我們在幸福小日子裏的人生目標

A few weeks ago, I asked readers to send in essays describing their purpose in life and how they found it. A few thousand submitted contributions, and many essays are online. I’ll write more about the lessons they shared in the weeks ahead, but one common theme surprised me.

幾周前我向讀者徵文，請大家說一說自己的人生目標是什麼，以及他們是如何找到自己的目標的。有幾千人投了稿，其中很多文章已經放在網上了。未來幾周裏，我會圍繞他們分享的經驗再寫幾篇，不過有一個普遍的主題是我之前沒有想到的。

I expected most contributors would follow the commencement-speech clichés of our high-achieving culture: dream big; set ambitious goals; try to change the world. In fact, a surprising number of people found their purpose by going the other way, by pursuing the small, happy life.

我本以爲多數投稿人會落入我們的成功文化窠臼，說些大學畢業典禮演講式的套話：要心比天高；立下遠大的志向；致力於改變世界。然而實際上，數量驚人的投稿人反其道而行之，通過追求一種幸福的小日子找到了自己的人生目標。

Elizabeth Young once heard the story of a man who was asked by a journalist to show his most precious possession. The man, Young wrote, “was proud and excited to show the journalist the gift he had been bequeathed. A banged up tin pot he kept carefully wrapped in cloth as though it was fragile. The journalist was confused, what made this dingy old pot so valuable? ‘The message,’ the friend replied. The message was ‘we do not all have to shine.’ This story resonated deeply. In that moment I was able to relieve myself of the need to do something important, from which I would reap praise and be rewarded with fulfillment. My vision cleared.”

伊麗莎白·揚(Elizabeth Young)說她聽過一個故事。故事裏，一個記者讓一個人展示一下他所擁有的最寶貴的東西。揚寫道，那人“十分驕傲而激動地向記者展示了他收到的一份禮物。一隻破舊的錫壺，被他小心翼翼地用布包着。記者懵了，這麼一個破玩意爲何如此寶貴？‘啓示，’那位朋友答道。它帶來的啓示是，‘不是所有人都需要發光。’這個故事給我很大觸動。在那一刻，我認識到我不必強求自己去做重要的事，併爲此得到讚譽，獲取成就感。我的視野清晰起來。”

Young continues, “I have always wanted to be effortlessly kind. I wanted to raise children who were kind.” She notes that among those who survived the Nazi death camps, a predominant quality she noticed was generosity.

揚接着說，“我一直希望自己能有一種自然而然的友善。我希望能養育出友善的孩子。”她注意到，在那些納粹死亡集中營的倖存者身上，最常見到的一種特質就是寬宏大量。

“Perhaps,” she concludes, “the mission is not a mission at all. ... Everywhere there are tiny, seemingly inconsequential circumstances that, if explored, provide meaning” and chances to be generous and kind. Spiritual and emotional growth happens in microscopic increments.

“也許，”她總結道，“我的使命根本就不是一項使命……隨處都能遇到這樣的情形，看起來瑣碎、無關緊要，但一經探究，就能產生意義，”讓你有機會成爲一個寬容、友善的人。精神和情感成長的進度是非常細微的。

Kim Spencer writes, “I used to be one of the solid ones — one of the people whose purpose was clearly defined and understood. My purpose was seeing patients and ‘saving lives.’ I have melted into the in-between spaces, though. Now my purpose is simply to be the person ... who can pick up the phone and give you 30 minutes in your time of crisis. I can give it to you today and again in a few days. ... I can edit your letter. ... I can listen to you complain about your co-worker. ... I can look you in the eye and give you a few dollars in the parking lot. I am not upset if you cry. I am no longer drowning, so I can help keep you afloat with a little boost. Not all of the time, but every once in a while, until you find other people to help or a different way to swim. It is no skin off my back; it is easy for me.”

