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爆笑盤點男女大不同:金星人大戰火星人

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ing-bottom: 70.89%;">爆笑盤點男女大不同:金星人大戰火星人

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1.採購

A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store and buys these things.

女人:女人會根據需要列出購物單,去超市裏買這些東西。

A man waits until the only items left in his fridge are half a lemon. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good.

男人:男人會等到冰箱裏只剩下半個檸檬。然後去超市買東西。他會把那些看着不錯的東西都買下來。

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2.金錢

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

男人:用得着的東西,要是值1塊錢卻賣2塊,男人也會買。

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.

女人:用不着的東西,要是值2塊錢卻只賣1塊,女人也會買。

rooms

3.浴室

A man has at most 6 items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

男人:男人的浴室裏有6樣東西:一把牙刷、刮鬍膏、刮鬍刀、一塊Dial牌肥皂、一塊從假日酒店裏順手牽羊的毛巾。

The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

女人:在一個典型女人的浴室,平均會有437樣物品。男人認不出其中的絕大多數。

sing Up

4.穿戴整齊

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

女人:女人在做以下事情時,都會穿戴整齊,買東西,澆花,倒垃圾,接電話,讀書,取信。

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

男人穿戴整齊時,他是要去參加婚禮或者葬禮。

Telephone

5.電話

Men see the telephone as a communications tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people.

男人:對男人來說,電話是溝通的工具。他們用電話給別人發短信。

A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

女人:女人可以在在朋友家住了兩週之後,一回到家就給同一個朋友打電話,一打就是仨小時。

names

6.暱稱

If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.

女人:要是勞蕊,琳達,伊麗莎白和芭芭拉出去吃飯,她們互相稱呼勞蕊,琳達,伊麗莎白和芭芭拉。

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

男人:要是馬克,克瑞斯、埃瑞克和湯姆出去吃飯,他們會互相親密地稱作胖子、惡狼、癩頭和廢材。

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7.成熟

Women mature much faster then men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults.

女人:她們比男人成熟得早很多。大部分17歲的姑娘已經和成年女性差不多了。

Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work.

男人:大部分17歲的小夥子還熱衷於交換棒球卡、在體育課之後打打鬧鬧。這也就是爲什麼高中時期的戀情很少有結果。

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8.婚姻

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

女人:女人嫁給一個男人,希望他能改變,可他變不了。

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change! And she does.

男人:男人娶了一個女人,希望她永遠不變,可她卻變了。

tting Mistakes

9.承認錯誤

Women will sometimes admit making a mistake.

女人:女人有時會認錯。

The last man who admitted he was wrong was General George Custer.

男人:上一個承認自己錯了的男人要追溯到卡斯特將軍(死於19世紀後期)。

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10.成功

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

男人:成功的男人是能掙比他太太花得更多的錢的。

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

女人:成功的女人是能找得到這麼個男人。