情感美文：婚姻生活中的八個真諦

摘錄：每對夫妻都會說離婚，但大部分都不會離。然而當說的次數到達一定數量後，離婚就會變成真的了。

biggest threat to a marriage is not death or poverty, it is the daily trivial matters.

經得起貧窮和生死考驗的愛情，往往會輸給平淡的流年。

Think about Jack and Rose in the film Titanic, no one could doubt their true love. I still clearly remember those scenes which touched me. It was Jack who saved Rose's life with his own life, making the love last forever. Imaging that both of them survived, they went onto a marriage, the ending may not be that “loving”。 The biggest threat to a marriage is not death or poverty, it is the daily trivial matters.

ng a marriage on “love” ONLY may carry many risks.

婚姻不能光靠感情維繫，應該有多種元素去平衡。

As an adult I have to say that many of us may not just love one person in our entire lifetime. Before marriage, we might have loved someone else, which is not uncommon. After marriage, it is also possible to be attracted by someone other than your spouse. Basing a marriage on “love” ONLY may carry many risks. From my point of view, a good marriage contains the following elements: love, responsibility, understanding, effective listening, patience, appreciation, common interests, care, kindness, trust, fairness and so on.

s on changing ourselves rather than others, u will find peace in your marriage.

對方是無法改變的，至少無法改變到你滿意的狀態。

Many of us try very hard to change others, even we clearly know that it is not necessary and it is impossible. Sometimes we give up but soon we will pick the bad habit up again. It is why we argue from time to time (not just with our partner, but with someone else)。 If we could truly accept the above statement, and focus on changing ourselves rather than others, you will find peace in your marriage. If you can successfuly change yourself, then your partner will notice that with appreciation and he/she may rethink what he/she has to change, then things are going to be better. It is a positive cycle. If you failed to change yourself, what could you expect others do?

you have some secrets, then accept the truth that your partner has his/hers.

你總有不願讓對方知道的隱私，那就接受對方也有事瞞着你的事實。

I have always believed that everyone has some secrets that would last for a lifetime. If you have yours, then please accept the truth that your partner has his/hers. It is not a smart idea to expose everything under the sun. Stop peeking his/her record of chatting, his/her messages. Don't be so curious about his/her locked draws and dairies. The rule of respecting other's privacy applies on your partner too.

the number of stating “divorce” reaches a critical level, a divorce may become inevitable.

每對夫妻都會說離婚，但大部分都不會離。然而當說的次數到達一定數量後，離婚就會變成真的了。

According to a research, that on average each couple has stated “divorce” many times throughout their marriage, while most of them still live together today. However, when the number reaches a critical level, a divorce may become inevitable. Thus, if you don't really mean that, or it is not your final decision yet after a rational consideration, please don't repeat that. It could bring nothing else but worries, pains and possible disasters.

cannot compromise your spouse's small bad habit as you have wished.

細節決定婚姻長短——婚前的小摩擦，會變成婚後的大問題。

Before marriage, you may think that you are able to compromise on your spouse's small bad habit, like throwing the socks everywhere, taking bath three times a day, or being on QQ or MSN the whole night and day, or getting up at noon each day etc. However, you may find out that actually you cannot compromise them as you have wished, and eventually you will not be able to accept these.

and marriage are linked but it does not mean love must result in a marriage.

婚姻必定需要感情作爲奠基，而感情，卻未必需要婚姻作爲結局。

A good marriage must be established on the basis of love. Some kind of love feelings may not end up in a marriage. So please realize that love and marriage are linked but it does not mean love must result in a marriage. Love is a kind of chemical reaction and emotional reflection, while marriage is more technical and needs skills. In a word, the biggest difference between love and marriage is the RESPONSIBILITY!

time goes, responsibility becomes the major factor.

時間越長，你越會發現，相比當初的激情，原來婚姻中起決定因素的，是責任二字。

The last but not least: let's talk about RESPONSIBILITY. As time goes, you will find out that comparing with the enthusiasm at the very beginning of your relationship, responsibility becomes the major factor. Women also need to take responsibilities as men do because a marriage is a union of two. What you ask for from the other party is what you should also do for the other in return.

Now you may get some ideas about what a marriage entails. All I can say is that a good marriage would double your happiness, lead you to a positive future. You could have someone to rely on; to talk with; to share your laughs; listen to your complaints… Certainly, marriage is not a fairy tale, it has some “cruel” facts and it needs our wisdom and compromise.