經典科幻文學:《宇宙盡頭的餐館》第17章4

“I think I’ll just have a green salad,” he muttered.
“May I urge you to consider my liver?” asked the animal, “it must be very rich and tender by now, I’ve been force-feeding myself for months.”
“A green salad,” said Arthur emphatically.
“A green salad?” said the animal, rolling his eyes disapprovingly at Arthur.
“Are you going to tell me,” said Arthur, “that I shouldn’t have green salad?”
“Well,” said the animal, “I know many vegetables that are very clear on that point. Which is why it was eventually decided to cut through the whole tangled problem and breed an animal that actually wanted to be eaten and was capable of saying so clearly and distinctly. And here I am.”
It managed a very slight bow.
“Glass of water please,” said Arthur.
“Look,” said Zaphod, “we want to eat, we don’t want to make a meal of the issues. Four rare steaks please, and hurry. We haven’t eaten in five hundred and seventy-six thousand million years.”
The animal staggered to its feet. It gave a mellow gurgle.
“A very wise choice, sir, if I may say so. Very good,” it said, “I’ll just nip off and shoot myself.”
He turned and gave a friendly wink to Arthur.
“Don’t worry, sir,” he said, “I’ll be very humane.”
It waddled unhurriedly off into the kitchen.
A matter of minutes later the waiter arrived with four huge steaming steaks. Zaphod and Ford wolfed straight into them without a second’s hesitation. Trillian paused, then shrugged and started into hers.
Arthur stared at his feeling slightly ill.
“Hey, Earthman,” said Zaphod with a malicious grin on the face that wasn’t stuffing itself, “what’s eating you?”
And the band played on.
All around the Restaurant people and things relaxed and chatted. The air was filled with talk of this and that, and with the mingled scents of exotic plants, extravagant foods and insidious wines. For an infinite number of miles in every direction the universal cataclysm was gathering to a stupefying climax. Glancing at his watch, Max returned to the stage with a flourish.

“我想我還是隻點一份蔬菜沙拉好了。”他口中嘟噥到。
“我能請你考慮一下我的肝嗎？”這動物說，“在現在這個階段，它肯定營養豐富，而且非常嫩。我強迫自己超量進食已經好幾十年了。”
“一份蔬菜沙拉！”阿瑟強讕說，
“一份蔬菜沙拉？”這動物問，一邊轉動着它的眼睛，不以爲然地盯着阿瑟。
“難道你要告訴我，”阿瑟說，‘我不應該吃蔬菜嗎？”
“哦，”這動物說，“我知道許多蔬菜確實不喜歡被人食，這些糾纏不清的問題，除非心甘情願。先生，我就在這兒。”
它微微欠身，鞠了個躬。
“請給我來杯水。”阿瑟說。
‘你瞧，”贊福德說，“我們想吃東西，不想老在這裏討論點菜的事。請給我們來四份嫩內排，要快。我們已經有五十七萬個百萬年沒有吃東西了。”
這動物搖搖晃晃地站起來，發出甜蟹的哼哼聲。
“非常明智的選擇。先生，如果我可以這樣說的話。非常棒。”它說，“我趕快退下去，把我自己給射殺掉。”
它轉過身，友善地衝時瑟眨了眨眼腈，
“別擔心，先生，”它說，“會很地道的。”
它搖搖擺擺，不慌不忙地朝廚房走去。
幾分鐘過後，侍者端上來四份還冒着熱氣的巨大肉排。贊福諧和福特絲毫役有猶豫，徑自狼吞虎嚥地吃了起來。崔葡思愣了一下，然後聳聳肩，也開始吃起來。
阿瑟盯着自己那份，感到有點兒噁心。
“嘿！地球人，”贊福德說，“你怎麼回事？舌頭被人吃了？”
樂隊繼續演奏。
整個餐館內，人們都放鬆了，聊着天；空氣裏充斥着這樣那樣的談論，飄着由奇異的植物、奢侈的食物以及誘人的葡萄酒混合而成的氣味。在無限延伸的每一個方向上，宇宙大災難愈演愈烈，終於達到了高潮。馬克斯瞟一眼手錶，然後手舞足蹈地回到舞臺。