發現女友的前男友是職業足球員後,我就對她失了興趣

I have trouble desiring sex with my girlfriend of two years. Shortly before we got together, she was having casual sex with a professional footballer. I did not know this until we had been together for about three months. By this time I had strong feelings for her. I trust her completely, but find myself thinking about it nearly every day and not feeling good enough or sexually attracted to her, despite her being very sexy. I know I should talk to her about it but I feel so embarrassed and it's unreasonable to make her feel guilty.

兩年來，我都難以與女友發生性行爲。在一起不久前，她與一名職業足球員發生過關係。而我在交往3個月後才得知此事，那時我對她的感情已經很深了。我全身心的信任她，但卻幾乎每天都會想到她的前男友--以至於覺得自己配不上她，或者對她沒有多大的性趣（儘管她已經很性感了）。我知道我應該和她談談此事，但卻感覺十分尷尬，若因此讓她內疚，那真是太不合理了。

Consider the circumstances in which you.discovered this footballer connection. Did she "let it slip"? Tell you in spite during an argument? Or did you discover it from another source? If it was either of the former, that might suggest this spectre that interferes with your sense of safety within your relationship has been consciously or unconsciously conjured up by your girlfriend to maintain power or torture you. I'm not saying it's untrue, but rather that it's interesting she told you, since such a revelation would make any man uncomfortable and anxious.

考慮到你發現她的前任是一名足球運動員，那她是不小心說出這件事情還是在爭吵的過程中說出此事的呢？又或者是別人告訴你的？如果是這三種情況之一，那可能表明：這種擾亂戀情安全感的煩心事是你的女友故意或無意想出來的，以期掌握主動權或折磨你。說真的，若是由她告訴你，這件事就很有意思了，因爲這種'坦白'會讓任何一位男士陷入不安和焦慮。

Perhaps she feels deeply insecure and needed to bolster herself in this way. Whatever her motivation - or even if you discovered this independently - it would be worth saying to her: "I am really struggling with some feelings regarding your ex. It's hard for me to banish the discomfort I feel when I am reminded that you were intimate with him, and it's affecting my connection with you …" thereby getting it out in the open and giving her the opportunity to reassure you.

或許她感到極度不安，需要以這種方式支撐自己。無論她的動機是什麼--即使是你獨自發現了這一事實--你都應該告訴她："關於你的前任，我有種很複雜的心理。一想起你曾經與他有過親密關係，我都會感到不舒服，這甚至影響了我對你的感情……"這樣公開表明自己的心態也給了她讓你安心的機會。

But it is important for you to remember that casual sex with a famous person can be a disappointing and hollow experience. While it might have engendered temporary excitement, in your girlfriend's case it clearly did not lead to the kind of close relationship she has found with you. Beyond one air-clearing conversation, do not allow his memory to pervade your thoughts and invade your lives. She has chosen you.

但你要記得：與名人發生性關係會令人感到失望、虛無。雖然會讓你暫時性的興奮起來，但就你和你女朋友的案例而言，顯然這種隨意性行爲事件並沒有讓你們更親近。除了開誠佈公的對話外，不要讓前任的記憶滲透到你的思想中，不要讓過去侵入你們的生活，畢竟她選擇了你！