來振興大東部並大撈一筆吧 自由人們
Dear NBA free agents, I hope this letter finds you well — all of you, from Gordon Hayward and Kyle Lowry, to Ramon Sessions and K.J. McDaniels. And considering we live in a world where Jrue Holiday just signed a $126 million contract, I'm sure you're feeling positive about your choice of profession right now.
親愛的自由球員們，願你們所有人見信安好，不論戈登-海沃德、凱爾-洛瑞，還是拉蒙-賽森斯、K.J.麥克丹尼爾斯。這是個朱-霍樂迪都能拿到1.26億美金的世界，我相信你們一定也都能感到選擇職業籃球的前途一片光明。You get to pick which team will give you a large sum of money to play basketball, and I'm here to tell you why you should pick a team from the Eastern Conference.
當你還在考慮去哪隊打球才能賺大把的鈔票時，聽我的，來東部吧。As you know, the Eastern Conference is trash. It has been for many years — the only time this millennium the East went over .500 head-to-head with the West was in 2008–09. The top seed in the East hasn't had a better record than the West's top seed since the year before LeBron left the Heat.
衆所周知，這些年東部聯盟奇爛無比，本世紀唯一一次能和西部血戰，勝負難料的時代也已經是2008-2009賽季的事兒了。自從勒布朗離開熱火，東部頭名的戰績就一直不如西部榜首。
The worst team in the league has been in the East five of the past seven years. The West hasn't had a sub-.500 playoff team since the 1997 Clippers snuck in at 36–46, while the East has had 12 sub-.500 playoff teams since then.
反而七年來有五次的聯盟副班長卻產自東部。1997年快船以36勝46負的戰績擠進前八之後，西部再也沒有勝率低於50%的球隊進入季後賽，而東部已經有12支了。And this year, the East was as bad as it's ever been. The Celtics were the “best team” despite winning just 53 games and having a historically low point differential for a top seed, and they still couldn't compete with the Cavs. There was one good team and a lot of chaff.
今年的東部爛的更加徹底了，凱爾特人僅53勝的戰績竟爲東部最佳，這可是歷史上分區頭名的最差戰績，而且最終他們依然無法和騎士相抗衡。東部就是一支強隊和一羣魚腩的故事。The opening salvos of the NBA offseason have made it even weaker. Indiana and Chicago traded away their All-Stars, Paul George and Jimmy Butler, to Western Conference teams for pennies on the dollar.
NBA休賽期的政策讓這一切愈發嚴重。印第安納和芝加哥同時把他們的全明星球員保羅-喬治和吉米-巴特勒送到了西部，卻只換回了可憐的籌碼。There was talk of both players joining the Celtics or the Cavaliers. Danny Ainge was a suitor for both players, but couldn't pull the trigger on either, holding on to future assets instead.
有消息說，這兩名球員都傳出過加盟凱爾特人和克利夫蘭的消息。丹尼-安吉的確對他倆都很感興趣，但卻手握一堆籌碼遲遲不肯出手。Former Cavs GM David Griffin was reportedly working on a deal for Butler when he got fired, and the Cavs reportedly had a deal for George worked out Friday night — but Pacers GM Kevin Pritchard decided he wouldn't trade his team's star to an Eastern Conference opponent,
前騎士經理大衛-格里芬據說在被解僱前仍在運作着巴特勒的交易，週五克利夫蘭也傳出過交易喬治的新聞，但步行者經理凱文-普理查德以一句“不可能把我們的球星送給東部的對手”的理由拒絕了。ending up with a worse deal thus preserving the low level of competition out East. And Paul Millsap has left the Hawks for the Nuggets.
最終，步行者用一筆糟糕的交易維持了東部的生態平衡，隨後保羅-米爾薩普也離開老鷹前往西部掘金。The West will get more stacked. The Rockets have added Chris Paul to James Harden; the Spurs had interest in Andre Iguodala before he reupped with Golden State, and would like to add someone on his level; the Thunder now have George to take some of the load off of Russell Westbrook;
此時，西部球隊還在不斷補強。克里斯-保羅奔赴火箭聯手詹姆斯-哈登；安德烈-伊戈達拉續約勇士之前，馬刺一直想簽下他，即使現在也在尋求同級別的球員；雷霆方面，球隊已經有了喬治幫拉塞爾-維斯布魯克分擔壓力。the Timberwolves look like an actual basketball team with an All-Star in Butler to go alongside exceptional youngsters Karl-Anthony Towns and Andrew Wiggins, plus a point guard who can space the floor in Jeff Teague;
而全明星球員巴特勒身旁則是潛力新星安東尼-唐斯和安德魯-維金斯，近日又有能扯開空間的控衛傑夫-蒂格加盟，森林狼已經有模有樣。the Nuggets added a pivotal piece to a team that missed the playoffs by just one game; and the Warriors remain the Warriors.
同樣，上賽季僅以一場之差未能闖進季後賽的掘金也剛剛做出關鍵性補強；當然，明年的勇士還是那個你認識的勇士。This is where you come in.
來東部吧。
You can make the playoffs in the East! The Pacers and Bulls held down the last two spots last year, and just traded away their pivotally important stars for next to nothing. It's hard to imagine either team contending. The Hawks were the 5-seed, but finished just two games clear of the ninth spot, and might not be a playoff team without Millsap.
在東部你能打季後賽！上賽季擁有最後兩張季後賽入場券的步行者和公牛已經拿他們的當家球星去換了空氣，他們顯然已經沒有競爭力了。去年排名第五的老鷹只比第九名多贏了兩場比賽，現在沒了米爾薩普可能連進季後賽都難了。Who's going to fill those spots? The Heat barely missed the playoffs, and after that were the Pistons and Hornets. The Pistons' leading scorer this past year was Tobias Harris, and they're a playoff contender now. The Hornets are Kemba Walker and late-era Dwight Howard and a bunch of guys Michael Jordan saw playing in one college game, and they're a playoff contender now.
