繼續自己的生活。不要把時間和精力投入到不現實的想法上。

And sorry to say this but the other person is being what he is but you are being an emotional fool. Wake up girl.

很抱歉說這些，但對方就是那樣的人，你就是戀愛中的傻子，醒醒吧姑娘。

獲得164好評的回答@ Lisa：

Run. Run like the wind. A relationship with a narcissist is NOT a relationship! You are an object of convenience to the narcissist. Not a PARTNER. Carefully and privately plan your escape. Or decline to have a life of your own.

跑開，像風一樣跑開。和自戀者的戀愛根本就不算戀愛！你只是爲自戀者提供便利的人，而不是戀人。小心祕密地計劃你的離開，否則你就沒法擁有自己的生活。

That's pretty much the whole of it. If you are truly with a narcissist, the end will be loss of self. The sooner you get into therapy, the better. Or just get out and then find out why you were vulnerable to such a person. I always recommend therapy. But if you can't do that… read a LOT about it before you get into another relationship.

差不多就是這樣，如果你真的跟一個自戀者在一起，結局就是失去自我。你越早開始心理治療越好，或者只是走出這段感情，弄明白爲什麼你會受到這個人的傷害。我總是建議治療，但如果你做不到…在開始另外一段感情之前多讀些相關的東西。

It will be hard. But YOU can do hard things….!

這很難，但你能克服！

（翻譯：菲菲）