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趣談伊朗和美國婚俗差異

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Marriage in Iran and America: A Study in Contrasts

伊朗和美國的婚俗:一項對比研究

Though marriage is practiced in almost all countries of the world, the customs are quite different from one culture to another. It is interesting for me to compare the customs of marriage in the United States with those in my country.

雖然幾乎全世界所有國家的人民習慣上都操辦婚事,但結婚的風俗具有某一種文化觀念的國家同另外一些文化觀念的國家卻完全不同。讓我來比較一下美國的婚俗跟我的祖國伊朗的婚俗是很有趣的。

趣談伊朗和美國婚俗差異

I've lived in the U.S. for four years now, but I'm still not comfortable with the customs here. In fact, what seems strange to me is that courting or dating is not always for the purpose of finding a husband or wife. Some people seem to do it as a hobby.

雖然到現在爲止我已經在美國生活四年了,但我對這裏的風俗仍然感到不習慣。事實上,令我感到不可思議的事情就是在美國求愛和約會異性的目的並不總是爲了要找到丈夫或老婆。我覺得有些美國人把求愛和約會異性當成了一種嗜好。

Here in the United States, I have noticed that courting is begun by the young couple themselves, and they seem to have a lot of freedom to decide and do what they want. Both young men and women date a number of different people. They do it without the knowledge or help or their parents. In fact, I have known several friends who got married without even telling their parents or other family members.

在美國,談戀愛是由一對一對的年青人自由自主開始進行的。我的思想上覺得美國青年人在決定或者做他們想做的事情方面有很大的自由。青年男女雙方都跟爲數衆多的異性約會過。他們跟異性約會時,他們的父母連知道都不知道,也插不上手來幫幫忙。事實上,我認識好幾個美國朋友,他們在結婚時,甚至連自己的父母或家中其他的人都沒有告訴。

At the actual wedding ceremony, the father of the bride symbolically gives his daughter to the groom. It's only a custom, I think, because the bride and groom already know each other quit well. The bride and groom stand together in front of the religious leader or government official to be married. The official reads from a short prepared speech and then asks both the man and woman if they are willing to be married to the other. If they both say "yes," and nobody attending the wedding stands up to object, they are declared "man and wife." It is interesting that the two families are asked if there are any objections right during the ceremony. Perhaps it is because the family members are not as involved in the wedding preparations as they are in Iran.

在真正舉行婚禮時,新娘的父親才象徵性地做做樣子把他的女兒交給新郎。我認爲,這樣做只是按風俗習慣辦事而已,因爲新娘和新郎互相間早已經很瞭解了。新娘和新郎一起站在宗教領袖或政府官員面前被宣佈正式結婚。這位政府官員在宣讀了一篇現成的簡短演講詞以後就會問當事人的男女雙方,他們是否願意同對方成親。 如果他們二人都回答"願意",然後參加婚禮的人中又沒有人站起來反對他們結婚,那麼他們就被宣佈爲"正式夫妻"了。就在舉行婚禮的過程中,要徵詢雙方的家人,有沒有反對這兩人結婚的意見,這實在太滑稽有趣了。也許這樣做是因爲這兩家的家庭成員都不像在我們伊朗那樣要參與婚禮的籌備工作的緣故吧。

Marriage is different in a number of ways in my country. In Iran, courting is more serious, and is performed strictly for the purpose of marriage. It is definitely not a part of the fun-filled years of growing up like it is here in America. It is the mother of the young man who initiates the process by visiting the home of a potential bride. She goes to inspect the girl, and discover the position and wealth of the girl's family. If she is pleased, then she will return another day with her son. If her son is also pleased, then the two families get together to talk about the dowry, the wedding ceremony, who they will hire to perform the marriage and other matters.

操辦婚事在我的祖國有很多做法都是跟美國不同的。在伊朗,提親要更加嚴肅。提親的目的很嚴格就是要成親結婚。絕對不像美國這裏,提親談情說愛成了成年以後玩樂年代生活的一部分。正是那位男青年的母親前去拜訪準新娘的家,由這就開始了談婚論嫁的全過程。她去相看一下那位姑娘,並且還要查看姑娘家的地位權勢和家庭財產。如果她對這件事滿意了,那麼改天她會帶上她兒子再來。如果她兒子對這檔婚事也滿意,那麼這兩家人就聚集到一起來談嫁妝問題,談婚禮問題。談他們將聘請誰來擔任結婚典禮的司儀,還談其他別的一些事情。The actual marriage ceremony is quite different, however, from the American wedding ceremonies I have seen. The bride, dressed in white, with a veil over her face, sits in a room alone. She sits on a special piece of silk which is surrounded on two sides by very long pieces of flat bread. Two mullahs stand outside the door to this room reading from the Koran. Twice the bride must remain silent to the questions of the mullahs. The groom's mother then presents a gift of gold to show that her side of the family is serious. The bride then responds to the mullahs in much the same manner as do Americans when they say "I do." The groom is allowed to go into the bride's room while the mullahs take care of the official marriage papers.

但,真正的伊朗人的結婚典禮跟我所見過的幾次美國人的婚禮就完全不同了。新娘身穿一身白色,臉上罩着面紗,一個人獨自坐在一個房間裏。她坐在一塊特製的絲綢上面,絲綢的兩邊圍着很長的扁平的麪包。兩位毛拉站在新娘獨坐的那間房子的門外朗讀《古蘭經》。新娘必須對毛拉頭兩次提出的問題保持沉默。這時新郎的母親要贈給新娘一件金制的禮品以表明她家這一方是嚴肅誠懇的。然後新娘這纔回答毛拉的提問,有和美國新娘一樣的方式回答說:"我願意嫁給他。"在毛拉負責驗證官方頒發的結婚證之後,這才允許新郎進入新娘的房間。

One more difference between the marriage customs of the United States and my country is that the bride does not immediately go to the home of her new husband. For several months, she continues to stay at her own home preparing her dowry and receiving instructions from her mother on how to be a good wife and mother. After a few moths, the groom and his relatives come for the bride and take her to his home along with the dowry.

我的祖國與美國在婚俗上還有一點不同,那就是新娘並不立即就到她的新婚的丈夫家去。婚禮以後的最初幾個月,她要繼續住在自己的孃家,以便準備嫁妝,以便接受母親關於怎樣做一個賢妻良母的培訓和教誨。過了兩三個月以後,新娘及他的親屬們前來接新娘,把她和她的嫁妝一起帶回丈夫家。

Though I can certainly see the advantages of the freedom that freedom that is given to American youths to choose whom they will marry and when, I think I still prefer the customs of my home country. I suppose that's be cause there is not so much guessing and uncertainty.

儘管我肯定能看到給予美國年青人以選擇同誰結婚和什麼時候結婚的自由,這的確有一些好處;但是,我想我還是寧願採取我的祖國的婚姻習俗。我想,這可能是因爲伊朗人的做法沒有那麼多猜測和不知根不知底細的因素。