誰將取代他們呢？很可能是差點就擠進季後賽的熱火，和排名緊隨其後活塞與黃蜂。活塞去年的得分王是託比亞-哈里斯，現在他們是季後賽競爭者了。黃蜂擁有肯巴-沃克，新加盟的德懷特-霍華德，還有一羣邁克爾-喬丹在NCAA親自挑選的年輕人，現在他們也有機會參加季後賽了。Anybody who is not aggressively awful in the East is a playoff contender. Meanwhile, out West, there's a team with DeMarcus Cousins and Anthony Davis that might end up as the 10th seed. Are those Timberwolves going to make the playoffs with Butler alongside the fun kids? I hope so, but I also wouldn't bet on it.
在東部，只要你敢想敢拼就能進季後賽。與此同時，在西部卻沒那麼幸運，同時擁有德馬庫斯-考辛斯和安東尼-戴維斯的鵜鶘很可能最後只排名第10位。而森林狼的巴特勒和那羣孩子們能進季後賽嗎？我只能希望如此，卻不敢打保票。In an ideal world, the NBA would switch to an unconferenced system and just have the teams with the best 16 records make the playoffs. It wouldn't have made a difference this year, but several times in past years, it would have. In 2014, the Hawks made the playoffs at 38–44 while the Suns sat home at 48–34; in 2015, the Nets scraped in at 38–44, while the Thunder went fishing at 45–37.
我有個設想，改變NBA現有的規則，讓戰績最好的16支隊伍參加季後賽。不止今年，前幾年我就這麼想了，早就應該這麼做。2014年，38勝44負的老鷹闖進季後賽，48勝34負的太陽卻只能回家；2015年，38勝44負的籃網可以繼續拼殺，而45勝37負的雷霆只能去釣魚。You can be an All-Star in the East. Three spots on the squad are opening up with the departures of George, Butler, and Millsap, who alternated starting spots the last two years. Did you know Paul Millsap has been on the Eastern Conference All-Star team four straight years, and nobody even thinks it's weird? Paul Millsap! He's fine, but, should he really be a lock for it, no questions asked?
在東部你能打全明星！一下子空出了三個席位，前兩年當過全明星首發的喬治，巴特勒和米爾薩普都已經走了。你敢想象嗎？米爾薩普已經連續四年出任東部全明星首發了，而且居然沒人覺得這很荒謬。對！就是保羅-米爾薩普！雖然他還不錯，但就沒人想問問他憑什麼能鎖定這個席位嗎？He likely won't make the team in the West, but in the East, he's a no-doubter. Carmelo Anthony has had his worst seasons in over a decade for flailing Knicks teams, and he can't miss the All-Star Game. The best player in the Eastern Conference not on the Cavaliers is quite possibly Giannis Antetokounmpo, and he doesn't even know how to shoot a basketball. Meanwhile, out West, Damian Lillard averaged 27 points per game and couldn't get an invite.
他在西部可能連全明星都進不去的，但在東部他毫無對手。卡梅羅-安東尼在風雨飄搖的尼克斯打出了個人十年來最差的數據，但全明星還是不能沒有他。東部最好的球員可能是揚尼斯-阿德託昆博而並不在騎士，而他，甚至連投籃都不會。與此同時，西部場均能砍下27分的達米安-利拉德卻連個參賽的名額都得不到。By rule, they have to put together an Eastern Conference All-Star team, and I have no idea who's going to be on it. Dion Waiters? Whichever Sixers youngster manages to be healthy this year (if one of them manages to be healthy)?
根據規則，東部必須得組支隊伍參加全明星，而我絞盡腦汁也想不出來誰有這個資格。迪昂-維特斯？或者76人的某個健康的年輕人？我是說如果，如果他們到時還能有個健康的。You might flip on the TV in February and see a damn Plumlee in the All-Star Game. Don't let this happen. In the East, you might make the team by accident.
明年2月，你打開電視看到的很可能是一個該死的普拉姆利在打全明星。千萬別讓這些發生了，來東部吧！到這裏，你很可能意外的就進入全明星了！Do you like New York? Of course you do; every NBA player does. Well, listen to this: If you sign in the East, you get to come to New York at least four times a year and play the awful teams that play there.
你喜歡紐約嗎？你當然會喜歡，每個NBA球員都喜歡。那好，聽我說：在東部，你一年最少能來4次這個大都市，還有狂虐這裏爛隊的附加福利。Why spend your time criss-crossing Texas to get walloped by the Spurs and Rockets when you could be partying at 1 OAK and beating the garbage Nets in a hungover daze?
爲什麼你非要在德州馬刺和火箭的重重狙擊下穿越火線，而不去一邊泡夜店一邊打得籃網頭昏眼花。Life is easier in the East. The good teams aren't murderous, the mediocre teams are often bad, and the bad teams are expensive YMCA squads.
東部的人生是如此的愜意。強隊都是人畜無害的，在這裏除了中游球隊剩下的都是弱隊，那些弱隊更是高貴的基督教徒。You're not going to win the Finals, but let's be honest: Unless the Warriors or Cavs tapped you on the shoulder and offered you a minimum contract, you weren't going to win anyway. Somebody has to win games in the Eastern Conference — and I think it should be you.
勸你們別想着總決賽了，你得相信：除非勇士或者騎士拍着你的肩膀送你個底薪，不然奪冠就是天方夜譚。有人想來東部贏球嗎？我看好你們！更多精彩內容請關注微信公衆號、新浪微博：籃球英文堂
