情緒一點就炸：被拒絕之前，我先拒絕你

每一個人或多或少都有自己的“情緒按鈕”，就像雷區一樣，一旦觸碰，就會暴跳如雷。

有些人建立很多情緒按鈕，也許只是爲了保護自己。他們的內心深處，仍然渴望親密，但過多的情緒按鈕難以維持一段長久健康的關係，常常使自己陷入孤獨。

What are the emotional hot buttons that lead you to overreact? Is there a certain way that people look at you, talk to you, or act in general that leads you to explode in anger or sadness? You can't explain why, but you know when this happens you feel your self-control slipping away.

你對能激起自己過度反應的情緒按鈕有所瞭解嗎？你會僅僅因爲某些日常小事（他人的看法、言論或舉止）就忽然生氣或難過嗎？你無法解釋其中緣由，但是你知道自己無法控制這種情緒。

Everyone faces a situation when people take a poke at an emotionally sensitive spot in your psyche. For some individuals, though, those hot buttons are more prevalent and problematic than for others. They see criticism everywhere and, by their overreaction, make things worse.

每個人都會被別人戳到情緒敏感點。對於某些人來說，他們的情緒按鈕比其他人更多，問題也更多。他們感覺批評無處不在，而他們的過度反應，會讓事態更糟糕。

This quality is called "rejection sensitivity" and involves the constant expectation that other people will not accept you.

這種特點被稱爲“拒絕敏感性”。他們會持續認爲他人不會接納自己。

Long Island University's Kevin Meehan and colleagues, in a new study, note that individuals high in this quality feel "sureness that rejection will be the likely outcome of an interpersonal exchange", and therefore "are often bracing themselves for signs of impending rejection".

長島大學的Kevin Meehan及其同事在一項新的研究中指出，這種對拒絕高度敏感的人“確信人際交流很可能被拒絕”，因此“通常會做好了拒絕的準備”。

Once someone hits that hot button, "the person may exhibit desperate and often maladaptive responses to either shore up the perceived distance… escape the threatening context… or even retaliate against the perceived aggression".

一旦有人觸碰情緒按鈕，“他可能會很絕望，經常表現出難以適應，要麼增加距離、逃避威脅，要麼甚至可能報復他所感受到的這種攻擊性”。

Now a vicious cycle is set in motion, and what they fear would happen in fact takes place. The individual avoids relationships altogether while still longing for closeness, an "irresolvable tension".

那麼，一個惡性循環開始了，他們擔心的事情發生了。他們避免和別人在一起，但仍然渴望親密，進而造成了一種“無法解決的緊張局勢”。

However, the cycle can be broken if something about the situation changes. Maybe your interaction partner approaches you in a positive way even though you've been reticent. The entire dynamic now shifts.

但是，如果某些因素髮生變化，這種惡性循環是可以被打破的。即使你保持沉默，你的小夥伴也可能會以一種積極的方式接近你。整個動態都在變化。

It's because of the interactive effect of person and situation that Meehan and his fellow researchers decided to adopt a model based on "interpersonal complementarity".

正是由於人和情境的互動效果，Meehan和他的研究人員決定採用一種基於“人際互補性”的模型。

The research team gives you a smartphone app which they can use to ping you at various points during the day. You provide a quick and immediate snap rating of your emotions, while at the same time indicating what else is happening around you.

研究團隊會爲你提供一個智能手機應用程序。研究員可以通過這個程序在白天的不同時間點通知你。你可以快速迅捷地對你當下的情緒進行評級，並表明周圍發生了些什麼。

The authors tested their method initially on a sample of 228 undergraduate students, producing findings that supported the interactive pattern between rejection sensitivity and ongoing interactions.

他們最初使用了228名本科生的樣本，來測試他們的方法。測試支持拒絕敏感性和持續交互之間的互動模式。

People high in rejection sensitivity presented themselves as cold and submissive and reticent toward approaching others, even if that person was acting warmly.

對拒絕敏感度高的人在接觸別人的時候會表現出冷漠、順從和沉默，即使對方表現得十分熱情。

Having established this basic pattern in a large-scale study, the authors next took advantage of the more in-depth understanding provided by a case study approach, using a single participant to provide all the data.

在大範圍研究中確立了這種基本模式之後，研究員們接下來利用了個案研究法進行更深入的探究，用單個參與者提供所有數據。

Their participant, "Mary", was a young Latina college student who had scored high on rejection sensitivity, but didn't show any signs of personality pathology.

他們的參與者“瑪麗”是一位年輕的拉丁裔大學生。她對拒絕非常敏感，但沒有表現出任何人格病理跡象。

Mary used the smartphone app to rate her interactions lasting at least five minutes, at least three times a day, for seven days.

瑪麗使用智能手機應用程序評估她的互動情況，至少持續五分鐘，每天至少三次，持續七天。

She described whom the interaction was with, and then rated the other person on a grid containing the two axes of dominant to submissive, and cold to warm.

她描述了互動的對象，然後將互動對象放在一個網格（其中包含兩個座標軸：從主導到順從、從冷到暖）上。

She also rated herself on that exact same grid. The authors then divided up the 28 events she recorded on the basis of who Mary was interacting with at the moment of her ratings and whether these people were close to her or not.

她還將在完全相同的網格上爲自己評分。然後，研究員們將她記錄的28個事件進行了分類。這28個事件是根據瑪麗在與誰進行互動，以及這些人是否與她親近。

From the in-depth analysis that Meehan and his colleagues provided of Mary's experiential ratings, it was clear that with the people she cared about, her rejection sensitivity led her to be unable to express her own needs and desires.

根據Meehan和同事對瑪麗試驗評級所進行的深入分析，可以看出，她對拒絕的高度敏感性導致她無法向她所關心的人們表達自己的需求和願望。

If those people actively expressed their own needs and desires, Mary's withdrawal, in turn, suggested to them that she didn't care about them.

如果這些人積極表達自己的需求和願望，瑪麗的退縮會讓他們覺得她並不關心他們。

To sum up, this research shows how your own hot buttons might be causing the very relationship problems you dread.

總之，這項研究表明你自己的情緒按鈕可能會導致你所擔憂的那些關係問題。

Whether you feel threatened by rejection or by other negative consequences in your relationships, knowing that your perceptions may be distorted by your fears can help you overcome these important obstacles to your fulfillment.

無論你是否感到被拒絕或其它負面後果的威脅，明白你的看法可能會被你的恐懼所扭曲這一點，可以幫助你克服這些明顯障礙，以實現你的目標。