金·斯班瑟(Kim Spencer)寫道：“我原本屬於鐵板一塊的那種人——就是對人生目標有很清晰的定義和理解。我的目標是看病‘救人’。不過我已經融入了某種中間狀態。現在我的目標就是做一個人……一個可以拿起電話，花上30分鐘和陷入困境的你交談的人。我今天可以給你這麼長時間，過幾天還可以再給你……我可以編輯你的信件……我可以聽你抱怨同事……我可以看着你的眼睛，在停車場給你幾塊錢。我不會因爲你哭而心煩。我已經不再下沉，所以我可以輕輕託着你，讓你也浮起來。我做不到隨時奉陪，但每隔一段時間有一次是可以的，直到你找到別的人幫你，或者學會了換一種辦法游泳。我沒什麼損失，對我來說是小事一樁。”

Terence J. Tollaksen wrote that his purpose became clearer once he began to recognize the “decision trap”: “This trap is an amazingly consistent phenomena whereby ‘big’ decisions turn out to have much less impact on a life as a whole than the myriad of small seemingly insignificant ones.”

泰倫斯·J·托拉克森(Terence J. Tollaksen)寫道，自從開始意識到“決策陷阱”的存在，他的人生目標就變得清晰起來：“這種陷阱是一種一致性驚人的現象，就是說你會發現一些‘重大’決定對整個人生的影響，其實遠沒有許許多多看起來不起眼的小事大。”

Tollaksen continues, “I have always admired those goal-oriented, stubborn, successful, determined individuals; they make things happen, and the world would be lost without them.” But, he explains, he has always had a “small font purpose.”

托拉克森接着說，“我從來都很欽佩那些目標明確、執着、成功、堅定的人；他們都是能成事的人，世界需要他們。”但他解釋說，他一直都有一個“用小字寫的目標”。

“I can say it worked for me. I know it sounds so Midwest, but it’s been wonderful. I have a terrific wife, 5 kids, friends from grade school and high school, college, army, friends locally, and sometimes, best of all, horses, dogs, and cats. Finally, I have a small industrial business that I started and have run for 40 years based on what I now identify as principles of ‘Pope Francis capitalism.’ ”

“我能說的是這適合我。我知道聽起來太中西部了，但是效果很棒。我有個了不起的妻子，五個孩子，有從小學、中學、大學、部隊就認識的朋友，還有本地的朋友，最好的是有時候還有馬、狗、貓。最後，還有我自己創辦的一家小型工業公司，已經經營了40年，我經商是有原則的，我現在管它叫‘方濟各教宗資本主義’。”

Hans Pitsch wrote: “At age 85, the question of meaning in my life is urgent. The question of the purpose of my life is another matter. World War II and life in general have taught me that outcomes from our actions or inactions are often totally unpredictable and random.”

漢斯·皮什(Hans Pitsch)寫道：“我85了，人生意義是一個緊迫的問題。人生目標的問題就另當別論了。第二次世界大戰以及我的整個人生讓我明白，我們的作爲和不作爲造成的結果，往往完全是不可預測的、隨機的。”

He adds, “I am thankful to be alive. I have a responsibility to myself and those around me to give meaning to my life from day to day. I enjoy my family (not all of them) and the shrinking number of old friends. You use the term ‘organizing frame’ in one’s life. I am not sure if I want to be framed by an organizing principle, but if there is one thing that keeps me focused, it’s the garden. Lots of plants died during the harsh winter, but, amazingly, the clematises and the roses are back, and lettuce, spinach and tomatoes are thriving in the new greenhouse. The weeping cherry tree in front of the house succumbed to old age. I still have to plant a new tree this year.”

他接着說，“對能活着我心存感恩。每一天我都要過得有意義，這是我對自己、對身邊的人的責任。我喜歡跟（一部分）家人和（越來越少的）老朋友在一起。你將術語‘組織框架’用在一個人的一生中。我不知道該不該用一個系統的原則去規限自己，但是有一件事是我始終專注的，就是我的花園。很多植物死於嚴冬，但鐵線蓮和玫瑰奇蹟般地活過來了，生菜、菠菜和番茄在新蓋的溫室裏長得很好。房前的櫻桃樹沒精打采，已經活到頭了。今年開始得種一棵新的。”

This scale of purpose is not for everyone, but there is something beautiful and concrete and well-proportioned about tending that size of a garden.☐

人生目標的標尺並不適用於所有人，但在打理那麼大一個花園的過程中，你能看到某種美麗、切實、均衡的東西。