經典科幻文學:《宇宙盡頭的餐館》第23章3

“Turn around slowly,” barked the voice, “and put your hands up. Any other move and I blast you into tiny tiny bits.”
“Hello?” said Ford, turning round slowly, putting his hands up and not making any other move.
“Why,” said Arthur Dent, “isn’t anyone ever pleased to see us?”
Standing silhouetted in the doorway through which they had entered the vault was the man who wasn’t pleased to see them. His displeasure was communicated partly by the barking hectoring quality of his voice and partly by the viciousness with which he waved a long silver Kill-O-Zap gun at them. The designer of the gun had clearly not been instructed to beat about the bush. “Make it evil,” he’d been told. “Make it totally clear that this gun has a right end and a wrong end. Make it totally clear to anyone standing at the wrong end that things are going badly for them. If that means sticking all sort of spikes and prongs and blackened bits all over it then so be it. This is not a gun for hanging over the fireplace or sticking in the umbrella stand, it is a gun for going out and making people miserable with.”
Ford and Arthur looked at the gun unhappily.
The man with the gun moved from the door and circled round them. As he came into the light they could see his black and gold uniform on which the buttons were so highly polished that they shone with an intensity that would have made an approaching motorist flash his lights in annoyance.
He gestured at the door.
“Out,” he said. People who can supply that amount of fire power don’t need to supply verbs as well. Ford and Arthur went out, closely followed by the wrong end of the Kill-O-Zap gun and the buttons.
Turning into the corridor they were jostled by twenty-four oncoming joggers, now showered and changed, who swept on past them into the vault. Arthur turned to watch them in confusion.
“Move!” screamed their captor.
Arthur moved.
Ford shrugged and moved.
In the vault the joggers went to twenty-four empty sarcophagi along the side wall, opened them, climbed in, and fell into twenty-four dreamless sleeps.

”慢慢地轉過身來，”這聲音大聲命令道，“舉起雙手。只要你敢亂動一下，當心我把你轟成碎片，”
“喂？”福特一邊說，一邊慢慢轉過身來，舉起雙手，然後再沒有其他動作了。
“爲什麼，”阿瑟·鄧特說，”會有人不樂意看見我們呢，”
這個不樂意看見他們的人站在他們進人這間地窖的那扇門邊，只看得出一個輪廓。他的不樂意，一部分是通過大喊大叫的威脅傳達出來的他們揮舞一枝長長的銀色蒸發轟擊槍來傳達的這種槍的設計者顯然接到了指令，要儘可能認真對待這件工作。“要把它造得邪惡，”他被這樣告知，“正確的一端和錯誤的一端要能夠清清楚楚地分辨出來。要讓站在錯誤一端的任何人清清楚楚地明白，即將發生在他們身上的事是多麼糟糕。如果這意味着要在它上面裝上釘子、尖刺和暗黑色的小零件，那就裝吧：這不是一把拿來掛在壁爐上方或者插在傘架裏的槍，這是一把拿出去讓人慘不可言的槍。”
福特和阿瑟盯着這把槍，當然快活不起來。
拿着這把槍的那個人從門邊走過來，開始圍着他們轉圈。當他走到燈光下時，他們這纔看清了他穿着黑色和金色相配的制服，上面的鈕釦打磨得如此光滑，以至它們閃耀的亮度足以使一個正在駛近的駕車者惱火地大閃前燈以示抗議。
他朝門口比了個手勢。
“外面。”他說。對於這樣一個能爆發出如此猛烈火力的人來說，根本不需要使用任何動詞。福特和阿瑟走了出去，身後緊跟着蒸發轟擊槍錯誤的一端和那些鈕釦。
剛返回走廊，他們就被二十四個迎面而來的慢跑者推操了一番。這些傢伙這會兒已經洗過澡，換過了衣服，慢跑者衝過他們身邊，進入地窖。阿瑟回過頭，困惑不解地望着他們。
“走！”他們的抓捕者叫道。
阿瑟只好繼續前進。
福特聳了聳肩，朝前走去。
地窖裏，那些慢跑鍛鍊的傢伙來到牆邊的二十四具空石棺前，打開蓋子，爬進去，開始了二十四個無夢的睡眠。